So, remember my
"New best friend"?
shes a little...
this whole time
everything that happened
ive been really nice to her
i tried to befriend her,
and for a while it was fine
everything was cool..
but it was thee biggest mistake ive made this year !!
She turned out to be so rude to me!
like im sure shes not usually a mean person
so why towards me does she act like that?!
is it cause i had what she wants?
or should i say WANTED?
i dont understand why she wont just go out with Martin
her excuse is so...
typical..
but i guess i shouldnt say anything bad about her..
on that topic..
for now lets talk about
Today in PE
me and martin like talked and joked around in that class today fer the first time
i took advantage of that,
like i made sure that we were laughing.
and it was just as friends
then my "best friend" came over
and they were flirting so i left
then like no more than 2 minutes later so walks back to playing volleyball
a bit later Martin calls me and is all
" i bet i can make this" and he shoots the basketball
more than half way across the court
he didnt make it but still it was funny
and we got a joke outta it.
then she glares at me, and rolls her eyes.
like im sorry hes one of my best friends.
im sorry were close.
but sweetie,
if you want him soo badly,
go out with him.
like shit,
you made us break up,
so you might as well claim yer little prize.
but whateverr you know?
its just something i gotta go through thatll make me a much better person(:
this just made me realize how much i miss my best friends.
the ones i usually tell everything too,
who dont judge me,
accept my mistakes,
know that im a bitch,
and still love me(:
my two best friends go to different schools than me,
and it sucks i havent seen then in about a month and a half and its driving me nuts!!
im so used to being like "ill tell you next period, since i cant talk now"
andbeing like "dude so and so in 4th period is suuch a bitch"
now its like
we text each other when we have time, or when something big happens.
i miss the way things were last year.
like i keep saying i miss the 8th graders,
but no, i miss my best friends.
thats what i hate about high school
yer best friends become people you know,
and although were still always there fer each other its just harder.
i miss them so muchh
like i didnt think i needed them this much
but now seeing what im really going through,
its like i need them more than ever.
i cant wait til next saturday
cause im hoping and praying to hang out with themm
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Losing People-Claudia
I haven't seen two of my best friends since school started. That's what, five weeks? Six? I get that we all have these completely separate, independent, new lives with new people and new interests. I totally understand how busy everyone probably is. But what I don't understand is this: I go to a magnet school, play soccer, have parties and classes and babysitting and clubs and church stuff to do, but it doesn't matter. I always make time for my friends, because that's what's important to me. And every time they wait til Saturday morning to tell me oops, sorry I have this thing to go to, I can't make it to the movies, or the drag, or the frozen yogurt place, I feel like I'm the only one fighting for us to stay friends. I know how hard it is to keep up your friendships from other schools, I have so been there before, but I thought maybe this would be different. I know it would be, if they would make some kind of effort to even just maybe call me once in a while or, hell, even send me an email, instead of me always starting the IM conversations and making the weekend plans I know they're going to ditch at the last minute.
Even being told they don't have time for me and to stop calling would be preferable to this unsure almost game. I could stop bothering them and get back to my life if they would just tell me where we stand. I'm so used to losing friends. It's become kind of a routine almost. Sure I have a few best friends I've had since forever, but it seems like everyone else has come and gone in exactly the same way. We become friends, they suddenly get other, cooler friends and straddle two groups for a while, then they completely ditch me. To put it lamely and cliche-ly, t's like I'm a rung on the social ladder, like oh, you have to step on Claudia to get to the next level up.
A couple of years ago it was this girl. It was one of those crazy fast friendships where you spend some time gossiping in math class, you show up at one party together, and you're suddenly best friends who sleep on each other's floors all weekend and show up on Monday with matching newly red hair.
She was seriously probably the best friend I ever had. Not because we shared diaries and told each other our deepest secrets and cried together, cause that shit ain't real bro, but because we were both a little crazy and we made each other crazier and we pushed each other to this point where when I was around her I was this insane version of myself that I've never seen before or since. We snuck out, we went skinny dipping, we walked on the railroad tracks and climbed trains, we stole parking lot signs, we listened to screamo, we set off fireworks, explored in the creek, dyed our hair, played spin the bottle, drank and wore eyeliner that dripped down our cheeks.
So in a way, when we just kind of fizzled out, I didn't just lose her, I lost me, too. At least, that insane me. And I miss that. It's amazing how many people I miss due to my own inability to let people know that I want them to stay. I guess that's why I'm trying so hard with my other friends, with this different high schools thing. We're making cupcake plans for Friday and maybe it will actually work out this time.
Even being told they don't have time for me and to stop calling would be preferable to this unsure almost game. I could stop bothering them and get back to my life if they would just tell me where we stand. I'm so used to losing friends. It's become kind of a routine almost. Sure I have a few best friends I've had since forever, but it seems like everyone else has come and gone in exactly the same way. We become friends, they suddenly get other, cooler friends and straddle two groups for a while, then they completely ditch me. To put it lamely and cliche-ly, t's like I'm a rung on the social ladder, like oh, you have to step on Claudia to get to the next level up.
A couple of years ago it was this girl. It was one of those crazy fast friendships where you spend some time gossiping in math class, you show up at one party together, and you're suddenly best friends who sleep on each other's floors all weekend and show up on Monday with matching newly red hair.
She was seriously probably the best friend I ever had. Not because we shared diaries and told each other our deepest secrets and cried together, cause that shit ain't real bro, but because we were both a little crazy and we made each other crazier and we pushed each other to this point where when I was around her I was this insane version of myself that I've never seen before or since. We snuck out, we went skinny dipping, we walked on the railroad tracks and climbed trains, we stole parking lot signs, we listened to screamo, we set off fireworks, explored in the creek, dyed our hair, played spin the bottle, drank and wore eyeliner that dripped down our cheeks.
So in a way, when we just kind of fizzled out, I didn't just lose her, I lost me, too. At least, that insane me. And I miss that. It's amazing how many people I miss due to my own inability to let people know that I want them to stay. I guess that's why I'm trying so hard with my other friends, with this different high schools thing. We're making cupcake plans for Friday and maybe it will actually work out this time.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Meltdown... - Lauren
I really don't feel like re-typing everything, so if you care... here's the huge meltdown I just had in chat form with courtney. >.>
courtney: (:how're you dahling?
me: >:(
9:41 PM I'm grumpy tired and frustrated. ><
9:42 PM Stupid homework I don't get that I can't turn in late, Stupid people making me feel bad for telling them I didn't approve of an idea, stupid weak-ness that means everytime i do any exercise all my muscles hurt
:(
courtney: ):
wanna talk about any of it?
9:45 PM me: Ugh... I dunno, I'm just frustrated and PMSing on top of it. I feel like I'm gonna cry......
Over nothing
courtney: ooh..):
well.
I'm here for yah, babe : )
me: :,)
9:46 PM I just don't wanna deal with any of this shit right now, I had a really long weekend and would very much like to sleep, but that's the one thing I don't get to do. >.>
courtney: aw ):
that's so sad.
I'm so sorry ):
9:47 PM me: Yeah... I hate this, it happens every couple of months. It'll alternate that my PMS is barely noticeable, to the next month it's a total bitch and I'm crying over everything and picking fights I don't mean to pick, and i hurt, and I'm always tired, and it just sucks........
9:48 PM I'm also just getting completely frustrated with being unable to do anything...
