LOLOLOL-Brianna

Just thought id show you two conversations with my best friend.
Last night:
Oscar: I wish you were here so we could 'leep
Me: Mhh, Me too <3
Today:
Oscar:Iloveyouberrymuchoberry(:
Me: Youre Stupid -.-
This is why i LOVE our friendship to death.
Him sending thatt ^^ made me happy,
but he doesnt have to know that :P
I like the way he treats me, and the way i treat him,
and how he knows when im only messing with him
and when im upset
and when im excited
and when to say what
and when to shut the hell up.
Damn itt, i really hate how PERFECT we are for each other
it makes me soooo upset that there are no sparks what so ever.
Its suuuuch a waste of a perfect relationship.
But iguess if we dont push it, itll COME naturally x)
So these past few months of being friends with this amazing girl named Casey,
Ive become so dirty x)
Its actually quiet entertaining :D
Hehe well ive got competition tomorrow so goodnight(:

One week later- Brianna

i feel like ive started to pick up some dance from Winter guard
and so when im not having good days,
i resort to dancing to loud music in my room.
Ive resorted to staying out of my ouse as long as possible.
By choice.
Mondays: im gone from 9:30 to 9:30
Tuesday: 7:15 to 6
Wednesday:7:15 to 10
Thursday: 7:15 to 9:30
Friday: 7:15 to 5
Saturday: when i have competitions im out from as early as 3 to as late as 12. If i dont, i make plans to go out
Sunday: All day im relaxing in my room getting ready for the week ahead.
I hate the fact that so far this week ive eaten dinner alone every single day expect for Wednesday.
Like ive realized that 5/7 of my days every week are spent eating dinner alone.
Its kinda weird but at the end of it i learn to deal with it.
So when i talk to my best friend, its usually so efortless.
As of yesterday, its felt like forced.
weve hardly had a conversation since then and it feels weird
i guess maybe im just too clingy and i need to back off.
Either way i despise it.
I really hope it goes away soon.
So TAKS is on Tuesday.
I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by!! It is soo insane.
Like theres onnly 12 more weeks left of school not counting spring break!
TWELVE!!!
twelve more mondays,
twelve more Fridays!
2 TAKS,
3 Competitions,
12 more practices!
so little...

Helll.... - Lauren

And now there's 40 dollars missing from the jar containing the donations we got at the EPIC faire - it wasn't me, dad, or bryan.... And jim just didn't bother showing up for school today because I had to leave early for choir practice so I couldn't drag him out of bed... GRR.
Again, sorry for all the ranting.
Just don't really have anywhere else to go with it.
I wonder if anyone actually reads this. :/ Ah well. It's a sounding board a guess. *sigh*

damn- Brianna

i feel like i havent posted in forever.
either that for times going by really fast.
Anyywho, so whats new?
nothing -.-
Well its been about a week and a half and well..
I see my best friend every Tuesday, we text 24/7 i havent hung out with him since the 23rd of January.
I havent seen Lexi since the first.
ive hardly talked to her.
Nilsa? Damn. i feel like its been forever.
Dude, i havent seen her since before Christmas.
We've texted a few times, nothing much though.
a little bit of a catch up but thats all.
As of Tuesday Lexi lang is mad at me x(
Damn, i miss my friends.

*sigh* - Lauren

Sorry for the spam... but damn.
I'm getting tired of living with the bitching and griping.
Dad's now chewing jim out for the things I mentioned in my last post.
Dad came home and was all grumpy and shit then found out all this shizz.
I'm getting so.. so tired of this.

I guess I'll go try to sleep.

The Dating Situation - Lauren

So John and I have been dating for a month now (as of yesterday). It's still very strange to me... I don't really know what to make of it. I guess I'm really behind on all this... It's a little sad really... But hey. I'm catching up. quite probably too fast for my liking. I spent the weekend with a bunch of scare people, camping out at Jarrett's parent's ranch out past san saba, and of course because it was a scare thing John was there, and it was an amazing weekend. Saturday night it got down to 23 degrees and it was cold as all hell, and Jarrett had set up a movie outside to amuse the teenagers while the adults slept, and John and I were curled up in a chair together to stay warm, it was really comfy, and I really enjoyed that part. I slept on his shoulder both two and a half hour car rides, up and back, it was nice. But... he came over for a little while on valentines day and things got... well lets say you put two teenagers who really like each other in a house alone, and guess what happens. We didn't go all the way but we got pretty damn close and it spooked me a bit...

