are you effing kidding me..? -Brianna

Ever felt like crying but you just couldn't get the tears out? Is that like.. crying on the inside? well it like that right now. for the past 3 days I've wanted to I really did and my eyes got watery and all.. but nothing. Its pissing me off. like one thing that's on my mind a lot lately is Jason, my boyfriend. we didn't kiss at all today but that's not what made me like "wtf" after school is when we usually kiss, but today he just goes "not today" and I go "okay" and just walked off. hes pissing me off a little. like, lately I feel like hes gonna break up with me again so im worried about that cause he makes me happier than any other guy I've gone out with and that says a lot. but anyways so I get the feeling hes going to so I talked to him about it and you'd think that after you talk to them they fix things right? so did I. he didn't. he just made it soo much worse and raised my suspicions. and lately I've been hearing that hes trying to talk to his ex again so I'm just like... ummm what the fuckk. seriously yer gonna talk to HER more than ME?!! #@!$%% bleghh guys are so stupid sometimes I swear. I'm glad I kinda didn't give him my heart fully this time cause I don't need another heart break from him. he hurts me the most nd that's because I love him the most.. ughhhhh its just like super complicated right now nd I don't know what to do.. :'( nd I wish I could talk to either one of my best friends but one isn't allowed to talk to me and the other thinks I'm a whore for getting my first kiss in middle school. my bestestest friend Jesus, cant talk to me cause according to his girlfriend we flirt to much so she made him choose me or her. he chose her. and my other best friend.. well I got my first kiss at the most recent dance and shes calling me a whore now so you know its cool. In times like these I turn to this blog right heree.. so the people I wanna talk to the most I cant talk to them so you know its cool.. anyways today I went to look for my prom/graduation dress.. no luck in the whole store there was like 8 dresses for teens and like 3 of those were okay for a celebration so I'm just like bleghh about itt. I'm trying again tomorrow but still I wish I could just get the dress I want but I don't think I will... but whatever... okay so its taken me like 45 minutes to write this and my eyes just got watery.. but still no tears.. now I'm just getting frustrated... well whateverr I'm gonna go to bed.. try to cry at least once before tonight ends.. good nightt.