In a lot of different ways
9:50 PM I can't leave the house without begging someone else to take me or walking in the 90 degree weather, And I always feel bad making people go out of their way to get me for things...
9:52 PM I'm in personal fitness again because my credit didn't count before due to starting late, and it's completely kicking my ass and I get to completely fail at everything we do beause I just can't do it, and she gives me these awful looks because she thiniks I'm just giving up, but I really can't do it, and everyone else gets to watch me not be able to do it... and it sucks. And I always hurt now from it. my legs haven't stopped hurting in three weeks.
9:54 PM I can't freaking figure out how to do this homework, My english class is kicking my ass too, i think I'm failing right now. And it's not because my teacher is bad, it's just because I can't figure it out. I read these passages and just stared at them blankly. we're readings stuff in class and I just stare at it. I can't figure out how to write what we're writing, and it just... I just can't figure out what I'm doing.
courtney: ):
9:55 PM I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what you're doing, and physical fitness sucks balls.
most physical classes do.
but I mean,
you're just having a rough time.
I'm here for you(:
and I know how you feel, because that was my entire sophmore year.
I failed so badly.
I failed pretty much every class.
9:56 PM me: I guess this is going to sound bad, but I'm... not used to failing.
9:58 PM And especially in my AP Englsh class, the one thing I was always good at but now am always shown how much I am not good, they're always talking about college and what amazing college they're going to, and al the awesome AP classes and Scores on these super hard tests, and I just... I have to probably take a year off t get any money at all to even go to college, and I am more than likely going to ACC because it's all I can afford, Among most people I feel good about myself, and among these people I'm the bottom of the heap, scraping the barrel. I feel like crap and I don't know what to do about it...
9:59 PM courtney: well, I know how you feel.
but I mean,
you can get past failing.
10:00 PM you can pass your classes.
sure
it's kind of hard
but you can do it.
you're a smart person(:
and pass,
just to show those people
how smart you are(:
prove 'em all wrong!
10:01 PM me: It's not just that though.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life! Everyone seems to have these awesome plans... And I just hate thinking about it because I just don't know.
10:02 PM I don't want school to end
I don't want me entire life as I know it to be over
I don't want to spend a year doing nothing when everyone is going on to college
I don't want to have to change everything again
I hate bug life changes
I hate being uprooted and not knowing where I stand or what I'm doing
10:03 PM I don't want to do this
but again
no choice
10:04 PM courtney: but you'll figure it out(:
chase your passion.
what do you LOVE?
what are you good at? (:
you can do something with that!
10:05 PM me: The only thing I really love is singing and helping my friends, but you can't rely on music as a career and psychiatry requires many years of expensive schooling
courtney: yeah I hear that |:
I wanna be a criminologist.
but since that's a branch of psychology and sociology I'm gonna have to go for a minimum of like 8 years.
10:06 PM me: And I don't even have enough money to go to dinner.
I don't know how to do this
I completely feel like I've failed at my whole life
10:07 PM every little kid had all these hopes and dreams of what they wanted to do, and I didn't... I just sang and lived. I don't remember most of my childhood life because I didn't do anything. i was homeschooled and sat in my room for most of my life
10:09 PM And even choir is making me feel completely inferior. I know I can sing, but apperantly everyone else can sing better. I couldn't even make one solo in three years of the mediocre groups, let alone in one of the better groups. I made Chamber Choir which is awesome, but I really don't feel like a part of the group, or of acapella. I don't really talk to anyone, i just sit off to the side and then sing my part. I'm working on it, but choir was the only highlight a lot of the time, but that combined with the fact that I can't really stand our new choir teacher means i's not as great....
10:10 PM I love to sing, so much, but I can't get through a line without being yelled at and told how much we have to improve to be good.
10:12 PM courtney: ):
maybe...you're just a late bloomer.
everyone got their dreams early
you'll find yours (:
I promise you will.
and you haven't failed life, because if you did, you'd be dead, but you're not, because I won't let you because I love you too much to let anything bad happen ):
and if you need the money, you're probs gonna need a job, and make moneys D:
10:13 PM me: But I don't have a car or any way to reliably get to a job.
Thank you though....
It really does help. <3
I really could just use a hug right now. 10:14 PM But my best friend lives 8 hours away, and the closest friend who i think would come see me lives in hutto
10:15 PM courtney: ):
I'm going to
come to your house
a weekend
and give you
the biggest and bestest hug
EVER.
with sprinkles.
me: Haha, <3
10:16 PM But Somehow I'm so freaking busy.
I don't get to relax again till november.
Scare has my out every weekend
:(
10:17 PM courtney: : (
THEN I SHALL VISIT YOU
IN NOVEMBER.
and give you the biggest and bestest hug with sprinkles.
10:18 PM me: Hahaha. <3
I don't wanna wait till november. :(
Maybe you come to scare one day and I kidnaps you home with me
courtney: <3
maybe:)
that could works.
but doesn't your dad not like
spending the night?
10:19 PM I mean I could probs ask to be picked up that very day but I dunno o:
me: But he let jim stay the whole weekend at brandon's and I haven't asked in ages... Maybe he'll let me. hug
courtney: hmm maybe(:
<3
we'll have to see.
just be like
10:20 PM "dude. who wouldn't want god to grace our presence for a night?"
me: Haha. ^_^;;
That's another big issue, I am getting so seriously fed up with my family. They are driving me completely insane.
I cna't wait to be out of here, but I don't want to leave.
10:21 PM courtney: why don't you wanna leave?
I wanna leave so badly.
10:24 PM me: I just don't want to like... leave my house and everything that's happened here. I'm worried about living alone, I need a roommate, but I don't know who to ask because I get really fed up with a lot of my friends after a while. I couldn't live with shea, we couldn't do a week at her house, let alone living together. we both get too high strung. I was going to go with Montanna, we'd both talked about it when she was going to leave mike, but I seriously doubt that's happening, they seem to have reconciled at least not enough for her to leave him... Sam is going to live in Dallas to go to med school, and that's too far for me to move... I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone. :(
10:25 PM I feel alone a lot
even though I know I'm not
10:26 PM courtney: ):
see
I could handle being alone
I've been alone my entire life
but you can find someone I promise(: <3
10:28 PM me: there's also the issue where I've completely failed in the relationship department... I don't know what I did, but somehow I'm the girl who's one of the guys and doesn't ever date and no one is interested in, People keep making reasons why, but there are always reasons and excuses I don't know.... I must've done something wrong, but I don't know what, and I think it's too late to fix it.
10:29 PM courtney: never too late(:
I've always been that ugly chick.
but I mean.
10:30 PM I've changed I think.
I mean, I'm still not liked
but it's alright I sppose
*suppose
10:32 PM me: But you're not ugly! You're adorable. And at least you have been though, I mean... I don't even mean people don't always like me, as far as I know no one has ever liked me, and if they have they never did enough to say something to me about it. No one. Ever. I feel like there's something wrong with that. I like people, it happens, but nobody ever likes me back. Often they like my friends instead, which is the suck...
I dunno, I guess I really do feel like I'm just not good enough......
10:33 PM I don't even know for what, but i can't think of anything I've accomplished, anything I've really dont...
*done
I don't DO anythin...
courtney: but you are(:
trust me dear, my life has been liking people and them never liking me pack.
hell, I've even been played, pretty much.
then go out and have your own adventures(:
be yourself.
