The Dating Situation - Lauren

So John and I have been dating for a month now (as of yesterday). It's still very strange to me... I don't really know what to make of it. I guess I'm really behind on all this... It's a little sad really... But hey. I'm catching up. quite probably too fast for my liking. I spent the weekend with a bunch of scare people, camping out at Jarrett's parent's ranch out past san saba, and of course because it was a scare thing John was there, and it was an amazing weekend. Saturday night it got down to 23 degrees and it was cold as all hell, and Jarrett had set up a movie outside to amuse the teenagers while the adults slept, and John and I were curled up in a chair together to stay warm, it was really comfy, and I really enjoyed that part. I slept on his shoulder both two and a half hour car rides, up and back, it was nice. But... he came over for a little while on valentines day and things got... well lets say you put two teenagers who really like each other in a house alone, and guess what happens. We didn't go all the way but we got pretty damn close and it spooked me a bit...

This is going to sound really weird but... none of that sexual stuff really matters to me. Like, at all. I'm such a complete and utter hopeless romantic, I love all the dumb, romantic, sweet, whatever, stuff. I love the stupid heart fights and the endless compliments on both ends... I love hearing I love you and saying it back, But... The other end of it... Really I couldn't care less. Clearly he does care. But... I just don't know if I want to go there yet. But... It really doesn't seem to affect me much either way.

The only thing I'm really concerned about is how broke i am and I don't want to do Shit unless I know damn sure nothing's going to come of it that will affect my future. I may not know what I want that future to be yet, but I know damn well I don't want to be one of those girls, just graduated with an infant on her hip. I want kids and a family, when I'm older and after I've had a chance to live my life.

I feel kinda bad, he wants to do a lot of what some refer to I guess as sexting, and I really couldn't care less, but I'm working on my physics project and ranting here, I really didn't feel like going there right now, I just turned my phone off. I needed a chance to think. I suppose that's the problem with teenage boys.... and being me. I really just... Don't care. I guess I probably should, but... I don't. Is that weird...? I really don't entirely know what to do here... >< I guess I just kinda wish you could turn that part off. Just have the gooey yucky romantic stuff, without bothering with the rest, but... That doesn't happen. ^_^;; I guess I'll just have to figure out where my line is and what I'm comfortable doing, since it's not for me... Bleh. >< Stupid being complicated. :/