Hate that i love you so-Brianne

so i dont like that im still hung over this guy.
i hate it infact.
i hate that ive now known him for a year,
and ive had feelings for him starting at day one.
only to get my heart broken repeatedly.
its like
i always fall the hardest for the ones that hurt me.
Jesus, Martin, Jason.
but out of these, the one that will always no matter what have a piece of my heart,
is Jesus.
If you ask any of my friends,
they know damn well who he is,
and what hes done to me.
And if i told them i was going back out with him.
theyd probably punch me in the face.
dead serious.
ugh..
i wish i never met him.
i seem to be wishing for the same thing with martin lately too...
only because he doesnt listen.
ever.
he asks for advice,
and i give it to him,
then he does it his way,
and ends up learning the hard way that he shouldve done it my way.
like im getting tired of him only texting me when hes hurt.
or when he doesnt know what to do.
i feel like yelling at him,
and just telling it to him striaght.
or maybe ill just stop giving him advice.
either way,
hes not gonna like it..

Jesus- Brianna

So..
On Friday
I ended up going to the game right?
Only to find out its middle school night.
Meaning: I was gonna see Oscar, Bobby, Isayana, Yahaira, and so on.
Also Meaning: i was gonna see Jesus.
I love this kid right?
And well..
i thought i was done with him.
i thought that he was nothing more than just my friend.
Well at the game,
we kissed.
Twice.
i wasnt really disappointed in myself for kissing him
as far as i knew he was single.
So anyways before i got on the bus to leave,
i ask him for one last kiss before i dont see him for a while right?
well he gives it to me then says
"youre gonna hate me so much right now"
and i ask why
his response?
"i have a girlfriend"
... :/
last night i finally realized that breaking up with him might have been a really bad mistake...
last night i also realized that i love him more than i ever will love anyone else :/

Life as we know it - Lauren

It's been a while. Life is decent, but there are some things I wished I could change...
I don't sleep much, not with Scare. So I'm always dead tired and really slow. I wish there was a way to do scare and still sleep. ><

Our house stinks - our water heater is broken and has been since this summer, and we aren't the best at keeping on top of things, so the dishes stink. I hate living in a house full of guys... It sucks. they are all slobs, and yet bryan (my uncle) always yells at us for not cleaning up. My dad isn't so bad, he hates things being dirty, he just doesn't have the time or particularly care enough to do things himself. He always has me or my brother do it when he's not doing anything in particular anyways. It's ridiculous. And my brother's just a sloppy whiny emo kid who needs to do his laundry more than once a month and shower more than only when his hair starts to get all sticky.

The house work doesn't get kept up because I don't have time to do everything myself, so nothing gets done. I hate it, it stinks, but... What can I do? I'm already not sleeping much... I don't have any choices but to just suffer... I can't wait to move out. I really can't. Yeah, it comes with all sorts of adult changes and living in the real world, and all that shit, but... As much as I love my family, I can't wait to not have to be around so many moody guys all day every day. >< Man, and they think we're bad. O.o

Montanna and Mike broke up last week, she came home to her stuff all packed and his status on facebook was single, and she (for the first time ever) after some debate (he's full of it - he's all "Well it's your choice if we're still together or not") she just said fuck it and left, and then an hour later he calls her and begs her to come home, he was wrong... all that shit. She's now staying back at their apartment, but didn't exactly hurry to put her facebook status back from single, she's not paying as much attention as before, she's hanging out with other people more, and he's not taking it so well. But honestly, he wasn't giving her room to be a teenager, and she wasn't ready to be an adult. She's 20, and he's twice her age. I'm sad that they are sad, but really i think it's better for both of them that they don't mend bridges and get together again, they just don't... mesh really. It just doesn't work.

I feel like I'm losing some of the all around niceness i was so known for... Once someone's broken my trust I really couldn't care less for them... And I feel bad for it, but it's true.
This morning in the hallway after the bell rang, we were slowly making our way to the doors with the crowd, and I passed AM&AN sitting together in the hallway, and when I glanced that direction AM's face was all pinkish and she had this look on her face, the one I knew from when we were really close as the one she makes just before she starts crying... and I didn't feel anything. I felt like I should feel bad, feel something, but.... I just turned away and kept walking. I feel really bad for it, but... She broke the friendship through all her lies and unwillingness to improve her own life, move forward, and fix the things she wanted to desperately to complain about. I have more sympathy for strangers than I did for someone who used to be one of my closest friends at that moment. I feel bad that I don't feel worse, but... I just can't make myself feel like she doesn't deserve anything she gets for the lifestyle she's chosen... She lied and lost all of her true friends who really cared, and now has a whole host of people who doesn't really care and are all out for their own self interest... I wish I could say I didn't think she deserves being kicked out of her house, I wish I could say I miss her, I wish I could say I wish we were still friends, but I can't... I don't believe any of it... I just can't make myself care anymore.

