And now there's 40 dollars missing from the jar containing the donations we got at the EPIC faire - it wasn't me, dad, or bryan.... And jim just didn't bother showing up for school today because I had to leave early for choir practice so I couldn't drag him out of bed... GRR.
Again, sorry for all the ranting.
Just don't really have anywhere else to go with it.
I wonder if anyone actually reads this. :/ Ah well. It's a sounding board a guess. *sigh*
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Dating Situation - Lauren
So John and I have been dating for a month now (as of yesterday). It's still very strange to me... I don't really know what to make of it. I guess I'm really behind on all this... It's a little sad really... But hey. I'm catching up. quite probably too fast for my liking. I spent the weekend with a bunch of scare people, camping out at Jarrett's parent's ranch out past san saba, and of course because it was a scare thing John was there, and it was an amazing weekend. Saturday night it got down to 23 degrees and it was cold as all hell, and Jarrett had set up a movie outside to amuse the teenagers while the adults slept, and John and I were curled up in a chair together to stay warm, it was really comfy, and I really enjoyed that part. I slept on his shoulder both two and a half hour car rides, up and back, it was nice. But... he came over for a little while on valentines day and things got... well lets say you put two teenagers who really like each other in a house alone, and guess what happens. We didn't go all the way but we got pretty damn close and it spooked me a bit...
This is going to sound really weird but... none of that sexual stuff really matters to me. Like, at all. I'm such a complete and utter hopeless romantic, I love all the dumb, romantic, sweet, whatever, stuff. I love the stupid heart fights and the endless compliments on both ends... I love hearing I love you and saying it back, But... The other end of it... Really I couldn't care less. Clearly he does care. But... I just don't know if I want to go there yet. But... It really doesn't seem to affect me much either way.
The only thing I'm really concerned about is how broke i am and I don't want to do Shit unless I know damn sure nothing's going to come of it that will affect my future. I may not know what I want that future to be yet, but I know damn well I don't want to be one of those girls, just graduated with an infant on her hip. I want kids and a family, when I'm older and after I've had a chance to live my life.
I feel kinda bad, he wants to do a lot of what some refer to I guess as sexting, and I really couldn't care less, but I'm working on my physics project and ranting here, I really didn't feel like going there right now, I just turned my phone off. I needed a chance to think. I suppose that's the problem with teenage boys.... and being me. I really just... Don't care. I guess I probably should, but... I don't. Is that weird...? I really don't entirely know what to do here... >< I guess I just kinda wish you could turn that part off. Just have the gooey yucky romantic stuff, without bothering with the rest, but... That doesn't happen. ^_^;; I guess I'll just have to figure out where my line is and what I'm comfortable doing, since it's not for me... Bleh. >< Stupid being complicated. :/
This is going to sound really weird but... none of that sexual stuff really matters to me. Like, at all. I'm such a complete and utter hopeless romantic, I love all the dumb, romantic, sweet, whatever, stuff. I love the stupid heart fights and the endless compliments on both ends... I love hearing I love you and saying it back, But... The other end of it... Really I couldn't care less. Clearly he does care. But... I just don't know if I want to go there yet. But... It really doesn't seem to affect me much either way.
The only thing I'm really concerned about is how broke i am and I don't want to do Shit unless I know damn sure nothing's going to come of it that will affect my future. I may not know what I want that future to be yet, but I know damn well I don't want to be one of those girls, just graduated with an infant on her hip. I want kids and a family, when I'm older and after I've had a chance to live my life.
I feel kinda bad, he wants to do a lot of what some refer to I guess as sexting, and I really couldn't care less, but I'm working on my physics project and ranting here, I really didn't feel like going there right now, I just turned my phone off. I needed a chance to think. I suppose that's the problem with teenage boys.... and being me. I really just... Don't care. I guess I probably should, but... I don't. Is that weird...? I really don't entirely know what to do here... >< I guess I just kinda wish you could turn that part off. Just have the gooey yucky romantic stuff, without bothering with the rest, but... That doesn't happen. ^_^;; I guess I'll just have to figure out where my line is and what I'm comfortable doing, since it's not for me... Bleh. >< Stupid being complicated. :/
Life after School... - Lauren
I really have very little idea what to do with my life after school. At least some college at ACC sounds about right for me, a job, a car, but I have no idea how to go about any of this... and the only two people who have offered to help are my counselor who is super busy and spend a good 45 minutes last time I was in there complaining at me for my lack of direction and the fact that I haven't taken the SAT or anything... And The second... I just got a facebook message from none other than Amanda telling me how important college and a job is, and that she's willing to help me out if i need it.
I really don't understand why no one I would accept help from has offered, and one of maybe three or four people who I would turn it down from has offered... I'm honestly... Gah... If it was anyone else... But I really just can't stand to be around her anymore... She wore the shirt i made her this time last year today, and it honestly unsettled me. That solid reminder of what we used to be... and kindof the day I stopped liking her... I gave it to her as a valentines present since my brother had just dumped her and i figured she wouldn't have a valentine, but she had all this crap from Anysa that day as valentines presents... And I was rather put off. Seeing it again... Kinda sucked. I miss being friends with her, but not her as she is now. Her as she was. See when we were at the college fair she had won this giant seton medical clinic t-shirt, and gave it to me to fix up into something fun for her. I basically shredded the back and tied the ends, and sewed a felt wolf on the back above it (her nickname was wolfie) and had all of our friends sign the front or doodle something. that testament to how our friendship was... I miss it. But I just can't look at her without feeling like crap for believing it for so long.
I can't wait till I'm out of there. so much shit I won't have to deal with anymore... I just wish I knew what shit I will have to deal with... >< Stupid real life not having a rule book. I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing. Everyone seems to know but me...