10:34 PM people should like you for YOU and not like you for someone you're not(:
10:37 PM me: I know that last part, I do... But i guess I feel like there's too much ME and no one wants to look far enough to learn that much about me. :( And hell... This is going to sounds really bad but I don't mean it to be, At least someone liked you enough to try to play you. The most interest anyone's ever shown in me was he agreed to go on one date with me because montanna told him he had to go, because he told her brother I was cool, and she'd been trying to hook me up. That, and our awesome but slightly pervy friend who loves to jokingly hold people's hands and make jokes about stuff, but is completely uninterested for real, and has told me that I am one of the guys.. =/
10:38 PM courtney: man.
I used to be one of the guys.
like
so hardcore
in like elementary school.
but I mean
you can grow out of it.
I'm not really "one of the guys"
10:39 PM but I'm not "one of the girls" either.
I'm kind of my own person.
but I dunno broski.
you'll find someone I promise(:
10:41 PM but y'know,
you have been liked.
sam liked you.
but I mean, you don't...roll that way.
but I mean, you can be liked.
(:
10:42 PM me: I honestly think sometimes that being homeschooled may've fucked part of me up. I was made to be very social and have people around me, and I sat in my room for a long time. I didn't do anything, I had very few friends. I've always said that I grew up too fast, I wasn't really a kid for that long, but... I think part of me grew up really slow. So the part of me that started liking boys didn't show up at all until a while ago, and by then I'd already messed something up.... I dunno... >>
10:44 PM and yeah, she says so, but I really think (and with my logical mind not my reactionary mind) that she really just knew I would always be there for her, she wanted someone she could always trust, in essence she wants someone like me. but... I don't think she likes me so much, just the fact that I never left her, when everyone else did. She only liked me after she's been broken a million times... I mean, I just think it was a reaction,i if that makes any sense
courtney: ):
well.
I don't see why people couldn't like you
you're absolutely adorable and amazing.
10:45 PM and if people can't see that they deserve to be spited.
me: And isn't it a little sad that the only person who's ever liked me is my female best friend? Just a little?
courtney: I grew up too fast, too, that's most likely why I'm so childish.
not really?
my friend kathryn liked/likes me a lot, I don't know if she still does.
I haven't been liked by a lot of people, I don't think.
10:46 PM that was in middle school where people just follow the leader.
me: but you didn't grow up with her calling eachother sisters. >.>
Yeah........
I dunno... <,<
courtney: no, but we are that close kind of.
I dunno brotato, but you'll find someone I promise<3
we both will.
just gotta wait for that one person that can handle you at your worst:)
so far there's only been...
three people that have done that.
but one's 23,
10:47 PM the other was afraid of being a "pedo"
and the other played me.
me: :)
that's sad.....
courtney: bahaha
yeah.
kind of.
(Skip some irrelevant rambling convo here)
courtney: I mean
(So yeah... there's that. I'm going to sleep this off now and hope I have enough Energy to wake up tomorrow. :C )
courtney: (:how're you dahling?
me: >:(
9:41 PM I'm grumpy tired and frustrated. ><
9:42 PM Stupid homework I don't get that I can't turn in late, Stupid people making me feel bad for telling them I didn't approve of an idea, stupid weak-ness that means everytime i do any exercise all my muscles hurt
:(
courtney: ):
wanna talk about any of it?
9:45 PM me: Ugh... I dunno, I'm just frustrated and PMSing on top of it. I feel like I'm gonna cry......
Over nothing
courtney: ooh..):
well.
I'm here for yah, babe : )
me: :,)
9:46 PM I just don't wanna deal with any of this shit right now, I had a really long weekend and would very much like to sleep, but that's the one thing I don't get to do. >.>
courtney: aw ):
that's so sad.
I'm so sorry ):
9:47 PM me: Yeah... I hate this, it happens every couple of months. It'll alternate that my PMS is barely noticeable, to the next month it's a total bitch and I'm crying over everything and picking fights I don't mean to pick, and i hurt, and I'm always tired, and it just sucks........
9:48 PM I'm also just getting completely frustrated with being unable to do anything...
In a lot of different ways
9:50 PM I can't leave the house without begging someone else to take me or walking in the 90 degree weather, And I always feel bad making people go out of their way to get me for things...
9:52 PM I'm in personal fitness again because my credit didn't count before due to starting late, and it's completely kicking my ass and I get to completely fail at everything we do beause I just can't do it, and she gives me these awful looks because she thiniks I'm just giving up, but I really can't do it, and everyone else gets to watch me not be able to do it... and it sucks. And I always hurt now from it. my legs haven't stopped hurting in three weeks.
9:54 PM I can't freaking figure out how to do this homework, My english class is kicking my ass too, i think I'm failing right now. And it's not because my teacher is bad, it's just because I can't figure it out. I read these passages and just stared at them blankly. we're readings stuff in class and I just stare at it. I can't figure out how to write what we're writing, and it just... I just can't figure out what I'm doing.
courtney: ):
9:55 PM I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what you're doing, and physical fitness sucks balls.
most physical classes do.
but I mean,
you're just having a rough time.
I'm here for you(:
and I know how you feel, because that was my entire sophmore year.
I failed so badly.
I failed pretty much every class.
9:56 PM me: I guess this is going to sound bad, but I'm... not used to failing.
9:58 PM And especially in my AP Englsh class, the one thing I was always good at but now am always shown how much I am not good, they're always talking about college and what amazing college they're going to, and al the awesome AP classes and Scores on these super hard tests, and I just... I have to probably take a year off t get any money at all to even go to college, and I am more than likely going to ACC because it's all I can afford, Among most people I feel good about myself, and among these people I'm the bottom of the heap, scraping the barrel. I feel like crap and I don't know what to do about it...
9:59 PM courtney: well, I know how you feel.
but I mean,
you can get past failing.
10:00 PM you can pass your classes.
sure
it's kind of hard
but you can do it.
you're a smart person(:
and pass,
just to show those people
how smart you are(:
prove 'em all wrong!
10:01 PM me: It's not just that though.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life! Everyone seems to have these awesome plans... And I just hate thinking about it because I just don't know.
10:02 PM I don't want school to end
I don't want me entire life as I know it to be over
I don't want to spend a year doing nothing when everyone is going on to college
I don't want to have to change everything again
I hate bug life changes
I hate being uprooted and not knowing where I stand or what I'm doing
10:03 PM I don't want to do this
but again
no choice
10:04 PM courtney: but you'll figure it out(:
chase your passion.
what do you LOVE?
what are you good at? (:
you can do something with that!
10:05 PM me: The only thing I really love is singing and helping my friends, but you can't rely on music as a career and psychiatry requires many years of expensive schooling
courtney: yeah I hear that |:
I wanna be a criminologist.
but since that's a branch of psychology and sociology I'm gonna have to go for a minimum of like 8 years.
10:06 PM me: And I don't even have enough money to go to dinner.
I don't know how to do this
I completely feel like I've failed at my whole life
10:07 PM every little kid had all these hopes and dreams of what they wanted to do, and I didn't... I just sang and lived. I don't remember most of my childhood life because I didn't do anything. i was homeschooled and sat in my room for most of my life
10:09 PM And even choir is making me feel completely inferior. I know I can sing, but apperantly everyone else can sing better. I couldn't even make one solo in three years of the mediocre groups, let alone in one of the better groups. I made Chamber Choir which is awesome, but I really don't feel like a part of the group, or of acapella. I don't really talk to anyone, i just sit off to the side and then sing my part. I'm working on it, but choir was the only highlight a lot of the time, but that combined with the fact that I can't really stand our new choir teacher means i's not as great....