Kids-Brianna

So ive been in a shitty mood all day
Head aches are horrible, and i miss Francisco.
But today, i had to take care of 3 kids.
One ten year old girl named Stephanie,
a three year old boy named Allen,
and a One year old named Isabella.
They were the highlight of my year.
im not even kidding.
Stephanie was so adorable
she was quiet at first, but she knew how to start up a convo,
Allen was crazy! all he did was just jump around scream and and say Mario
and Isa, Oh my goodness im in love with her!!!
She didnt want to go to her grandma, she wanted to stay with me!!
these kids drove me around insane and i loved every second of it!
Stephanie took care of Allen while i took care of Isa,
Isa was quiet and didnt cry
and allen is quite the kid,
theyre all great.
i cannot wait til i have kids of my own
Kids simply bring me joy.
im telling you, its the little things in life that
take my mind off of things.
Tomorrows my Nuero app.
wish me luck!

Bad week- Brianna

This weeks isnt gonna be that great. i can tell.
Already.
Friday night a friend of mine died.
Car crash.
It sucks.
Tomorrow im going to a nuerologist.
Scarry shit.
My head ahes are reaaally bad.
And thats already after 6 tylonals,
and some other pill thats reaallly strong :/
and its not a heach ache.
its GThe spots where i got hit that hurt..
it suuucks.
Martin and ******
are together.
im not jealous.
Just upset.
because i know he can do so much better.
and i know that since theyre going out..
i still have to play nice after our project.
Other wise ill also lose my best friend.
thats really something i dont want to risk.
I just wish he realized that
no matter how hard we try,
me and her arent gonna be friends.
In bio. its all Fake smiles, Fake laughs, Rolling of the eyes behind the computer screen,
cursing at each other in our heads.
thats just how it works.
and i feel bad casue when martin comes around
its weird. and all three of us can feel the tenssion.
or maybe its just me.
Considering of what went down.
Its kinda weird thinking that
if it werent for her,
me and Martin could still have been together.
I dont wish for it not to have happened,
but its weird thinking about it you know?
ut i understand things happen for a reason
and whatever that reason was, God knows, and soon in time, i will too.
So about my friend dying.
That made me realize..
i could lose anyone of my friends next.
There fore,
i decided to write a really long letter to my best friend,
which i will give to him on Monday,
right before i leave the class room,
before i leave the school,
before i leave to see my nurologist.
And i dont care if he trhows it away,
or uses it as scratch paper,
as long as he knows.
i suppose.
Well im going to Hutto to clear my mind and chill with family.

So... Busy. -Nilsa

So much homework, so much on my mind. I haven't been keeping you guys updated on anything going on with my new friends, new teachers, ect. But here's a quick update on one of many situations: K*** is a terrible, horrible, very bad person. He's fooling around with Hannah's heart, and the sad thing is I helped him win it. I gave him a chance... why?! Now he turns around and asks me for what he's not getting from her. Um, hell no.
I talk to R****** about it sometimes. Turns out, there are numerous girls who like K*** as more than a friend. He just doesn't feel like choosing only one.
Now he's upset with me. Mad that I'm going to tell Hannah what he asked me for. But who wouldn't?
The only thing I'm really sad about is my ridiculous crush on someone who's friends with K***. But oh-well. Things'll work out. (?)