I really don't understand why no one I would accept help from has offered, and one of maybe three or four people who I would turn it down from has offered... I'm honestly... Gah... If it was anyone else... But I really just can't stand to be around her anymore... She wore the shirt i made her this time last year today, and it honestly unsettled me. That solid reminder of what we used to be... and kindof the day I stopped liking her... I gave it to her as a valentines present since my brother had just dumped her and i figured she wouldn't have a valentine, but she had all this crap from Anysa that day as valentines presents... And I was rather put off. Seeing it again... Kinda sucked. I miss being friends with her, but not her as she is now. Her as she was. See when we were at the college fair she had won this giant seton medical clinic t-shirt, and gave it to me to fix up into something fun for her. I basically shredded the back and tied the ends, and sewed a felt wolf on the back above it (her nickname was wolfie) and had all of our friends sign the front or doodle something. that testament to how our friendship was... I miss it. But I just can't look at her without feeling like crap for believing it for so long.
I can't wait till I'm out of there. so much shit I won't have to deal with anymore... I just wish I knew what shit I will have to deal with... >< Stupid real life not having a rule book. I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing. Everyone seems to know but me...
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Meltdown... - Lauren
I really don't feel like re-typing everything, so if you care... here's the huge meltdown I just had in chat form with courtney. >.>
courtney: (:how're you dahling?
me: >:(
9:41 PM I'm grumpy tired and frustrated. ><
9:42 PM Stupid homework I don't get that I can't turn in late, Stupid people making me feel bad for telling them I didn't approve of an idea, stupid weak-ness that means everytime i do any exercise all my muscles hurt
:(
courtney: ):
wanna talk about any of it?
9:45 PM me: Ugh... I dunno, I'm just frustrated and PMSing on top of it. I feel like I'm gonna cry......
Over nothing
courtney: ooh..):
well.
I'm here for yah, babe : )
me: :,)
9:46 PM I just don't wanna deal with any of this shit right now, I had a really long weekend and would very much like to sleep, but that's the one thing I don't get to do. >.>
courtney: aw ):
that's so sad.
I'm so sorry ):
9:47 PM me: Yeah... I hate this, it happens every couple of months. It'll alternate that my PMS is barely noticeable, to the next month it's a total bitch and I'm crying over everything and picking fights I don't mean to pick, and i hurt, and I'm always tired, and it just sucks........
9:48 PM I'm also just getting completely frustrated with being unable to do anything...
In a lot of different ways
9:50 PM I can't leave the house without begging someone else to take me or walking in the 90 degree weather, And I always feel bad making people go out of their way to get me for things...
9:52 PM I'm in personal fitness again because my credit didn't count before due to starting late, and it's completely kicking my ass and I get to completely fail at everything we do beause I just can't do it, and she gives me these awful looks because she thiniks I'm just giving up, but I really can't do it, and everyone else gets to watch me not be able to do it... and it sucks. And I always hurt now from it. my legs haven't stopped hurting in three weeks.
9:54 PM I can't freaking figure out how to do this homework, My english class is kicking my ass too, i think I'm failing right now. And it's not because my teacher is bad, it's just because I can't figure it out. I read these passages and just stared at them blankly. we're readings stuff in class and I just stare at it. I can't figure out how to write what we're writing, and it just... I just can't figure out what I'm doing.
courtney: ):
9:55 PM I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what you're doing, and physical fitness sucks balls.
most physical classes do.
but I mean,
you're just having a rough time.
I'm here for you(:
and I know how you feel, because that was my entire sophmore year.
I failed so badly.
I failed pretty much every class.
9:56 PM me: I guess this is going to sound bad, but I'm... not used to failing.
9:58 PM And especially in my AP Englsh class, the one thing I was always good at but now am always shown how much I am not good, they're always talking about college and what amazing college they're going to, and al the awesome AP classes and Scores on these super hard tests, and I just... I have to probably take a year off t get any money at all to even go to college, and I am more than likely going to ACC because it's all I can afford, Among most people I feel good about myself, and among these people I'm the bottom of the heap, scraping the barrel. I feel like crap and I don't know what to do about it...
9:59 PM courtney: well, I know how you feel.
but I mean,
you can get past failing.
10:00 PM you can pass your classes.
sure
it's kind of hard
but you can do it.
you're a smart person(:
and pass,
just to show those people
how smart you are(:
prove 'em all wrong!
10:01 PM me: It's not just that though.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life! Everyone seems to have these awesome plans... And I just hate thinking about it because I just don't know.
10:02 PM I don't want school to end
I don't want me entire life as I know it to be over
I don't want to spend a year doing nothing when everyone is going on to college
I don't want to have to change everything again
I hate bug life changes
I hate being uprooted and not knowing where I stand or what I'm doing
10:03 PM I don't want to do this
but again
no choice
10:04 PM courtney: but you'll figure it out(:
chase your passion.
what do you LOVE?
what are you good at? (:
you can do something with that!
10:05 PM me: The only thing I really love is singing and helping my friends, but you can't rely on music as a career and psychiatry requires many years of expensive schooling
courtney: yeah I hear that |:
I wanna be a criminologist.
but since that's a branch of psychology and sociology I'm gonna have to go for a minimum of like 8 years.
10:06 PM me: And I don't even have enough money to go to dinner.
I don't know how to do this
I completely feel like I've failed at my whole life
10:07 PM every little kid had all these hopes and dreams of what they wanted to do, and I didn't... I just sang and lived. I don't remember most of my childhood life because I didn't do anything. i was homeschooled and sat in my room for most of my life
10:09 PM And even choir is making me feel completely inferior. I know I can sing, but apperantly everyone else can sing better. I couldn't even make one solo in three years of the mediocre groups, let alone in one of the better groups. I made Chamber Choir which is awesome, but I really don't feel like a part of the group, or of acapella. I don't really talk to anyone, i just sit off to the side and then sing my part. I'm working on it, but choir was the only highlight a lot of the time, but that combined with the fact that I can't really stand our new choir teacher means i's not as great....
10:10 PM I love to sing, so much, but I can't get through a line without being yelled at and told how much we have to improve to be good.