10:10 PM I love to sing, so much, but I can't get through a line without being yelled at and told how much we have to improve to be good.
10:12 PM courtney: ):
maybe...you're just a late bloomer.
everyone got their dreams early
you'll find yours (:
I promise you will.
and you haven't failed life, because if you did, you'd be dead, but you're not, because I won't let you because I love you too much to let anything bad happen ):
and if you need the money, you're probs gonna need a job, and make moneys D:
10:13 PM me: But I don't have a car or any way to reliably get to a job.
Thank you though....
It really does help. <3
I really could just use a hug right now. 10:14 PM But my best friend lives 8 hours away, and the closest friend who i think would come see me lives in hutto
10:15 PM courtney: ):
I'm going to
come to your house
a weekend
and give you
the biggest and bestest hug
EVER.
with sprinkles.
me: Haha, <3
10:16 PM But Somehow I'm so freaking busy.
I don't get to relax again till november.
Scare has my out every weekend
:(
10:17 PM courtney: : (
THEN I SHALL VISIT YOU
IN NOVEMBER.
and give you the biggest and bestest hug with sprinkles.
10:18 PM me: Hahaha. <3
I don't wanna wait till november. :(
Maybe you come to scare one day and I kidnaps you home with me
courtney: <3
maybe:)
that could works.
but doesn't your dad not like
spending the night?
10:19 PM I mean I could probs ask to be picked up that very day but I dunno o:
me: But he let jim stay the whole weekend at brandon's and I haven't asked in ages... Maybe he'll let me. hug
courtney: hmm maybe(:
<3
we'll have to see.
just be like
10:20 PM "dude. who wouldn't want god to grace our presence for a night?"
me: Haha. ^_^;;
That's another big issue, I am getting so seriously fed up with my family. They are driving me completely insane.
I cna't wait to be out of here, but I don't want to leave.
10:21 PM courtney: why don't you wanna leave?
I wanna leave so badly.
10:24 PM me: I just don't want to like... leave my house and everything that's happened here. I'm worried about living alone, I need a roommate, but I don't know who to ask because I get really fed up with a lot of my friends after a while. I couldn't live with shea, we couldn't do a week at her house, let alone living together. we both get too high strung. I was going to go with Montanna, we'd both talked about it when she was going to leave mike, but I seriously doubt that's happening, they seem to have reconciled at least not enough for her to leave him... Sam is going to live in Dallas to go to med school, and that's too far for me to move... I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone. :(
10:25 PM I feel alone a lot
even though I know I'm not
10:26 PM courtney: ):
see
I could handle being alone
I've been alone my entire life
but you can find someone I promise(: <3
10:28 PM me: there's also the issue where I've completely failed in the relationship department... I don't know what I did, but somehow I'm the girl who's one of the guys and doesn't ever date and no one is interested in, People keep making reasons why, but there are always reasons and excuses I don't know.... I must've done something wrong, but I don't know what, and I think it's too late to fix it.
10:29 PM courtney: never too late(:
I've always been that ugly chick.
but I mean.
10:30 PM I've changed I think.
I mean, I'm still not liked
but it's alright I sppose
*suppose
10:32 PM me: But you're not ugly! You're adorable. And at least you have been though, I mean... I don't even mean people don't always like me, as far as I know no one has ever liked me, and if they have they never did enough to say something to me about it. No one. Ever. I feel like there's something wrong with that. I like people, it happens, but nobody ever likes me back. Often they like my friends instead, which is the suck...
I dunno, I guess I really do feel like I'm just not good enough......
10:33 PM I don't even know for what, but i can't think of anything I've accomplished, anything I've really dont...
*done
I don't DO anythin...
courtney: but you are(:
trust me dear, my life has been liking people and them never liking me pack.
hell, I've even been played, pretty much.
then go out and have your own adventures(:
be yourself.
10:34 PM people should like you for YOU and not like you for someone you're not(:
10:37 PM me: I know that last part, I do... But i guess I feel like there's too much ME and no one wants to look far enough to learn that much about me. :( And hell... This is going to sounds really bad but I don't mean it to be, At least someone liked you enough to try to play you. The most interest anyone's ever shown in me was he agreed to go on one date with me because montanna told him he had to go, because he told her brother I was cool, and she'd been trying to hook me up. That, and our awesome but slightly pervy friend who loves to jokingly hold people's hands and make jokes about stuff, but is completely uninterested for real, and has told me that I am one of the guys.. =/
10:38 PM courtney: man.
I used to be one of the guys.
like
so hardcore
in like elementary school.
but I mean
you can grow out of it.
I'm not really "one of the guys"
10:39 PM but I'm not "one of the girls" either.
I'm kind of my own person.
but I dunno broski.
you'll find someone I promise(:
10:41 PM but y'know,
you have been liked.
sam liked you.
but I mean, you don't...roll that way.
but I mean, you can be liked.
(:
10:42 PM me: I honestly think sometimes that being homeschooled may've fucked part of me up. I was made to be very social and have people around me, and I sat in my room for a long time. I didn't do anything, I had very few friends. I've always said that I grew up too fast, I wasn't really a kid for that long, but... I think part of me grew up really slow. So the part of me that started liking boys didn't show up at all until a while ago, and by then I'd already messed something up.... I dunno... >>
10:44 PM and yeah, she says so, but I really think (and with my logical mind not my reactionary mind) that she really just knew I would always be there for her, she wanted someone she could always trust, in essence she wants someone like me. but... I don't think she likes me so much, just the fact that I never left her, when everyone else did. She only liked me after she's been broken a million times... I mean, I just think it was a reaction,i if that makes any sense
courtney: ):
well.
I don't see why people couldn't like you
you're absolutely adorable and amazing.
10:45 PM and if people can't see that they deserve to be spited.
me: And isn't it a little sad that the only person who's ever liked me is my female best friend? Just a little?
courtney: I grew up too fast, too, that's most likely why I'm so childish.
not really?
my friend kathryn liked/likes me a lot, I don't know if she still does.
I haven't been liked by a lot of people, I don't think.
10:46 PM that was in middle school where people just follow the leader.
me: but you didn't grow up with her calling eachother sisters. >.>
Yeah........
I dunno... <,<
courtney: no, but we are that close kind of.
I dunno brotato, but you'll find someone I promise<3
we both will.
just gotta wait for that one person that can handle you at your worst:)
so far there's only been...
three people that have done that.
but one's 23,
10:47 PM the other was afraid of being a "pedo"
and the other played me.
me: :)
that's sad.....
courtney: bahaha
yeah.
kind of.
(Skip some irrelevant rambling convo here)
courtney: I mean
I guess I'm kind of...
pretty ish?
I have a decent personallity
but I don't know why people legitimately like me.
me: I kinda feel the same. 
courtney: mhm.
me: ><
Ugh
well
at least I've stopped like... Completely freaking out and crying now. >.>
courtney: ):
I'm here for you<3
me: thanks... i think my friends get tired of it sometimes. >.>
thanks... i think my friends get tired of it sometimes. >.> courtney: naaah
(:
me: Well, just cuz you don't doesn't mean the rest don't. >.> I feel like most of us are just growing apart, I hardly see anyone anymore. >.>
Well, just cuz you don't doesn't mean the rest don't. >.> I feel like most of us are just growing apart, I hardly see anyone anymore. >.> courtney: aw... ):
yeah doesn't that feeling suck?
me: Yeah... a lot. considering I give up so much of my life to help them and shit, and they don't even care enough to try to stay friends
courtney: ):
hun you gotta take care of yourself sometimes.
me: I don't know how.....
courtney: ):
you'l llearn(:
if I can do it, you can too!
