Im Dying- Brianna

I'm seriously DYING
to dye my hair!!
But not a "normal" color
Brown: my natural color,
so bland and BORING!
Blonde: I cant see myself as a blonde
Black: I dont want a dark color
Red: <3
thats what i'm aiming for.
I wanna dye it tomorrow.
as in the day before we go back to school.
I wanna dye it.
for two reasons:
1 since i cant do colorguard to stand out any more *which i love to do*
Why not a different hair color?
2 i havent done anything spontaneous in sooo long.
since Homecomming i suppose.
and i mean im not resorting to that EVER AGAIN.
Besides ive changed sooo much in the past few months and i think that Monday
is gonna be llike starting new,
ive had time to think things through,
ive had time to let things go,
forgive and forget right?
So why not finish what i started and just do it?
I reeeally hope my mom lets me do it soon

Im Scarred- Brianna

So,
Im scarred.
Obviously.
The question is of what?
I honestly dont know.
like theres lots of things on my mind,
and bothering me,
but i dont know which one is making me sadder/ more scarred.
So this guy.
I kinda like him a lot.
I cant see myself going to school without seeing him in the halls,
getting excited when i see his Letterman jacket,
or having him flirt his ass off with me,
even though it means nothing to him.
I've gotten wayy to attachted to him this past month,
and its like i get that we still 6 months of school,
but six months is really short and goes by quickly
and i mean i dont even know if i like him like that
i think i just see him as a really good friend,
maybe even a brother,
but like I guess im just scarred after he leaves
i'm not gonna talk to him anymore.
Maybe im just being stupid but ugh.
I dont know.
So tomorrow,
i was supposed to hang out with oscar.
Plans canceled.
No big deal.
i mean i am kinda bummed,
but nothing to bad.
So i'm hoping i can spend the day with Lexi.
Or at least a few hours.
and if Nilsa doesnt have plans then i deffinetly wanna see her again!
ughh.. i found a song that kind of shows how i feel.
Just kidding.
I didnt find it.
Marcos sent it to me.
Its called Dont Want An Ending by Sam Tsui
"The days turn to hours
And it's just a movement before they go
I'm scared to say goodbye,
'cause what's after that?
I don't know."
Gahh,
I cannot that fer the first time in at least a month,
im crying over a guy.
Thankfully its not the same guy,
and for the same reason,
or anything close to it.
I suppose all i can do is just make the best of these next 6 months,
and enjoy having him around while i cann.

Why cant you just be happy?- Brianna

Seriously.
Youre never happy with anyone
like it just bothers me
that someone who literally has such a good life,
great friends who love you,
and a.. well not a good girlfriend..
but a fun toy to play with,
cant be happy.
It bothers me.
You think you have it so tough.
and that its sooo friggin hard.
No bitch get a wake up call,
then talk to me about tough okay?
Theres more than one reason why i dont talk to you anymore,
and this is one of them
Try having to fail yer classes cause you are forrbiden from doing the work,
try watching your family crumble little by little everyday
try seeing your friends drift farther apart every day
try watching everyone do what you love to do,
but you have to sit and watch.
Thats not even tough,
but i know damn well its a million times harder than your life,
so next time you wanna fucking complain,
stop and think to yourself,
the grass is always greener.

Tipical Fishy- Brianna

Falling for that senior boy,
troubles at home,
hiding behind a smile,
hearing all the screaming,
and wishing i could just block it all out.
Lets start from the beginning.
This senior.
Oh my goodness.
Hes pretty great.
question.
what makes him so great?
The fact that hes respectful,funny, serious, has plans for after high school,
and hes a flirt; But he can admit it.
and somehow without saying a word, he can make me crack up.
Troubles at home?
Sister and mom always fighting.
its like they never take a break.
And i cant help but to notice that the reason for their yelling?
Stephen.
It drives me crazy.
Why doesnt she just dump him?!
Sometimes i wish my sister wouldnt live with us
so that i wouldnt have to see him here.
Hiding behind a smile?
Big Time.
I hate all of these symptoms,
and i hate being told i cant do something
and i hate not being able to do winter guard
i hate it.
But i act like it doesnt bother me because if everyone sees that it gets to me..
I dont know.
but i really do not like people to know somethings bothering me.
my lifes just going down hill right now,
but i know itll go up soon.
Just like a roller coaster.
and for now i just gotta deal with all this crap so that when everythings good again,
i can appreciate it.

Hit below the belt, metaphorically of course. - Lauren

So, there are certain movies you watch to wallow in feelings, and certain ones you watch to escape them, dive headlong into a whole new world and never look back. The final Lord of the Rings movie shouldn't hit that first category, but it did. What was it about this movie that hit me you ask? Was it the scary ass spider? Nope. When frodo 'died'? When Gollum died? When they beat the armies of Mordor and destroyed the ring? When Bilbo or even gandalf board the ship for the undying lands of the elves? Nope, nothin. It wasn't even when you found out Frodo was going with them across the sea, on the last voyage of the elves. Nope. It was the goodbye hugs between Frodo and his three hobbit companions of the fellowship. Not because of how sad the movie was, but because I felt that pain. The thoughts that run through your head as you hold onto that person like if you let go your whole world will fall apart. When my best friend left I never saw her cry. I hawked my eyes out, and she just looked back over her shoulder and smiled at me, then vanished. I stared after her, and she was gone. I am Samwise Gamgee watching Frodo board the last ship, the last desperate hug, and the turning glance with a wholehearted and sad eyed smile. That's what got me. The goodbye.
I was never good at goodbyes.
I always insisted on telling Sam "It's not goodbye. It's see you later." with the gasp of a breath that comes between the tears.
It's never Goodbye.