10:12 PM courtney: ):
maybe...you're just a late bloomer.
everyone got their dreams early
you'll find yours (:
I promise you will.
and you haven't failed life, because if you did, you'd be dead, but you're not, because I won't let you because I love you too much to let anything bad happen ):
and if you need the money, you're probs gonna need a job, and make moneys D:
10:13 PM me: But I don't have a car or any way to reliably get to a job.
Thank you though....
It really does help. <3
I really could just use a hug right now. 10:14 PM But my best friend lives 8 hours away, and the closest friend who i think would come see me lives in hutto
10:15 PM courtney: ):
I'm going to
come to your house
a weekend
and give you
the biggest and bestest hug
EVER.
with sprinkles.
me: Haha, <3
10:16 PM But Somehow I'm so freaking busy.
I don't get to relax again till november.
Scare has my out every weekend
:(
10:17 PM courtney: : (
THEN I SHALL VISIT YOU
IN NOVEMBER.
and give you the biggest and bestest hug with sprinkles.
10:18 PM me: Hahaha. <3
I don't wanna wait till november. :(
Maybe you come to scare one day and I kidnaps you home with me
courtney: <3
maybe:)
that could works.
but doesn't your dad not like
spending the night?
10:19 PM I mean I could probs ask to be picked up that very day but I dunno o:
me: But he let jim stay the whole weekend at brandon's and I haven't asked in ages... Maybe he'll let me. hug
courtney: hmm maybe(:
<3
we'll have to see.
just be like
10:20 PM "dude. who wouldn't want god to grace our presence for a night?"
me: Haha. ^_^;;
That's another big issue, I am getting so seriously fed up with my family. They are driving me completely insane.
I cna't wait to be out of here, but I don't want to leave.
10:21 PM courtney: why don't you wanna leave?
I wanna leave so badly.
10:24 PM me: I just don't want to like... leave my house and everything that's happened here. I'm worried about living alone, I need a roommate, but I don't know who to ask because I get really fed up with a lot of my friends after a while. I couldn't live with shea, we couldn't do a week at her house, let alone living together. we both get too high strung. I was going to go with Montanna, we'd both talked about it when she was going to leave mike, but I seriously doubt that's happening, they seem to have reconciled at least not enough for her to leave him... Sam is going to live in Dallas to go to med school, and that's too far for me to move... I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone. :(
10:25 PM I feel alone a lot
even though I know I'm not
10:26 PM courtney: ):
see
I could handle being alone
I've been alone my entire life
but you can find someone I promise(: <3
10:28 PM me: there's also the issue where I've completely failed in the relationship department... I don't know what I did, but somehow I'm the girl who's one of the guys and doesn't ever date and no one is interested in, People keep making reasons why, but there are always reasons and excuses I don't know.... I must've done something wrong, but I don't know what, and I think it's too late to fix it.
10:29 PM courtney: never too late(:
I've always been that ugly chick.
but I mean.
10:30 PM I've changed I think.
I mean, I'm still not liked
but it's alright I sppose
*suppose
10:32 PM me: But you're not ugly! You're adorable. And at least you have been though, I mean... I don't even mean people don't always like me, as far as I know no one has ever liked me, and if they have they never did enough to say something to me about it. No one. Ever. I feel like there's something wrong with that. I like people, it happens, but nobody ever likes me back. Often they like my friends instead, which is the suck...
I dunno, I guess I really do feel like I'm just not good enough......
10:33 PM I don't even know for what, but i can't think of anything I've accomplished, anything I've really dont...
*done
I don't DO anythin...
courtney: but you are(:
trust me dear, my life has been liking people and them never liking me pack.
hell, I've even been played, pretty much.
then go out and have your own adventures(:
be yourself.
10:34 PM people should like you for YOU and not like you for someone you're not(:
10:37 PM me: I know that last part, I do... But i guess I feel like there's too much ME and no one wants to look far enough to learn that much about me. :( And hell... This is going to sounds really bad but I don't mean it to be, At least someone liked you enough to try to play you. The most interest anyone's ever shown in me was he agreed to go on one date with me because montanna told him he had to go, because he told her brother I was cool, and she'd been trying to hook me up. That, and our awesome but slightly pervy friend who loves to jokingly hold people's hands and make jokes about stuff, but is completely uninterested for real, and has told me that I am one of the guys.. =/
10:38 PM courtney: man.
I used to be one of the guys.
like
so hardcore
in like elementary school.
but I mean
you can grow out of it.
I'm not really "one of the guys"
10:39 PM but I'm not "one of the girls" either.
I'm kind of my own person.
but I dunno broski.
you'll find someone I promise(:
10:41 PM but y'know,
you have been liked.
sam liked you.
but I mean, you don't...roll that way.
but I mean, you can be liked.
(:
10:42 PM me: I honestly think sometimes that being homeschooled may've fucked part of me up. I was made to be very social and have people around me, and I sat in my room for a long time. I didn't do anything, I had very few friends. I've always said that I grew up too fast, I wasn't really a kid for that long, but... I think part of me grew up really slow. So the part of me that started liking boys didn't show up at all until a while ago, and by then I'd already messed something up.... I dunno... >>
10:44 PM and yeah, she says so, but I really think (and with my logical mind not my reactionary mind) that she really just knew I would always be there for her, she wanted someone she could always trust, in essence she wants someone like me. but... I don't think she likes me so much, just the fact that I never left her, when everyone else did. She only liked me after she's been broken a million times... I mean, I just think it was a reaction,i if that makes any sense
courtney: ):
well.
I don't see why people couldn't like you
you're absolutely adorable and amazing.
10:45 PM and if people can't see that they deserve to be spited.
me: And isn't it a little sad that the only person who's ever liked me is my female best friend? Just a little?
courtney: I grew up too fast, too, that's most likely why I'm so childish.
not really?
my friend kathryn liked/likes me a lot, I don't know if she still does.
I haven't been liked by a lot of people, I don't think.
10:46 PM that was in middle school where people just follow the leader.
me: but you didn't grow up with her calling eachother sisters. >.>
Yeah........
I dunno... <,<
courtney: no, but we are that close kind of.