This is going to sound really weird but... none of that sexual stuff really matters to me. Like, at all. I'm such a complete and utter hopeless romantic, I love all the dumb, romantic, sweet, whatever, stuff. I love the stupid heart fights and the endless compliments on both ends... I love hearing I love you and saying it back, But... The other end of it... Really I couldn't care less. Clearly he does care. But... I just don't know if I want to go there yet. But... It really doesn't seem to affect me much either way.

The only thing I'm really concerned about is how broke i am and I don't want to do Shit unless I know damn sure nothing's going to come of it that will affect my future. I may not know what I want that future to be yet, but I know damn well I don't want to be one of those girls, just graduated with an infant on her hip. I want kids and a family, when I'm older and after I've had a chance to live my life.

I feel kinda bad, he wants to do a lot of what some refer to I guess as sexting, and I really couldn't care less, but I'm working on my physics project and ranting here, I really didn't feel like going there right now, I just turned my phone off. I needed a chance to think. I suppose that's the problem with teenage boys.... and being me. I really just... Don't care. I guess I probably should, but... I don't. Is that weird...? I really don't entirely know what to do here... >< I guess I just kinda wish you could turn that part off. Just have the gooey yucky romantic stuff, without bothering with the rest, but... That doesn't happen. ^_^;; I guess I'll just have to figure out where my line is and what I'm comfortable doing, since it's not for me... Bleh. >< Stupid being complicated. :/

My brother... BAH - Lauren

And in addition to all that I spent a good portion of today the ass end of my brother's antics... He left home at like 6:20 this morning, I assumed to walk to his 7:45 choir rehearsal at school, but apparently he didn't bother to go to that. then when I was in chamber second period Dr. Fish pulled me aside and told me about this talk he had with my brother, about how he could be awesome if he put his mind to it, and Fish would love to move him up, but he needs to be eligible and isn't... And all that crap. then third period after lunch Miss Jones called me aside and asked me where my brother has been, to which i responded "he hasn't been here...?" apparently he's been skipping his PE class. Awesome. She emailed my dad. He's not home yet but I am not looking forward to all the bitching that's going to happen when he does.... THEN on top of that fun fun day at school I come home and get a text from Jim on a friend's phone saying he's going to a party with Johnny and isn't going home, though i was pretty much under the impression that he was going to an amp-guard meeting today, and when I asked he said He didn't have a ride. Right as I received that text his ride showed up. Doc and Sianne were supposed to take him to the meet, which he apparently forgot. I handed Doc the Phone and he called Jim, and basically gave him the WTF Dude speech, and Jim ditched. He just decided he wasn't coming back. >< Doc was less than pleased about driving down from south austin to get him. Sianne decided she didn't feel like going, so she and Doc dragged me out of my house to go get dinner, we went to schlotzskys and had pizza, good times were had, but oaiyeofrhslkdfsiotoerzsdklfclkshj I wanna strangle my brother sometimes. >< Well... A lot of the time. He's dating MJ, who I don't mind so much as a person, but she's super loud and super dramatic and always has to be the center of attention, If you turned her dial down from 100 to maybe 30 then I think I could like her, but opefhasijd she's so ridiculous. >< Dad was less than pleased about that too. I dislike a lot of his new emo friends. I just... they are so ridiculous and bad for him. He smokes alll the freakin time now. :/ it's obonxious. I just kinda can't stand him when he's like this... I hate it, but it's true.

On a plus side, I was worried I just didn't like James (one of the guys from scare who Montanna rather likes) and I discovered that when he's not around my brother he's a lot more mellow and a much cooler person, and the dirty jokes are far less often and far less obnoxious, when my brother isn't around. I am very glad I like him, I was worried I didn't, and Montanna really does. >< But yeah, I do. :)

Life after School... - Lauren

I really have very little idea what to do with my life after school. At least some college at ACC sounds about right for me, a job, a car, but I have no idea how to go about any of this... and the only two people who have offered to help are my counselor who is super busy and spend a good 45 minutes last time I was in there complaining at me for my lack of direction and the fact that I haven't taken the SAT or anything... And The second... I just got a facebook message from none other than Amanda telling me how important college and a job is, and that she's willing to help me out if i need it.