Right?

I wish you cared... - Lauren

I have come to the conclusion that I have to stop trying to be close friends with certain people. Like... I love them and all, but they make no effort, they don't ever want to hang out, they don't even give a shit about things like waiting for me when we walk to class every day, I get tired of chasing people down when they clearly don't care. the sad part? That happened today. I walk with a certain friend from class to the busses, and by the time I got out of my classroom she was already halfway down the hall from her class with someone else. No matter that that means that I get to walk myself. Who cares, right? It's been happening for a while, I'd been forcing myself in and she just has like two other people to talk to, so I end up walking with them but not really included, so today I didn't chase her down or wait outside her classroom for her, I just walked normally, and guess who didn't even notice I was right behind them, or even when I moved in front of them?
I hate it, but I think I just have to give up...
I hate giving up.
A lot

P.S. I'm writing a post about last weekend and my amazing surprise, but it's long. >< You don't have to read it, but... i feel like it should be documented. It'll be up eventually. XD

Mommy Knows Best- Brianna

Me and my mom have a special bond
one that most teenage girls and their mothers dont usually have.
i like it.
i feel like i can honestly say my mom is one of my best friends
she knows everything.
and i mean EVERYTHING
so i mean im always going to her for advice.
shes older than me, she knows what to do
weather it be from experiance,
or just knowing.
So i mean i do what im told.
usually.
The other day me and my mom got to talking
and she told me
she thinks its best
that i stop
Talking to Martin.
Honestly?
i dont disagree.
I didnt notice this, but
he was brain washing me.
calling me best friend
when really he would only talk to me for girl problems.
his own ex girlfriend,
honestly, How pathetic is that?
When in an instant he'd leave me to talk to Malenie,
or if he was talking to her,
he wouldnt even make eye contact with me.
And, honestly i feel that whenever Malenie or lexi
would reject him,
hed come crying to me expecting me to make him feel better.
My dumb ass fell for it,
And so now i know thats its all stupid games
and guess what?
off my phone, facebook, and outta my life(:

(: - Brianna

i feel..
Happy.
Like i havent been able to say that for a while
i had all of martin and malenies shit going on,
and jesus, and jesus s, and Eduardo,
and schools stress,
and missing my friends,
but Now,
Today, i finally realized,
that i really am happy.
Weather it be because projects are over,
and ive been talking to my friend more,
Or because im over all these bitches,
and getting closer to better people.
Who knows.
but today i finally realized.
I am happy(:
and im happy knowing that im happy :P
like, two people that i talked to today,
Jesus and Marcos,
just put smiles on my face.
Jesus because..
well its Jesus, if he doesnt make you smile you better asking whats wrong
and Marcos,
because he was in a good mood.
But he just called me a homewrecker so screw him :P
ahaha just kidding.
But like i think the third trimester of school is gonna be really good. like the first one was bad, were in the middle of the second one and so far its been so-so,
and so that means that at the end of the year its gonna be
amazinggg.
but i dont wanna think about the end of the year.
not yet at least.
like the fact that marching season is over,
makes me reaaly sad,
so when school is over,
its gonna suck balls.
but for now,
i stand happy with where i am
and we'll leave it at that and see where life takes me from there(:

Letterman-Brianna

So is it just me,
or is it kind of like an unspoken rule,
that you only give yer Letterman jacket to yer girlfriend?
(:
Well if that's the case then holy fucking shit(:
Mkay, so theres this hot senior right?
Oh my goodness im in love with this dude.
Hes turning 18 in three months,
which for some reason made me more attractive to him.
Anyways, so we have band together,
and he has a free period for 5th period, so he comes to my PE class,
not just for me, but its fate ya know? (;
Anyways, so after knowing each other for only ONE month,
last night at the game,
He let me borrow his Letterman jacket :D
i was uberly excited when he offered it to me.
So i dont wanna sound like cocky,
buuutt,
i looked uberly adorable ! :D
So yesterday we were talking in PE
and he brought up the first time we ever talked
i didnt even remember it,
but he did :D
Oh how i hate how hes a senior!!

Best friends- Brianna

So i know i always talk about how Martins my best friend.
But i feel like thats not true.
I feel like i just tell myself that so that a part of me always has him
but now that i am *wait for it*
Totally one hundred percent over him,
Yes indeed i am :D,
I know that thats some really big ass bullshit
to be honest,
the only times we talk is when hes having girl problems.
Dead serious.
thats all we fucking talk about
i dont think we've had a conversation about anything else since we broke up.
and by that i mean like the day after we broke up.
So jsut like befriending Malenie,
Having him as my "best friend" was a huuuge mistake
So as i always knew,
my best friends remain as lexi nilsa briana and haley.
Also Paulina and Marcos ad i are getting pretty close :D