Sent at 11:03 PM on Monday
me: I suppose... I spent so much time helping others because it made me feel good to help, and it helped them, that I never learned how to take care of myself...
I spent so much time helping others because it made me feel good to help, and it helped them, that I never learned how to take care of myself... courtney: ...
man
we're so alike it's scary.
me: that... Doesn't make me as happy as it should. I don't like that anyone else has to feel what am. >.>
(So yeah... there's that. I'm going to sleep this off now and hope I have enough Energy to wake up tomorrow. :C )
Friday, September 24, 2010
Homecoming, or HOEcoming?-Brianna
so tonight was homecoming
game was won EASILY
but it was boring.
so i just hung out with my friends.
it was cool cause i saw a lot of my old friends
like from decker,and even 6th grade !
but i dont know if tonight was an amazing night...
or a bad one
this guy who had been bugging me fer a kiss all week....
finally got it.
then he started getting reaalllyy touchy
so i left.
then i ran into my ex boyfriend.
youll never guess which one...
Jesus.
it was amazing seeing him again
and it was fun like we brought up old jokes and everything
then..
we started holding hands.
and getting closer.
then he kissed my check
then we got close nd closer
nd..
basically, we were acting like we were going out.
it was funny cause my friend Dylan asked if we were dating,
i said no
she said
Girl if you dont i will
then...
Aarons mom took me, sean, jacob and of course, Aaron home.
i cant finish the rest...
but my point is i made out with three guys in a matter of less than 5 hours !!
prob like 3-4 :/
like i feel reaallllyy stupid about it :/
lexi asked me what was going through my mind..
i replied "Honestly? 'i need to get over him'"
:/
i guess over all it was just a great HOEcoming night...
game was won EASILY
but it was boring.
so i just hung out with my friends.
it was cool cause i saw a lot of my old friends
like from decker,and even 6th grade !
but i dont know if tonight was an amazing night...
or a bad one
this guy who had been bugging me fer a kiss all week....
finally got it.
then he started getting reaalllyy touchy
so i left.
then i ran into my ex boyfriend.
youll never guess which one...
Jesus.
it was amazing seeing him again
and it was fun like we brought up old jokes and everything
then..
we started holding hands.
and getting closer.
then he kissed my check
then we got close nd closer
nd..
basically, we were acting like we were going out.
it was funny cause my friend Dylan asked if we were dating,
i said no
she said
Girl if you dont i will
then...
Aarons mom took me, sean, jacob and of course, Aaron home.
i cant finish the rest...
but my point is i made out with three guys in a matter of less than 5 hours !!
prob like 3-4 :/
like i feel reaallllyy stupid about it :/
lexi asked me what was going through my mind..
i replied "Honestly? 'i need to get over him'"
:/
i guess over all it was just a great HOEcoming night...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Geometry- Brianna
what is with that class?
theres something about it
and i dont like it.
so first he tries to kiss me in that class
and today,
Martin called me Babe in that class
i think it was an accident
but still..
like i dunno..
in a way it was weird to hear it,
but on the other hand,
it felt good to hear it.
:/
im in this middle stage of
"over him" and "i still love him"
like i keep telling myself and everyone else
that im over him,
but when i think everything over
and everything weve been through
i start smiling.
and like when i read over some of the messages i still have from him
i smile and i still blush
cause even though they mean nothing now,
they did at one point.
they meant a shitload at one point.
but like i mean at least now i know that
we are just friends and i know thats all were ever gonna be
so now its just a matter of getting over him.
which is much much MUCH easier said than done.
Like.. its weird..
when i see his status' that are like
" yer amazing you make me happy"
i think about like he used to tell em that
nd now hes over there telling another girl
and it sucks but
i mean it makes it easier fer me to move on when i know
he already did..
so someday when i stop loving you,
ill look back and think about these days
where i would hate myself
for loving you.
"I'll move on baby, just like you
When the desert floods and the grass turns blue
When a sailing ship don't need her moon
It'll break my heart, but I'll get through
Someday when I stop loving you"
theres something about it
and i dont like it.
so first he tries to kiss me in that class
and today,
Martin called me Babe in that class
i think it was an accident
but still..
like i dunno..
in a way it was weird to hear it,
but on the other hand,
it felt good to hear it.
:/
im in this middle stage of
"over him" and "i still love him"
like i keep telling myself and everyone else
that im over him,
but when i think everything over
and everything weve been through
i start smiling.
and like when i read over some of the messages i still have from him
i smile and i still blush
cause even though they mean nothing now,
they did at one point.
they meant a shitload at one point.
but like i mean at least now i know that
we are just friends and i know thats all were ever gonna be
so now its just a matter of getting over him.
which is much much MUCH easier said than done.
Like.. its weird..
when i see his status' that are like
" yer amazing you make me happy"
i think about like he used to tell em that
nd now hes over there telling another girl
and it sucks but
i mean it makes it easier fer me to move on when i know
he already did..
so someday when i stop loving you,
ill look back and think about these days
where i would hate myself
for loving you.
"I'll move on baby, just like you
When the desert floods and the grass turns blue
When a sailing ship don't need her moon
It'll break my heart, but I'll get through
Someday when I stop loving you"
Monday, September 20, 2010
Operation Beautiful - Lauren
So I was reading SixBillionSecrets, and someone linked to this website. Naturally curious, I followed the link and read up, watched the videos, looked at all the pictures, and was thouroughly disgusted by the things we as a society do to ourselves every day. We aspire to be so skinny we're sick and unable to bear children. We starve ourselves or make ourselves throw up because we're just too fat. We greet eachother, even in what was meant to be positive ways that reinforce the skinny standard. Betcha you never thought 'You look great! Have you lost weight?' would be bad. Well it infers you only look great because you're skinny.
Then there was the other part. While a portion of me was disgusted, the rest of me was inspired. so many people are trying their hardest to stop this. Operation Beautiful is simple. Write a note and leave it in a public place where someone can see it stating something positive (the best and most common example being simply 'you are Beautiful'. It can really help brighten someones day, from a simple smile while they wash their hands, to stopping someone from throwing up, to being that one thing someone needed to hear most in that moment. There is no downside. Three seconds and a post-it note and you can make someones day better. If you want include the link in the note so people can be as inspired as me. You can bet your ass there will be notes in all the bathrooms I can get to tomorrow.
You are beautiful!
<3
www.OperationBeautiful.com
Then there was the other part. While a portion of me was disgusted, the rest of me was inspired. so many people are trying their hardest to stop this. Operation Beautiful is simple. Write a note and leave it in a public place where someone can see it stating something positive (the best and most common example being simply 'you are Beautiful'. It can really help brighten someones day, from a simple smile while they wash their hands, to stopping someone from throwing up, to being that one thing someone needed to hear most in that moment. There is no downside. Three seconds and a post-it note and you can make someones day better. If you want include the link in the note so people can be as inspired as me. You can bet your ass there will be notes in all the bathrooms I can get to tomorrow.
You are beautiful!