I really don't understand why no one I would accept help from has offered, and one of maybe three or four people who I would turn it down from has offered... I'm honestly... Gah... If it was anyone else... But I really just can't stand to be around her anymore... She wore the shirt i made her this time last year today, and it honestly unsettled me. That solid reminder of what we used to be... and kindof the day I stopped liking her... I gave it to her as a valentines present since my brother had just dumped her and i figured she wouldn't have a valentine, but she had all this crap from Anysa that day as valentines presents... And I was rather put off. Seeing it again... Kinda sucked. I miss being friends with her, but not her as she is now. Her as she was. See when we were at the college fair she had won this giant seton medical clinic t-shirt, and gave it to me to fix up into something fun for her. I basically shredded the back and tied the ends, and sewed a felt wolf on the back above it (her nickname was wolfie) and had all of our friends sign the front or doodle something. that testament to how our friendship was... I miss it. But I just can't look at her without feeling like crap for believing it for so long.

I can't wait till I'm out of there. so much shit I won't have to deal with anymore... I just wish I knew what shit I will have to deal with... >< Stupid real life not having a rule book. I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing. Everyone seems to know but me...

I. Hate. This.-Brianna

My best friend.
i hate him.
hes so amazing
and perfect
and so..
FAR!!
I miss seeing him all the time and in the halls and at rehearsals.
and just like, always, and never, and randomly, and like noticing the days when hes gone, and like just on random occasions. you know?
Sighh,
well anyways i saw him today.
He smelt amazing.
I miss him.
Like crazy.
Like beyond crazy.
Anyways, my friend lexi, shes pretty damn close to me too,
she got mad cause i was talking to him instead of her.
I love her to death, but she needs to know im not ALL hers,
just like shes not all mine, yet she gets mad at me?
its unfair to me and i feel really bad for talking to him,and i shouldnt, i know i shouldnt.
but she makes me feel like im doing something bad.
i hate it x(
why cant my best friend just be at school with me already?
Thered be no more drama like this,
and id see him every single monday-friday.
Siiiiiiggggghhhhhhh.......

Aww - Lauren

"You know what else is awesome about you?" - John
"What? :O" - Me
"I've never wanted to say I love you so much to any one person before." - John

Awwww~ <3
^////^ So cute

Super Snow Day :D - Lauren

So I was sick all day yesterday, missed school, felt like crap.

I woke up this morning, and within like fifteen minutes I was having an awesome day.
I felt way better, School was canceled, and it was Snowing! :D

I love Snow, if I had to pick any one thing that reminded me of my childhood it would be snow. I moved a lot when I was a kid, so there aren't any places or people that work, But I grew up in Chicago and what else do Chicagoan think of but snow? :) I love Snow~

It was amazing. And my day quickly got better, John had the day off too so he came over around 11:30 and we went for a walk, I froze my toes off (slush got into my shoes), the fingers of the hand that wasn't holding his froze off, my nose froze, but it was totally worth it. :)
We came back and hung out, messed with my cat, and, yeah. XD It was just kindof weird because my brother was just sitting at the computer playing Bubble Tank 3, and it was weird. O.o it took him like an hour to get the hint and eff off. ^_^;; I suppose it's kinda weird for him because he and John are friends too, but... yeah. He needed to go. Lol. ^_^ It was pretty funny, at one point Jim walked out of his room to grab his bag with this look on his face, and went back into his room, and I said to John "I know that look, I'm never going to hear the end of this." and we laughed, and Dad sent me a message expressing his displeasure at my just leaving, even though I totally didn't, I said we were just going for a walk and would be right back, and I knew I was going to get yelled at, but the awesome thing is neither thing happened. :D

But Yeah... with the exception of Bryan, Jim and Dad bitching at each other constantly, today's been amazing. <3

Glad to be back - Lauren

I know over the last few months I've been dealing with a lot of shit and fighting getting into the dark place, but No more! I know maybe it seems silly, but This has done so much more for me than just getting a boyfriend.
John asked me out officially two weeks ago today, to which I of course said yes. ;)
The last two weeks have been pretty amazing, though it feel like sooo much longer than that. We've been on two dates and He came to one of the EPIC rehearsals.
We've texted every night from when I get home until one of us falls asleep (with the occasional internet fail on my part - but I ordered my new phone so by the end of the week I should be back in business! :D)
He's so sweet, I couldn't have imagined better. :)

But even more than just that I'm simply... Happy again. I mean, it's like it kindof restored my faith in myself and reminded me that I AM good enough, which I think I was starting to forget before. But now... I think even if this falls through (Which I don't think it will and I sincerely hope it doesn't) I'll be able to get back on my feet and live my life again.
I remember now how much I like being happy.
I really don't ever want that feeling to go away again.
I missed it, I just didn't know how much.
I feel like I'm finally back to being myself again. I wasn't ever that sad alone person, that's just not who I am. But this... I'm so much happier and when I smile all the time at school I'm not faking it, it's real and I love it.
I missed this... So so so much.
I'm glad to be back. :)