I dunno brotato, but you'll find someone I promise<3
we both will.
just gotta wait for that one person that can handle you at your worst:)
so far there's only been...
three people that have done that.
but one's 23,
10:47 PM the other was afraid of being a "pedo"
and the other played me.
me: :)
that's sad.....
courtney: bahaha
yeah.
kind of.
(Skip some irrelevant rambling convo here)
courtney: I mean
(So yeah... there's that. I'm going to sleep this off now and hope I have enough Energy to wake up tomorrow. :C )
courtney: (:how're you dahling?
me: >:(
9:41 PM I'm grumpy tired and frustrated. ><
9:42 PM Stupid homework I don't get that I can't turn in late, Stupid people making me feel bad for telling them I didn't approve of an idea, stupid weak-ness that means everytime i do any exercise all my muscles hurt
:(
courtney: ):
wanna talk about any of it?
9:45 PM me: Ugh... I dunno, I'm just frustrated and PMSing on top of it. I feel like I'm gonna cry......
Over nothing
courtney: ooh..):
well.
I'm here for yah, babe : )
me: :,)
9:46 PM I just don't wanna deal with any of this shit right now, I had a really long weekend and would very much like to sleep, but that's the one thing I don't get to do. >.>
courtney: aw ):
that's so sad.
I'm so sorry ):
9:47 PM me: Yeah... I hate this, it happens every couple of months. It'll alternate that my PMS is barely noticeable, to the next month it's a total bitch and I'm crying over everything and picking fights I don't mean to pick, and i hurt, and I'm always tired, and it just sucks........
9:48 PM I'm also just getting completely frustrated with being unable to do anything...
In a lot of different ways
9:50 PM I can't leave the house without begging someone else to take me or walking in the 90 degree weather, And I always feel bad making people go out of their way to get me for things...
9:52 PM I'm in personal fitness again because my credit didn't count before due to starting late, and it's completely kicking my ass and I get to completely fail at everything we do beause I just can't do it, and she gives me these awful looks because she thiniks I'm just giving up, but I really can't do it, and everyone else gets to watch me not be able to do it... and it sucks. And I always hurt now from it. my legs haven't stopped hurting in three weeks.
9:54 PM I can't freaking figure out how to do this homework, My english class is kicking my ass too, i think I'm failing right now. And it's not because my teacher is bad, it's just because I can't figure it out. I read these passages and just stared at them blankly. we're readings stuff in class and I just stare at it. I can't figure out how to write what we're writing, and it just... I just can't figure out what I'm doing.
courtney: ):
9:55 PM I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what you're doing, and physical fitness sucks balls.
most physical classes do.
but I mean,
you're just having a rough time.
I'm here for you(:
and I know how you feel, because that was my entire sophmore year.
I failed so badly.
I failed pretty much every class.
9:56 PM me: I guess this is going to sound bad, but I'm... not used to failing.
9:58 PM And especially in my AP Englsh class, the one thing I was always good at but now am always shown how much I am not good, they're always talking about college and what amazing college they're going to, and al the awesome AP classes and Scores on these super hard tests, and I just... I have to probably take a year off t get any money at all to even go to college, and I am more than likely going to ACC because it's all I can afford, Among most people I feel good about myself, and among these people I'm the bottom of the heap, scraping the barrel. I feel like crap and I don't know what to do about it...
9:59 PM courtney: well, I know how you feel.
but I mean,
you can get past failing.
10:00 PM you can pass your classes.
sure
it's kind of hard
but you can do it.
you're a smart person(:
and pass,
just to show those people
how smart you are(:
prove 'em all wrong!
10:01 PM me: It's not just that though.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life! Everyone seems to have these awesome plans... And I just hate thinking about it because I just don't know.
10:02 PM I don't want school to end
I don't want me entire life as I know it to be over
I don't want to spend a year doing nothing when everyone is going on to college
I don't want to have to change everything again
I hate bug life changes
I hate being uprooted and not knowing where I stand or what I'm doing
10:03 PM I don't want to do this
but again
no choice
10:04 PM courtney: but you'll figure it out(:
chase your passion.
what do you LOVE?
what are you good at? (:
you can do something with that!
10:05 PM me: The only thing I really love is singing and helping my friends, but you can't rely on music as a career and psychiatry requires many years of expensive schooling
courtney: yeah I hear that |:
I wanna be a criminologist.
but since that's a branch of psychology and sociology I'm gonna have to go for a minimum of like 8 years.
10:06 PM me: And I don't even have enough money to go to dinner.
I don't know how to do this
I completely feel like I've failed at my whole life
10:07 PM every little kid had all these hopes and dreams of what they wanted to do, and I didn't... I just sang and lived. I don't remember most of my childhood life because I didn't do anything. i was homeschooled and sat in my room for most of my life
10:09 PM And even choir is making me feel completely inferior. I know I can sing, but apperantly everyone else can sing better. I couldn't even make one solo in three years of the mediocre groups, let alone in one of the better groups. I made Chamber Choir which is awesome, but I really don't feel like a part of the group, or of acapella. I don't really talk to anyone, i just sit off to the side and then sing my part. I'm working on it, but choir was the only highlight a lot of the time, but that combined with the fact that I can't really stand our new choir teacher means i's not as great....
10:10 PM I love to sing, so much, but I can't get through a line without being yelled at and told how much we have to improve to be good.
10:12 PM courtney: ):
maybe...you're just a late bloomer.
everyone got their dreams early
you'll find yours (:
I promise you will.
and you haven't failed life, because if you did, you'd be dead, but you're not, because I won't let you because I love you too much to let anything bad happen ):
and if you need the money, you're probs gonna need a job, and make moneys D:
10:13 PM me: But I don't have a car or any way to reliably get to a job.
Thank you though....
It really does help. <3
I really could just use a hug right now. 10:14 PM But my best friend lives 8 hours away, and the closest friend who i think would come see me lives in hutto
10:15 PM courtney: ):
I'm going to
come to your house
a weekend
and give you
the biggest and bestest hug
EVER.
with sprinkles.
me: Haha, <3
10:16 PM But Somehow I'm so freaking busy.