<3
www.OperationBeautiful.com
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Stronger-Brianna
So in a break up,
theres 4 stages
Sadness
Anger
Desperation
and finally,
Moving on.
right now,
i hate admitting this,
i am in the desperation stage :/
like its not that i want a boyfriend
i just kinda miss having one.
and i mean i feel like i definitely am done with martin
like if he were to ask me out i wouldnt say no
but i wouldnt say yes
which is a big step fer me.
so its not so much martin that i miss
its just
like the feelings i had?
idk
like jason almost asked me out
but i told him i didnt like him
so he didnt
butt i thought about saying yes
and like this is how i explained it to Melissa and Isaac
"i want a guy to make me happy"
Melissa: why cant two friends do that?
Me: cause you cant make out with yer best friends.
so now do you get how i feel ?
:/
this guy ive known fer a while and i were talking on facebook
and he asked me fer a kiss on Monday
but just cause im single doesnt mean im gonna go make out with every guy
i have rules and regulations.
And VERY high standards
and from now on,
im not dating anyone unless they meet every single one of them,
and i know i probably sound like a bitch
but i dont care,
im not gonna let my heart get broken just like that again.
nd if it means acting like a bitch,
so be it.
All it means is that im guarding my heart,
and getting
Stronger
theres 4 stages
Sadness
Anger
Desperation
and finally,
Moving on.
right now,
i hate admitting this,
i am in the desperation stage :/
like its not that i want a boyfriend
i just kinda miss having one.
and i mean i feel like i definitely am done with martin
like if he were to ask me out i wouldnt say no
but i wouldnt say yes
which is a big step fer me.
so its not so much martin that i miss
its just
like the feelings i had?
idk
like jason almost asked me out
but i told him i didnt like him
so he didnt
butt i thought about saying yes
and like this is how i explained it to Melissa and Isaac
"i want a guy to make me happy"
Melissa: why cant two friends do that?
Me: cause you cant make out with yer best friends.
so now do you get how i feel ?
:/
this guy ive known fer a while and i were talking on facebook
and he asked me fer a kiss on Monday
but just cause im single doesnt mean im gonna go make out with every guy
i have rules and regulations.
And VERY high standards
and from now on,
im not dating anyone unless they meet every single one of them,
and i know i probably sound like a bitch
but i dont care,
im not gonna let my heart get broken just like that again.
nd if it means acting like a bitch,
so be it.
All it means is that im guarding my heart,
and getting
Stronger
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Nothing at all - Lauren
I love how during the school year, it seems like everything happens, than kindof simultaneously nothing worth posting about happens at all. XD
I've had quite a busy weekend, I went right after school yesterday to go get Dylan from her house so we could be ready when my dad got home to leave for the SCARE for a CURE benefit concert, where we drove around for an hour on the wrong side of the highway trying to find the freakin place, to almost be not let in. Me and Dylan had no form of ID, so they were -thiiis- close to just denying us entry, Leanna threw a fit, she was so angry, Jarrett was trying to appease both sides (to little effect) and eventually some other guys came up and said we could go in as long as we were marked and he showed us to the bartenders so they knew not to sell us anything. >< Not like we would. D8 But yeah. XD After we got in an hour late Dylan and I got the fun job of watching the free food table (and the tip jar residing on it) and re-organizing the pizza. XD It was a pretty fun night, We took a lot of silly pictures, Dylan and I got attacked by the Zombie Invasion, I got attacked by Jim and Rowan, and I now have some blood on my Scare shirt. lol. It was a pretty cool night, but the crowd was sad, and I couldn't distinguish anything but loud from the bands that played except for Fulton Read, which wasn't bad. P= they had all the zombies come up and preform with them on stage after their third song. =3
Then today Dylan, Dad and I (she spent the night) ran a bunch of errands, Now I'm baking for Montanna's birthday party tomorrow and the Scare Auditions we're going to right after that. =) Crazy busy.
In other news, My best friend Sam has contacted me of her own accord twice in that many days, so I'm happy. =D She texted me earlier just to say she loves me, and when I told her I loved her too and was sorry for passing out last night, she said "It's fine Hun. Just wanted to make sure someone told you they loved you today. ^^"
<333 I love my best friend so much. :,D
I've had quite a busy weekend, I went right after school yesterday to go get Dylan from her house so we could be ready when my dad got home to leave for the SCARE for a CURE benefit concert, where we drove around for an hour on the wrong side of the highway trying to find the freakin place, to almost be not let in. Me and Dylan had no form of ID, so they were -thiiis- close to just denying us entry, Leanna threw a fit, she was so angry, Jarrett was trying to appease both sides (to little effect) and eventually some other guys came up and said we could go in as long as we were marked and he showed us to the bartenders so they knew not to sell us anything. >< Not like we would. D8 But yeah. XD After we got in an hour late Dylan and I got the fun job of watching the free food table (and the tip jar residing on it) and re-organizing the pizza. XD It was a pretty fun night, We took a lot of silly pictures, Dylan and I got attacked by the Zombie Invasion, I got attacked by Jim and Rowan, and I now have some blood on my Scare shirt. lol. It was a pretty cool night, but the crowd was sad, and I couldn't distinguish anything but loud from the bands that played except for Fulton Read, which wasn't bad. P= they had all the zombies come up and preform with them on stage after their third song. =3
Then today Dylan, Dad and I (she spent the night) ran a bunch of errands, Now I'm baking for Montanna's birthday party tomorrow and the Scare Auditions we're going to right after that. =) Crazy busy.
In other news, My best friend Sam has contacted me of her own accord twice in that many days, so I'm happy. =D She texted me earlier just to say she loves me, and when I told her I loved her too and was sorry for passing out last night, she said "It's fine Hun. Just wanted to make sure someone told you they loved you today. ^^"
<333 I love my best friend so much. :,D
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Soooo- Brianna
I talked to Malenie today
like fer the firs ttime since like the 1st week of school
but i dont mean
"hey how do you like school?"
i mean like
"hey so whats going on with us?"
it was really short cause we didnt really have anything to talk about
because really, nothing happened with us
and i mean what happened between her and martin,
is their business
not mine.
i just thought id talk to her about certain things.
but like after that talk we were like close
like as if weve been hanging out the whole school year
when it was only a day
shes really really cool
like i didnt expect her to be this cool
and i thought itd be weird between us
but honestly,
its just something that like all day we joked about
likei mean not what happened
but like how some how,
all this shit got us closer.
usually it tears people apart,
but..
i dunt know.
but yeah shes really cool nd im glad im getting to know her(:
like i said, this year is different fer me already,
so i mean all im gonna do is take it step by step,
day by day
go with the flow,
whatever you wanna say.
just gonna let things fall into place fer me,
if i see that theyre going in the wrong direction.
then ill do something about it
but fer now all i can say is
I Love High School(:
plus im actually getting guys today ;)
in fact 2nd period i felt like i was getting raped :/
stupid seth and paco..
i dont know.,
like its weird.