Tonight part 2 :D - Brianna

So i just got home from the dance...
and it was amazing!!!
ugh it reminded me of prom soo muchh !
Sneaking in, Hiding away, almost getting in trouble,
and the hardest part of all,
leaving!
ugh i was heart broken when i was saying bye to them!!
Heres how the night started: me and oscar were hanging out, then nilsa got there,
we caught up on school nd life nd stuff in Mr.Wards room.
then we went into an empty hallway nd kept talking.
then lexi got there.
Seeing her fer the first time in two months was crazy!!
i didnt realize how much i missed her!
so then we danced,
we got asked if we went to the school,
we got hit on,
and of course, we turned em down(: haha
after a while of dancing we snuck away from the dance to again, Mr.wards room
when we got there the haunted hosue started so we decided to turn off the lights nd just chill there,
We ended up needing oscar, and since he was in the haunted house he
had to hide with us or he wouldve gotten in trouble for leaving
so basically theres four teenagers, in a 7th grade science room, with the lights turned off.
Every few minutes we were like "shhhhh !!! someones coming!"
it was amazing(:
so about 20 minutes before i left we decided to go back down to the dance so that itd be easier to leave when my mom got there.
Well we ended up leaving at the same time as one of the HH tours :D
So all the teachers were like "was it scarry did you like it?"
it was great!!
While we were stuck up there,
i decided to text one of my friends David.
So i kinda have a big crush on him right?
well.. anyways so we were texting,
about what languages we speak,
then out of no where he randomly texts me...
Leme show you the whole convo!
Me:Italians my third :D
David:I love you
Me:me?
David:yes!
Me:why me?
David:cause ur amazing:D
Im sorry, but i think thats uberly sweet(:
If only he had the balls to ask me out(:
anyways, we did make plans to see eachother soon
wanna know his reply?
"Sweet. Finally get to see u"
:D
XP im not one to usually freak out over a guy this much,
but i have for him, ever since we first met, its so weird!
like im not used to it, but
i mean hey, were just friends :P
well i am off to bedd
just kidding.
idkk, im just off to go
enjoy the rest of my friday night.(:

Tonight- Brianna

Tonights the night ive been waiting for, for a long time.
im FINALLY gonna see two of my closest friends together,
for the first time in two months!
ugh im so happy.
I think today was just a good day over all.
in some ways.
Like finally, me and jesus broke up.
he broke up with me, cause i couldnt break up with him.
it was weird. like i reallly wanted to,
i even changed my relationship status YESTERDAY!
but everytime id go up to him, hed start walking away,
or id chicken out !
it was weird, but anyways
point is were finally over :D
and in PE today, me nd marcos messed around a lot,
like fer the first time in a while, i didnt focus on homework or people
or problems.
i played(:
we were laughing and throwing balls, and licking each other,
and giving massages, it was great(:
if only he werent a senior D:
oh well, things happen fer a reason right?(:
i can still admire from a distance xP
bahaha
but anyways,
Things at school are gonna be a bit hard for a while,
but soon enough itll get easier
The reason shall not be said on here fer reasons..that dont need to be said(:
My girls will know about it by the end of the nightt :D
Hope everyone has a good weekend!!! (:

Lunch once a month- Brianna

Okay so some new shit that i just found out about.
My dad wants to stop paying CS because he doesnt have a job
because he got fired,
cause he went to jail,
cause he beat up his girlfriend right?
right.
So, my mom called their case worker who talked to my dad,
who said he only wants to pay 20 dollars a month.
what do three kids and a parent do with 20 dollars a month?!
Do you realize that once a month hed be buying us lunch?
thats it!
thats all you can do with 20 dollars a month.
anyways, then we found out that he receives $800/month.
and yet he only wants to give us 20?!
like i get it that hes not gonna give us 300 hundred because its not posible for someone to live off of 500 a month, but still.
today i also found out he should be paying $739 a month...
yet when he USED to pay child support he only gave us 300 at the most.
Imagine his bill? first from all those 7 years he never paid, then those 400 from every month he did pay!
idkk... again i state theres a lotta shit going down with this family and im so so soo ready to just let it all go.

i dont know- brianna

i dont know what happened today.
i dont understand why it happened.
i wish it never did happen,
and i wish i wasnt sick.
today i think i had a melt down.
first of all, theres so much going on
at school with the projects and grades.
and collage and community hours.
then theres friends, best friends, people i hate, people who hate me,
then theres family stress, my sister alwasy being so rude to me infront of everyone,
expecting more than she gives,
and my mom and my dad,
and my mom wanting to move.
and then on top of all that
i have band practice.
games, morning practices, saturday practices, and extra long practices,theennn the first week of Nov. i have the play that ill have to work on. its insane how much im doing this year, and its only October!
but thats not my point. today i wasnt in a good mood,
i had thee biggest head ache ive had in a monthh.
it was so bad i almost started crying twice in the morning.
in the courtyard and in first period,
eventually my train of thoughts starting going and going and i coulnt help it i just broke down.
i hated it soo much.
then during lunch i took one look at my food,
went to the restroom, and threw up.
so i went home.
on top of all of that, i had a presentation today, and so i offered Malenie to do it during lunch, while she was telling me what the teacher told her, she was giving me an ugly look and attitude. when i said thanks, she rolled her eyes.
a little while later dylan caled me over to her,
and she was standing close to malenie,
at this time i was crying,
and i heard malenie *i think** say "shes just asking for attention"
im not fer sure it was her, but i wouldnt doubt it if it was.
If it werent fer martin being my best friend,
and me and her being in a group together,
id seriously put her in her place.
im so tired of her bs.
i do nothing to her,
yet she does all of this shit to me?
like its reaally getting old.
but its stupid, im not risking a grade jsut to shut her mouth up.
Basically, im just so tired and i need a break asap.
Nilsa, lets go drive away to Galvaston, you in?