I don't get to relax again till november.
Scare has my out every weekend
:(
10:17 PM courtney: : (
THEN I SHALL VISIT YOU
IN NOVEMBER.
and give you the biggest and bestest hug with sprinkles.
10:18 PM me: Hahaha. <3
I don't wanna wait till november. :(
Maybe you come to scare one day and I kidnaps you home with me
courtney: <3
maybe:)
that could works.
but doesn't your dad not like
spending the night?
10:19 PM I mean I could probs ask to be picked up that very day but I dunno o:
me: But he let jim stay the whole weekend at brandon's and I haven't asked in ages... Maybe he'll let me. hug
courtney: hmm maybe(:
<3
we'll have to see.
just be like
10:20 PM "dude. who wouldn't want god to grace our presence for a night?"
me: Haha. ^_^;;
That's another big issue, I am getting so seriously fed up with my family. They are driving me completely insane.
I cna't wait to be out of here, but I don't want to leave.
10:21 PM courtney: why don't you wanna leave?
I wanna leave so badly.
10:24 PM me: I just don't want to like... leave my house and everything that's happened here. I'm worried about living alone, I need a roommate, but I don't know who to ask because I get really fed up with a lot of my friends after a while. I couldn't live with shea, we couldn't do a week at her house, let alone living together. we both get too high strung. I was going to go with Montanna, we'd both talked about it when she was going to leave mike, but I seriously doubt that's happening, they seem to have reconciled at least not enough for her to leave him... Sam is going to live in Dallas to go to med school, and that's too far for me to move... I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone. :(
10:25 PM I feel alone a lot
even though I know I'm not
10:26 PM courtney: ):
see
I could handle being alone
I've been alone my entire life
but you can find someone I promise(: <3
10:28 PM me: there's also the issue where I've completely failed in the relationship department... I don't know what I did, but somehow I'm the girl who's one of the guys and doesn't ever date and no one is interested in, People keep making reasons why, but there are always reasons and excuses I don't know.... I must've done something wrong, but I don't know what, and I think it's too late to fix it.
10:29 PM courtney: never too late(:
I've always been that ugly chick.
but I mean.
10:30 PM I've changed I think.
I mean, I'm still not liked
but it's alright I sppose
*suppose
10:32 PM me: But you're not ugly! You're adorable. And at least you have been though, I mean... I don't even mean people don't always like me, as far as I know no one has ever liked me, and if they have they never did enough to say something to me about it. No one. Ever. I feel like there's something wrong with that. I like people, it happens, but nobody ever likes me back. Often they like my friends instead, which is the suck...
I dunno, I guess I really do feel like I'm just not good enough......
10:33 PM I don't even know for what, but i can't think of anything I've accomplished, anything I've really dont...
*done
I don't DO anythin...
courtney: but you are(:
trust me dear, my life has been liking people and them never liking me pack.
hell, I've even been played, pretty much.
then go out and have your own adventures(:
be yourself.
10:34 PM people should like you for YOU and not like you for someone you're not(:
10:37 PM me: I know that last part, I do... But i guess I feel like there's too much ME and no one wants to look far enough to learn that much about me. :( And hell... This is going to sounds really bad but I don't mean it to be, At least someone liked you enough to try to play you. The most interest anyone's ever shown in me was he agreed to go on one date with me because montanna told him he had to go, because he told her brother I was cool, and she'd been trying to hook me up. That, and our awesome but slightly pervy friend who loves to jokingly hold people's hands and make jokes about stuff, but is completely uninterested for real, and has told me that I am one of the guys.. =/
10:38 PM courtney: man.
I used to be one of the guys.
like
so hardcore
in like elementary school.
but I mean
you can grow out of it.
I'm not really "one of the guys"
10:39 PM but I'm not "one of the girls" either.
I'm kind of my own person.
but I dunno broski.
you'll find someone I promise(:
10:41 PM but y'know,
you have been liked.
sam liked you.
but I mean, you don't...roll that way.
but I mean, you can be liked.
(:
10:42 PM me: I honestly think sometimes that being homeschooled may've fucked part of me up. I was made to be very social and have people around me, and I sat in my room for a long time. I didn't do anything, I had very few friends. I've always said that I grew up too fast, I wasn't really a kid for that long, but... I think part of me grew up really slow. So the part of me that started liking boys didn't show up at all until a while ago, and by then I'd already messed something up.... I dunno... >>
10:44 PM and yeah, she says so, but I really think (and with my logical mind not my reactionary mind) that she really just knew I would always be there for her, she wanted someone she could always trust, in essence she wants someone like me. but... I don't think she likes me so much, just the fact that I never left her, when everyone else did. She only liked me after she's been broken a million times... I mean, I just think it was a reaction,i if that makes any sense
courtney: ):
well.
I don't see why people couldn't like you
you're absolutely adorable and amazing.
10:45 PM and if people can't see that they deserve to be spited.
me: And isn't it a little sad that the only person who's ever liked me is my female best friend? Just a little?
courtney: I grew up too fast, too, that's most likely why I'm so childish.
not really?
my friend kathryn liked/likes me a lot, I don't know if she still does.
I haven't been liked by a lot of people, I don't think.
10:46 PM that was in middle school where people just follow the leader.
me: but you didn't grow up with her calling eachother sisters. >.>
Yeah........
I dunno... <,<
courtney: no, but we are that close kind of.
I dunno brotato, but you'll find someone I promise<3
we both will.
just gotta wait for that one person that can handle you at your worst:)
so far there's only been...
three people that have done that.
but one's 23,
10:47 PM the other was afraid of being a "pedo"
and the other played me.
me: :)
that's sad.....
courtney: bahaha
yeah.
kind of.
(Skip some irrelevant rambling convo here)
courtney: I mean
I guess I'm kind of...
pretty ish?