8th grade i thought i was happy
but i really wasnt
like yeah i had boyfriends and good grades and cool friends
but i just wasnt happy
at new tech,
even the days when im crying and feeling sick
and bloating and cramping and on my perioddd,
my days havent turned out bad so far
so this year my lifes turning around in a good way
and i lvoe it(:
i can finally Say:
Im Happy
\ive had boyfriends, ive gotten new friends, i have good grades,
like i mean in high school thats all that matters, and i have it all (:
oky so back to how awesoem my new best friend is :P haha
like my mom said i can invite one friend to Hutto
i thought about nilsa but shes doing her party
and i dun wanna invite lexi or mileena or fah
cause theyre going to her party
*i think**
soo i was thinking of inviting Malenie but
i dunt know like it seems to soon
if that maes sence.
haha
like with a boyfriend you dont go out on a dtae a week after you get together
with friends they dont hang out til like at elast a week
but i mean idkk were getting like kinda close quickly
so we'll see how the week goes
and just take it from there(:
like fer the firs ttime since like the 1st week of school
but i dont mean
"hey how do you like school?"
i mean like
"hey so whats going on with us?"
it was really short cause we didnt really have anything to talk about
because really, nothing happened with us
and i mean what happened between her and martin,
is their business
not mine.
i just thought id talk to her about certain things.
but like after that talk we were like close
like as if weve been hanging out the whole school year
when it was only a day
shes really really cool
like i didnt expect her to be this cool
and i thought itd be weird between us
but honestly,
its just something that like all day we joked about
likei mean not what happened
but like how some how,
all this shit got us closer.
usually it tears people apart,
but..
i dunt know.
but yeah shes really cool nd im glad im getting to know her(:
like i said, this year is different fer me already,
so i mean all im gonna do is take it step by step,
day by day
go with the flow,
whatever you wanna say.
just gonna let things fall into place fer me,
if i see that theyre going in the wrong direction.
then ill do something about it
but fer now all i can say is
I Love High School(:
plus im actually getting guys today ;)
in fact 2nd period i felt like i was getting raped :/
stupid seth and paco..
i dont know.,
like its weird.
8th grade i thought i was happy
but i really wasnt
like yeah i had boyfriends and good grades and cool friends
but i just wasnt happy
at new tech,
even the days when im crying and feeling sick
and bloating and cramping and on my perioddd,
my days havent turned out bad so far
so this year my lifes turning around in a good way
and i lvoe it(:
i can finally Say:
Im Happy
\ive had boyfriends, ive gotten new friends, i have good grades,
like i mean in high school thats all that matters, and i have it all (:
oky so back to how awesoem my new best friend is :P haha
like my mom said i can invite one friend to Hutto
i thought about nilsa but shes doing her party
and i dun wanna invite lexi or mileena or fah
cause theyre going to her party
*i think**
soo i was thinking of inviting Malenie but
i dunt know like it seems to soon
if that maes sence.
haha
like with a boyfriend you dont go out on a dtae a week after you get together
with friends they dont hang out til like at elast a week
but i mean idkk were getting like kinda close quickly
so we'll see how the week goes
and just take it from there(:
Monday, September 13, 2010
Ho Shizz... - Lauren
Lyn and Ashley nearly beat the shit out of eachother today.
WE were all hanging out in the hallway like normal, and all of a sudden we hear the two of them screaming at eachother, Lyn kept calling Ashley (my brother's girlfriend) a Cunt, and Ashley was being a bit more creative, but Lyn always just came back with the same thing.
But... It was really frikking funny. Lyn... Everyone's like, afraid of her, but when they finally came to blows, She flailed at Ashley and bruised her a little bit on the bridge of her nose, and Ashley actually threw punches and Split her lip. ^_^;; I just love how much of a wimp Lyn actually is, and how BA Ashley actually is. XD It's pretty-much awesome. =D
SO yeah, there's that for you. :O
On another note completely, I always thought I'd never want to move out of my house ever, but I'm getting real sick of the testosterone that seeps from every molecule of this house. People think girls are moody. HA! My brother's an emo, my uncle's a hermit, and I recently witnessed my 44 year old dad throw a temper tantrum of sorts this weekend. I would like a little less MALE invading every waking moment of my home life. O.o And slightly more Male in the romance department would be awesome. ><
On another entirely different note, I can't wait for SCARE This year! =D So many friends from completely different groups coming together should be interesting. I've known rowan upwards of 6 years or so, I've only known Montanna about a year though it feels like forever and we're super awesome, I've known Nilsa two years and we're LEGIT as Ben would say. This should be fun. XD
WE were all hanging out in the hallway like normal, and all of a sudden we hear the two of them screaming at eachother, Lyn kept calling Ashley (my brother's girlfriend) a Cunt, and Ashley was being a bit more creative, but Lyn always just came back with the same thing.
But... It was really frikking funny. Lyn... Everyone's like, afraid of her, but when they finally came to blows, She flailed at Ashley and bruised her a little bit on the bridge of her nose, and Ashley actually threw punches and Split her lip. ^_^;; I just love how much of a wimp Lyn actually is, and how BA Ashley actually is. XD It's pretty-much awesome. =D
SO yeah, there's that for you. :O
On another note completely, I always thought I'd never want to move out of my house ever, but I'm getting real sick of the testosterone that seeps from every molecule of this house. People think girls are moody. HA! My brother's an emo, my uncle's a hermit, and I recently witnessed my 44 year old dad throw a temper tantrum of sorts this weekend. I would like a little less MALE invading every waking moment of my home life. O.o And slightly more Male in the romance department would be awesome. ><
On another entirely different note, I can't wait for SCARE This year! =D So many friends from completely different groups coming together should be interesting. I've known rowan upwards of 6 years or so, I've only known Montanna about a year though it feels like forever and we're super awesome, I've known Nilsa two years and we're LEGIT as Ben would say. This should be fun. XD
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday- Brianna
Geometry class.
i have one regret.
i just dont know what it is.
do i regret kissing his cheek and letting him kiss mine?
or do i regret pushing him away?
Martin tired to make out.. or kiss me
in geo yesterday
i dont think he knows how hard it was fer me not to do it.
the feeling i had in my chest was crazy
and still even now when i think about how it happened
and how we were so close to doing it,
i get the same exact feeling :/
i hate it.
and his excuse was
" why not im single"
yeah thats why not.
because youre single im not gonna kiss you.
if youre not my boyfriend,
your lips shouldnt touch mine.
like why cant he just stop messing with my heart and ask out Malenie already?
i mean thats obviously what he wants.
and if it isnt?
tough.
he basically told me striaght up
that we just dont work out together.
so if thats true, why is he trying to kiss me as soon as the teacher walks out?
:/
its so hard for me to deny him.
i want him back but its not gonna happen
so a lot of the flirting,
all of the touching,
and especially all of the kissing
has to stop.
ughhhh
i guess im just...
Hopelessly Devoted To You.
"
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you;
My head is saying "fool, forget him", my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you"
i have one regret.
i just dont know what it is.
do i regret kissing his cheek and letting him kiss mine?
or do i regret pushing him away?
Martin tired to make out.. or kiss me
in geo yesterday
i dont think he knows how hard it was fer me not to do it.
the feeling i had in my chest was crazy
and still even now when i think about how it happened
and how we were so close to doing it,
i get the same exact feeling :/
i hate it.
and his excuse was
" why not im single"
yeah thats why not.
because youre single im not gonna kiss you.
if youre not my boyfriend,
your lips shouldnt touch mine.
like why cant he just stop messing with my heart and ask out Malenie already?
i mean thats obviously what he wants.
and if it isnt?
tough.
he basically told me striaght up
that we just dont work out together.
so if thats true, why is he trying to kiss me as soon as the teacher walks out?
:/
its so hard for me to deny him.
i want him back but its not gonna happen
so a lot of the flirting,
all of the touching,
and especially all of the kissing
has to stop.
ughhhh
i guess im just...
Hopelessly Devoted To You.