School- Brianna

So although i tend to complain about missing my friends,
and how its not the same,
and how i wish it could go back to like it was 8th grade year,
i actually REALLY like my freshman year.
I was thinking about it today.
Like two of my best friends are Martin *duh*
and Paulina.
And then ive met a couple of really cool upper classmen
such as Sophomore: Roldando, trumpet player, kinda cute, really nice and funny(:
Senior: Marcos Pikalio player, going to collage, reeeaallly cute, taken but a flirt ;) lol
then theres Junior: Jesse going out with Paulina, my sisters ex, french horn player, drum major, and really great guy(:
these guys are really great, along with all my other friends,
During lunch, i think i have the most fun,
thats when i talk to Isaac and just relax.
i dont have to wear a fake smile for him,
i dont ahve to pretend to feel soemthing i dont,
its great(:
hes a good friendd.
but anyways so i mean although theres soo much on my plate, i still enjoy it.
Its life, ya know?
Project after project after project its crazy,
but in a way its a good kind of crazyy(:
Lucky for me,
my friends and i have made plans to hang out this fridayy :D
im so happy, i miss them so much !
and its like finally,
this weekends gonna be a good one,
in fact so far this week has been great,
nd for some reason, i think tomorrows gonna be really good.
just a feeling.
Maybe cause im seeing oscar, maybe cause im getting some hours done,
or maybe for reasons i should keep to myselff..
We'll see (:

What am i doing?- Brianna

So today i found out that the day before we broke up,
martin tried to kiss Malenie.
Although it doesnt bother me now,
its like wtf?
you know? still sucks knowing that he wouldve cheated on me.
And so im asking myself right now,
What am i doing,
being best friends with my ex boyfriend,
Who almost cheated on me,
Hurt me a few to many times,
and that i still have feelings for?
Although these feelings arent big,
theyre there, and it sucks.
At times i just wanna grab his face and kiss him!
But i know its not worth even trying ever again with him.
So all i have to do is get over him, and move on.
Be friends,
correction,
Be best friends,
with no feelings towards each other,
and continue the school year.
i think that Thanksgiving break and Christmas break are gonna help me.
thats how i got over Jason.
Well i mean summer.
but still.
And i mean im giving myself props,
i think ive hidden my feelings pretty well.
i help him with his girl troubles,
ive gotten a new boyfriend,
and i try not to talk to him every single chance i get.
Ya know?
Oh well. Eventually ill be completely done with him as a boyfriend,
and hopefully thats soon.
"Having trouble to believe
I was ever on your mind
It's getting harder just to breathe
Cuz you left my heart on the battle lines
You played the game, you called the shots
To get what you want, but is not enough
So I come to you, with a broken heart
So before I go, gotta let you know

That you never did care enough about me anyway
So I guess it'd be best for both of us if I didn't stay
Well you never did care enough about me anyway
Left my heart on the floor now you know
Gotta go my own way I can't stay"

One of the many reasons im in love with Honor Society these guys are the best(:

My Wishlist -Nilsa

Before I begin, let me just point out that I love my life.

The List
1. A mom who gets it
2. Love in "that" way
3. Money

Scare Fail FTW - Lauren

Scare's dress rehearsal was tonight, it went swimmingly with few mishaps, and it was awesome, until Rico decided to put some flaming barrels around, which was OK till the flames went out, and a short little one was in the complete dark, with burning hot metal, where it was in an awesome trip spot. >< I sorta kinda tripped and burnt the crap out of my fingers, Montanna went and called EMS on me for a little burn though, i went down there and they did exactly what the people with the first aid kit were doing in the makeup trailer, with little packets of burn cream and everything. XD Faillll. Then they couldn't get the bandaid to stay, so they taped my first two fingers together and taped up my thumb. I feel like a gimp. ^_^;;

Jenny and her new BF Fitzy went through with my two free tickets to dress rehearsal, They don't seem very coupley (except that jenny dressed up a little and did her makeup.) like, he wasn't even the first person she asked to take with her, kristina, then some other dude whos name i always forget were first. lol. ^_^;; It just seems odd to me.
Had a good time though, except for burning myself. I must admit, typing this is really difficult one finger short, it's only through constant editing that it's readable at all. XD So I'll leave y'all with that for now and go to sleep. Three more days before I can sleep again!! Then we do it all over next week, and the one after that!