I have a decent personallity
but I don't know why people legitimately like me.
me: I kinda feel the same. 
courtney: mhm.
me: ><
Ugh
well
at least I've stopped like... Completely freaking out and crying now. >.>
courtney: ):
I'm here for you<3
me: thanks... i think my friends get tired of it sometimes. >.>
thanks... i think my friends get tired of it sometimes. >.> courtney: naaah
(:
me: Well, just cuz you don't doesn't mean the rest don't. >.> I feel like most of us are just growing apart, I hardly see anyone anymore. >.>
Well, just cuz you don't doesn't mean the rest don't. >.> I feel like most of us are just growing apart, I hardly see anyone anymore. >.> courtney: aw... ):
yeah doesn't that feeling suck?
me: Yeah... a lot. considering I give up so much of my life to help them and shit, and they don't even care enough to try to stay friends
courtney: ):
hun you gotta take care of yourself sometimes.
me: I don't know how.....
courtney: ):
you'l llearn(:
if I can do it, you can too!
Sent at 11:03 PM on Monday
me: I suppose... I spent so much time helping others because it made me feel good to help, and it helped them, that I never learned how to take care of myself...
I spent so much time helping others because it made me feel good to help, and it helped them, that I never learned how to take care of myself... courtney: ...
man
we're so alike it's scary.
me: that... Doesn't make me as happy as it should. I don't like that anyone else has to feel what am. >.>
(So yeah... there's that. I'm going to sleep this off now and hope I have enough Energy to wake up tomorrow. :C )
Thursday, August 19, 2010
sooo - Brianna
So in the past ive dated the stupidest people.
for example
Jesus and Riley
nough said with Riley
And with Jesus..
i dunno it was a trial and error
so you know that was just wrong in so many ways.
then theres Jason and Seth.
two different kinds of stupid.
Jason was a good boyfriend,
but when we were ex's fer the first time
he was a total dick to me.
thats not okay with me.
and Seth,
same shit,
plus hes just stupid periodd.
out of these theres two that i wish i could take back.
Riley and Seth.
and then theres the guy im with Now
Martin.
the best friend who the main character in a movie falls in love with
the guy you want in yer life ferever no matter what.
the guy who knows all yer secrets before anyone else
who knows what not to say around you
and what to tell you to make you feel better.
the guy who gives you that fairytale life,
or night.
and in life theres always that one ex that you stay close friends with no matter what
and fer me, its him.
in that month more or less that we werent together,
we were best friends.
kinda like me and jesus except ten times better.
anyways, my point in all of this is to tell you about this morning.
i was on facebook talking to Isaac and Anthony
and then Jason logs in and chats me.
basically, he was asking me to cheat on martin with him.
or choice b: break up with him.
i asked him if he was serious er just wondering
he said 69 percent serious.
and then i asked him about plan b
and he said 98/2 !!
i told martin about it,
and he messaged him.
and then Jason denies being serious about it !!
he said "it was just a plain and simple question"
see thats why im never giving a jason another chance.
NEEEVERRRR
i mean doesnt he know that im happy with Martin ?
doesnt he know that i love him ?
and doesnt he know that i dont want to lose him ?
that he means soo much to me
that he leaves me speechless and lost for words
that he makes me feel like ive never felt before?
and even if he didnt know this,
he shouldnt be asking me to do that shit,
especially if i have a boyfriend,
and he has a girlfriend.
hes so.. stupid..
ughh.
just giving me more to vent to to my chicas tomorrow at our GNO(:
for example
Jesus and Riley
nough said with Riley
And with Jesus..
i dunno it was a trial and error
so you know that was just wrong in so many ways.
then theres Jason and Seth.
two different kinds of stupid.
Jason was a good boyfriend,
but when we were ex's fer the first time
he was a total dick to me.
thats not okay with me.
and Seth,
same shit,
plus hes just stupid periodd.
out of these theres two that i wish i could take back.
Riley and Seth.
and then theres the guy im with Now
Martin.
the best friend who the main character in a movie falls in love with
the guy you want in yer life ferever no matter what.
the guy who knows all yer secrets before anyone else
who knows what not to say around you
and what to tell you to make you feel better.
the guy who gives you that fairytale life,
or night.
and in life theres always that one ex that you stay close friends with no matter what
and fer me, its him.
in that month more or less that we werent together,
we were best friends.
kinda like me and jesus except ten times better.
anyways, my point in all of this is to tell you about this morning.
i was on facebook talking to Isaac and Anthony
and then Jason logs in and chats me.
basically, he was asking me to cheat on martin with him.
or choice b: break up with him.
i asked him if he was serious er just wondering
he said 69 percent serious.
and then i asked him about plan b
and he said 98/2 !!
i told martin about it,
and he messaged him.
and then Jason denies being serious about it !!
he said "it was just a plain and simple question"
see thats why im never giving a jason another chance.
NEEEVERRRR
i mean doesnt he know that im happy with Martin ?
doesnt he know that i love him ?
and doesnt he know that i dont want to lose him ?
that he means soo much to me
that he leaves me speechless and lost for words
that he makes me feel like ive never felt before?
and even if he didnt know this,
he shouldnt be asking me to do that shit,
especially if i have a boyfriend,
and he has a girlfriend.
hes so.. stupid..
ughh.
just giving me more to vent to to my chicas tomorrow at our GNO(:
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Drama Llama strikes again... - Lauren
School doesn't even start for another two weeks and the Drama Llama is already back.
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...
I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....
I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...
I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....
I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(
Sunday, June 27, 2010
gahhhh!!!!!!!!!-Brianna
I'm going insane in this house.. literally i cannot wait til school starts again. I'll admit we fight more during the school year because there's a lot going on, but when we fight over the summer, they're huge fights. lots of yelling involved.
this is just stupid. okay so i asked to go to Florida/Georgia for two weeks with one of my best friends. its a long time and very far, but its with my best friend of 2 years. its not like it was someone else who i hardly knew, who jsut invited me out of no where. so anyways it was a free trip all expenses paid. i told her all the details, and gave her time to think. infact i gave her about 2 weeks to think. she still said no. i was mad but i got over it. Today my sister asked to go outta state with her BOYFRIEND, who she lost her v card to, for 3 weeks. my mom yelled at her, then said "fine"
is it me or is that just not fair?! like honestly think about it, compare them, if you had a daughter and she asked you to pick between letting her go fer 2 weeks with her best friend nd her family, or with her boy friend and no one else, which would you choose?! i've posted this on myspace facebook twitter nd even here, but once again, i state, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY MOMS THINKING!!