"Hes got the hots for you"- Brianna

things like that,
make you feel soo good(:
knowing someones gonna ask you out,
makes you feel pretty,
getting asked out, makes you feel Beautiful(:
So no, i didnt get asked out.
Buuut.
According to two people,
David likes me.
Davids this guy whos kinda hot, has my same birthday,
and smells good.(:
we go to different schools,
that are far away,
so how do i know that?
he looks like the type that would smell good(:
so ive kinda sorta liked him since like a week before my...
correction OUR birthdays,
and since then weve talked alittle,
exchanged numbers, and texted a lott!! (:
hes even my good luck charm(:
so today, I found out he likes me right?
the ecact words?
" I haven't talked to David in like, almost a month. So, I dunno what's up with him, but he has the hots for you, so I'm sure he'd wanna come. :D ahahaha"
ahhh !!! gosh im pretty happy(:
but theeennnn..
Jacob texted me.
i brought up David,
and he asked me if i was cheating on him
wtf?!
when did we start going out?!!
ahaha
then theres Jesus whos supposed to ask me out,
but now if he does, imma say no.
hes waited to long,
and a real man never makes a lady wait(:
so there you have it.
my love break down of the dayy(:
haha !!
Okay so apperently me and jacob have been together since homecoming?
i dont think so, nice try though sweet heartt(:

So today- Brianna

today was horrible.
i just wasnt in a good mood.
i started thinking about things.
and how weird school is without my friends.
so then i started missing them,
and for the first time since the last day of school,
i cried because of how much i missed them
like its so weird not having them with me everywhere i go!
like lunch?!
its not fun.
worl geolit?
not fun
Geometry?
not at all fun.
its just different without them
nd i reaaalllllyyy wish they came to my school, or i went to theirs,
either way,
i wish it was like it was last year.
dont get me wrong,
i like all my friends at my school,
but their not my best friends,
and they never will be.
i only have one close friend there,
and i feel like im slowly losing him.
and i know im sounding whinny and junk but
its just weird not having them around 24/7

Comfortable? - Lauren

So... There's very little going on right now.
Lyn and her drama has nearly completely subsided.
Jim's behaving himself and being a good boyfriend to Ashley.
My friends are harmonious.
Shea's Hutto High Scare is over (she almost didn't get her TEA form for her drivers license, and if she hadn't gotten it her mom was going to transfer her) and ended well.
It's October, so SCARE is taking up every avaliable ounce of my energies. (October is the month when I don't sleep. XD)
Homework and Class Loads aren't great, but aren't too bad.
My Choir issues are slowly going away, Dr. Fish still yells at us all the freaking time, but it's better when you have people to talk to. :) Chamber is getting much better, I was sitting and writing something today, and Tiara dragged me back into the group cuz I wasn't supposed to sit alone. ;) Megan invited me to her house Tuesday to watch Glee with her and David, and possibly Chris, which I may or may not take her up on, because I'm pretty sure that for some reason David hates me, but Chris is awesome... So I dunno. >< But it was still really nice to be asked. :)
I miss my best friend a whole hell of a lot, but she is at least trying more to talk to me now, she's initiated a few conversations so I'm really hoping things get better from here on out...
Of course there are still my normal issues, mostly about my completely nonexistent romance life, and how I really wish it existed (and how I'm tired of people telling me that I'm wrong, and I don't want one. Maybe I don't need one, but... It'd be nice to be able to decide for myself. It'd be nice to even be asked. It'd be nice to know I'm not a complete failure as you have heard me rant about before....). But you know. It's... Not so bad. :)
Things are just... Comfortable.
And I'm OK with that.

i hate to say it...-Brianna

but i told you so.
see,
it may seem like im just a jealous ex-girlfriend
but honestly?
im not.
im a best friend whos just looking out for you.
I TOLD YOU SO!!
thats all i have to say about it.
***************************
So yesterday i had marching band contest,
for the first time in 5 years...
we got a 2(:
and in two weeks,
were gonna get a one.
i know we are
im really excited about it.
We already made Manor history,
and this is only the first year.
i think from now, were gonna be getting ones(:
or at least starting next year.
******************************
a great song right now?
I Told You So- Carrie Underwood and Randy Travis
i love it.
i always have,
but right now more than ever.
******************************
"Would you say I told you so
Oh, I told you so
I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so
But you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again"