So since i was supposed to leave this up coming weekend, and im not, im trying to make plans, like going to nilsas house fer a few hours during the day, hanging at the mall, having shelby, lexi, or nilsa come over fer a few hours or spend the night... my mom yelled at me cause she doesnt want me making so many plans... shes really starting to piss me off.. like really?! im a fucking teenager, i can only do nothing for so long.
Martin leaves on Wednesday nd should be back thursady night. i was hoping to see him this weekend but no. first my mom said no. second. hes busy. its not fair! Alexis *my sister* gets to see her boyfriend like 5 days out of the 7 in the week. i know its easier fer her cause hes got a car and all but still.
im the kid my mom doesnt have to worry about yet she has a tighter leash on me than anyone else in this house. i dont understand why. im the one who has never sneaked out, never lied about where i was or who i was with, ive never come home with a grade lower than 71, im the one whos decided to "save herself til marriage" because of what my sister did, im the one who tells my mom everything that goes on in my life even though it seems as if she could care less. im the kid that has to act as two because my sister hardly talks to us anymore. yet she lets my sister go where ever with who ever when ever. its fucking stupid.
i dont think my sister understands what she has. she has the freedom to do whatever she wants yet she somehow found a way to fuck it up nd make my mom get all strict on us. even me, the one who hardly does anything bad minus forgetting to wash the dishes every so often. literally, the child anyone would kill for! im not trying to brag or anything but seriously! im an amazing kid! compared to 98% of teenagers out there, im practically perfect! but i somehow get stuck with a sister who lies, cheats, sneeks around, talks to much, tries to act like an adult, and thinks shes old enough to do whatever she wants. but you know what? if shes old enough to have sex, she should be old enough to pay her own bills, get a job, or even learn to fucking clean up after herself!
God... shes so fucking immature for a 15 year old... or maybe im just to mature for a soon to be 14 year old.
i just hate how i got stuck with a sister whos my total opposite. i know everyone says you should love your family and blah blah blah but honestly? its hard to love someone who causes so much pain, heart break and disappointment.
sighh i think ive let all my frustration out... now if only Martin would text me backk... :(
this is just stupid. okay so i asked to go to Florida/Georgia for two weeks with one of my best friends. its a long time and very far, but its with my best friend of 2 years. its not like it was someone else who i hardly knew, who jsut invited me out of no where. so anyways it was a free trip all expenses paid. i told her all the details, and gave her time to think. infact i gave her about 2 weeks to think. she still said no. i was mad but i got over it. Today my sister asked to go outta state with her BOYFRIEND, who she lost her v card to, for 3 weeks. my mom yelled at her, then said "fine"
is it me or is that just not fair?! like honestly think about it, compare them, if you had a daughter and she asked you to pick between letting her go fer 2 weeks with her best friend nd her family, or with her boy friend and no one else, which would you choose?! i've posted this on myspace facebook twitter nd even here, but once again, i state, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY MOMS THINKING!!
So since i was supposed to leave this up coming weekend, and im not, im trying to make plans, like going to nilsas house fer a few hours during the day, hanging at the mall, having shelby, lexi, or nilsa come over fer a few hours or spend the night... my mom yelled at me cause she doesnt want me making so many plans... shes really starting to piss me off.. like really?! im a fucking teenager, i can only do nothing for so long.
Martin leaves on Wednesday nd should be back thursady night. i was hoping to see him this weekend but no. first my mom said no. second. hes busy. its not fair! Alexis *my sister* gets to see her boyfriend like 5 days out of the 7 in the week. i know its easier fer her cause hes got a car and all but still.
im the kid my mom doesnt have to worry about yet she has a tighter leash on me than anyone else in this house. i dont understand why. im the one who has never sneaked out, never lied about where i was or who i was with, ive never come home with a grade lower than 71, im the one whos decided to "save herself til marriage" because of what my sister did, im the one who tells my mom everything that goes on in my life even though it seems as if she could care less. im the kid that has to act as two because my sister hardly talks to us anymore. yet she lets my sister go where ever with who ever when ever. its fucking stupid.
i dont think my sister understands what she has. she has the freedom to do whatever she wants yet she somehow found a way to fuck it up nd make my mom get all strict on us. even me, the one who hardly does anything bad minus forgetting to wash the dishes every so often. literally, the child anyone would kill for! im not trying to brag or anything but seriously! im an amazing kid! compared to 98% of teenagers out there, im practically perfect! but i somehow get stuck with a sister who lies, cheats, sneeks around, talks to much, tries to act like an adult, and thinks shes old enough to do whatever she wants. but you know what? if shes old enough to have sex, she should be old enough to pay her own bills, get a job, or even learn to fucking clean up after herself!
God... shes so fucking immature for a 15 year old... or maybe im just to mature for a soon to be 14 year old.
i just hate how i got stuck with a sister whos my total opposite. i know everyone says you should love your family and blah blah blah but honestly? its hard to love someone who causes so much pain, heart break and disappointment.
sighh i think ive let all my frustration out... now if only Martin would text me backk... :(
Friday, June 18, 2010
What makes it all worthwhile - Lauren
So, I had 8 people at my house today. 8 Loud, Obnoxious, rude, perverted and Foul people at my house today. These are the people That I call my friends. I hosted an Anime Marathon, not that we did all that much watching of actual Anime. We put it on and made fun if it, laughing uproariously and having a great time. We went from one till 10:30, when the last person Left. Gerda, Joe, Paul, Marlena, Darwin, My brother Jim, his 'friend' Ashley, Nilsa and I all had an amazing time bring huge dorks and laughing at the most perverted stuff. A portion of us pitched in and we bought the entire series pack of the powerpuff girls. (Nilsa has a share in it toooo) We got caught in the random texas ten minute rain doing it and it soaked us all, but it was worth it. ^_^ We had an amazing time.
And it's nights and friends and times like these that make all the shit worth living through.
I don't know how anyone could ever want to give that up.
I had a friend tell me she was considering suicide, (I won't go into details, no one needs to know who or why.) But... It just made me wonder what could be so bad that someone would voluntarily give all this up. I know things suck sometimes, but I'm a firm believer in 'it's always darkest before the dawn'. If you can make it through the shit that seems so bad to you, then when you get out then nothing ever seems as bad because you've had that moment of complete blackness and you go 'well, it's better than that at least'. The funny thing? even in my moments of complete blackness... Nothing ever seemed worth giving my life for. I know there's always more to live for and things to do, people who I love who it would make me too sad to think about not ever seeing again.
Even if you feel like you have nothing and nothing is worth living for. Take a real hard look around you.
People have friends they take for granted, family they love but don't always like, pets, neighbors, hobbies, favorite flavors of ice cream, think about never seeing any of that again.
How does that not just depress you?
So, nothing would ever be worth it to me to just give my life up for a silly emotional reaction.
So no worries my friends (those of you who are my friends anyway, and I suppose to thse of you i haven't met yet as well I guess too. XD) You don't have to worry about me going anywhere for a long long time.
And it's nights and friends and times like these that make all the shit worth living through.
I don't know how anyone could ever want to give that up.
I had a friend tell me she was considering suicide, (I won't go into details, no one needs to know who or why.) But... It just made me wonder what could be so bad that someone would voluntarily give all this up. I know things suck sometimes, but I'm a firm believer in 'it's always darkest before the dawn'. If you can make it through the shit that seems so bad to you, then when you get out then nothing ever seems as bad because you've had that moment of complete blackness and you go 'well, it's better than that at least'. The funny thing? even in my moments of complete blackness... Nothing ever seemed worth giving my life for. I know there's always more to live for and things to do, people who I love who it would make me too sad to think about not ever seeing again.
Even if you feel like you have nothing and nothing is worth living for. Take a real hard look around you.
People have friends they take for granted, family they love but don't always like, pets, neighbors, hobbies, favorite flavors of ice cream, think about never seeing any of that again.
How does that not just depress you?
So, nothing would ever be worth it to me to just give my life up for a silly emotional reaction.
So no worries my friends (those of you who are my friends anyway, and I suppose to thse of you i haven't met yet as well I guess too. XD) You don't have to worry about me going anywhere for a long long time.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
How does this happen? - Lauren
What do you do when one of the people closest to your heart honestly tells you that talking to you is pissing her off?
Shea's been ignoring everyone since summer started, and we've all been seriously worried about her. She won't talk to most people, and when she does it's short 1-3 word texts which on a general basis she hates. We all know something's wrong, but she Wouldn't tell anyone. I talked to her today all cheerful and wanting to see her, and she tells me talking to me is pissing her off and this: "And I'm not going to the park tomorrow, despite being free, because that's all your friends, and I'm well aware of the fact that they would much prefer to not talk to me. I don't care anymore, Lauren. I just don't." and Logs off. I talked to Marlena and she said she'd talked to Shea earlier that day and she said that Shea "basically feels unwanted and ignored. She thinks people intentionally exclude her." even though I keep inviting her to things and every time i talked to her i said i wanted to see her. I don't understand her tantrum, Me, Jenny, Joe, Gerda, Dylan, we've all been wanting to talk to her, but she won't, and I don't understand how she feels ignored when she's ignoring us.
I really don't know how to feel or what to do when someone I really cares about decides I suck and I'm not worth talking to. It really, seriously sucks, and I feel like crap because of it. I don't know what to do, there's really nothing I can do, but sit here and wait.
I hate waiting.
I hate feeling like this.
I need a break from the break...
Shea's been ignoring everyone since summer started, and we've all been seriously worried about her. She won't talk to most people, and when she does it's short 1-3 word texts which on a general basis she hates. We all know something's wrong, but she Wouldn't tell anyone. I talked to her today all cheerful and wanting to see her, and she tells me talking to me is pissing her off and this: "And I'm not going to the park tomorrow, despite being free, because that's all your friends, and I'm well aware of the fact that they would much prefer to not talk to me. I don't care anymore, Lauren. I just don't." and Logs off. I talked to Marlena and she said she'd talked to Shea earlier that day and she said that Shea "basically feels unwanted and ignored. She thinks people intentionally exclude her." even though I keep inviting her to things and every time i talked to her i said i wanted to see her. I don't understand her tantrum, Me, Jenny, Joe, Gerda, Dylan, we've all been wanting to talk to her, but she won't, and I don't understand how she feels ignored when she's ignoring us.
I really don't know how to feel or what to do when someone I really cares about decides I suck and I'm not worth talking to. It really, seriously sucks, and I feel like crap because of it. I don't know what to do, there's really nothing I can do, but sit here and wait.
I hate waiting.
I hate feeling like this.
I need a break from the break...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Our School Sucks & Backstabbing Whores -_- -Haley
REALLY? an 8th period? Our lunch is being delayed almost and hour and a half?!
I HATE YOU MR FUGLY. YOU RUIN EVERYTHING. Ms Day or whatever her
fatass name is. I hate you both, I can't wait to leave this school. Fuck DMS. FUCK MANOR
and fuck all the two faced whores that think that I don't hear what they have to say
because I do hear, and all of my so called friends, who think I don't know what they
have to say, I already know. So don't bother talking to me anymore. Im so tired of little kid drama that they like to play. It's fucking shit. I'm too old to be arguing about boys but they don't understand that it's fucking OLD SHIT. I can't wait to leave Decker.
Chaiya-&-Haley 1.1O.1O
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