"
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you;
My head is saying "fool, forget him", my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you"
Friday, September 10, 2010
today- Brianna
todays out first away game !!
im so exciedlike i know were gonna kick some hard core ass
(:
i just know it.
its like the first day of school all over again
yer excited til the last second
and youre counting down til its time to go
and you put on yer cutest outfit ever
*which i diidd(:*
and theres adrenalin in yer body
i love it
were stopping at Micky Dees before we head out
so guards gonna have our first "dinner"
together(:
we alweays talked about going out to eat one day
i mean we ment like Chedders or something
but its a start(:
anyways so yeah im excited(:
just counting down til 2:15 (:
I DONTHAVE TO GO TO BIOLOGY TODAY ! :D
oh how i love the bonuses guard gives me
like leaving early
going to pep rallys and football games
aaaand gettinga letterman jacket next year :D
im so exciedlike i know were gonna kick some hard core ass
(:
i just know it.
its like the first day of school all over again
yer excited til the last second
and youre counting down til its time to go
and you put on yer cutest outfit ever
*which i diidd(:*
and theres adrenalin in yer body
i love it
were stopping at Micky Dees before we head out
so guards gonna have our first "dinner"
together(:
we alweays talked about going out to eat one day
i mean we ment like Chedders or something
but its a start(:
anyways so yeah im excited(:
just counting down til 2:15 (:
I DONTHAVE TO GO TO BIOLOGY TODAY ! :D
oh how i love the bonuses guard gives me
like leaving early
going to pep rallys and football games
aaaand gettinga letterman jacket next year :D
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Nice Friends - Lauren
So, i have a friend named JD. JD is rather christian, but sings and plays his guitar and Keymonica (real name - Tenor Melodica. Look it up. Best instrument ever.) all the time, he is really nice and really funny. He once told me and shea that we were like his dude friends, Shea got all upset at being called a dude, but he really just meant we were cool and he could talk to us. He's quite a perv at times, but only jokingly. But honestly... It may sound a little strange but It's kinda nice when he tells you how hot you are or tries to hold your hand. You know he's joking, but it still makes you feel good about yourself. He does it to tons of girls, but there are definitely ones he avoids, and it's nice to be included. Also it's never bad to get a compliment, no matter how silly and over the top it is. :) It's also never awkward for some reason. I mean, you know it's not like he likes you, from what I can tell he's still swooning over kate, who is a complete B**** and loud and obnoxious and Grrrr, I don't know why he likes her, she's so preppy and obnoxious, and is dating Nathan (who is in college now, though she's only a junior). But... It's just not weird ever. He calls Jordy 'The Hotter One' Because she's Kira's 'sister' and JD likes to remind her how much hotter she is than Kira. He, Chris Cody and I were driving to Sonic this morning (well, Chris was driving. XD) and he reached over and grabbed my hand, and told me I had to hold it, which I did, and then he was like "Look guys, I'm getting lucky! This is my form of getting lucky." It was really silly. I don't like him like that, he's just nice and funny and it's nice to get compliments now and again. ^_^ Ya know what I mean? Or do I sound completely crazy... XD
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Color Guard
color guard is gonna turn me into a bad ass
i already know it is
like one day after the games were gonna have a lock in at the PAC
sounds so much fun right?
and with these girls plus Kris i know it is!
yesterdady we basically just talked
we spilled secrets
and laughed
and joked around
it was amazing
the we started talking about how far weve gone
out of the ten people
theres only 3 virgins and im one of them.
im the only one whos never been drunk
whos never even taken a sip
and the only one whos never smoked.
and yet some how out of the three Vs
ive gone the farthest.
but anyways
at that party i know somethings gonna happen
wether i want it to or not
its gonna be one of those things
but is it bad that im excited?
i already know it is
like one day after the games were gonna have a lock in at the PAC
sounds so much fun right?
and with these girls plus Kris i know it is!
yesterdady we basically just talked
we spilled secrets
and laughed
and joked around
it was amazing
the we started talking about how far weve gone
out of the ten people
theres only 3 virgins and im one of them.
im the only one whos never been drunk
whos never even taken a sip
and the only one whos never smoked.
and yet some how out of the three Vs
ive gone the farthest.
but anyways
at that party i know somethings gonna happen
wether i want it to or not
its gonna be one of those things
but is it bad that im excited?
Monday, September 6, 2010
200(: and then some. - Brianna
this is post 200(:
i remember when i posted number 100(:
but anways,
i finally figured it out.
guys think that just cause they say sorry
were gonna run back to them
and everythings gonna be perfect
like if nothing ever happened
well..
it is like that
it is with me and ive realized that
so today is where i put my foot down.
theres no more "only exception"
no more flirting
no more "baby girl i still love you"
no its all bull shit anyways.
im done,
and the next time he has to say
"im sorry"
i swear to God, it will be the last.
im done letting him walk all over me.
im done HANDING him is cake, and letting him eat it too.
no more.
my rules are rules
and hes gonna have to learn to follow them.
the ones he knows about,
and the ones he doesnt hes gonna have to learn the hard way.
does this mean i dont love him anymore?
fuck no.
he still has all of my heart,
but i know that little by little all hes gonna do to it,
is tear it apart,
so im done(:
i remember when i posted number 100(:
but anways,
i finally figured it out.
guys think that just cause they say sorry
were gonna run back to them
and everythings gonna be perfect
like if nothing ever happened
well..
it is like that
it is with me and ive realized that
so today is where i put my foot down.
theres no more "only exception"
no more flirting
no more "baby girl i still love you"
no its all bull shit anyways.
im done,
and the next time he has to say
"im sorry"
i swear to God, it will be the last.
im done letting him walk all over me.
im done HANDING him is cake, and letting him eat it too.
no more.
my rules are rules
and hes gonna have to learn to follow them.
the ones he knows about,
and the ones he doesnt hes gonna have to learn the hard way.
does this mean i dont love him anymore?
fuck no.
he still has all of my heart,
but i know that little by little all hes gonna do to it,
is tear it apart,
so im done(:
Nothing Much To Complain About -Nilsa
So, it's High School time, and I find myself with... normal high school problems. I'm fighting with my mom, two of my friends like the same guy, I'm worried about my grades... I'm used to having these weird, ridiculous problems worth sharing. I mean it's not like my life is perfect, but unlike last year it's nothing to write a depressing, look-how-much-my-life-sucks teenage girl novel. I'm a bit upset because I've had to turn down plans, and see friends less because of my mom. I expected more freedom, being in high school and living so close to the school that I spend at least 12 hours a day lurking around. As it turns out, she won't even let me walk to school by myself anymore. She wants me to have this escort service of friends, thus giving me a false sense of security while walking the mile to school. Honestly I'm probably safer on my own than with my friends. Doesn't she know what kind of crazy stuff we'll do out on our own? I love being with them, and of course I'd rather walk to school with those amazing, insane people than on my own, but I'm not gonna make them go out of their way just so that I can escape my mom for 10 minutes more of the day.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Weekends Make Everything Worth It -Claudia
Being at school all week, around people who hardly know me and probably couldn't care less, was really making me feel unimportant and insignificant. Somehow I feel like I lose myself a little in those hallways, like I just drift around, untied to a specific personality because somehow mine disappears every morning when I have to wake up at 5:30 for school. Starting at a new place could be a good thing, a chance to reinvent myself. Really, I could pretend to be anyone I wanted at LASA, there wouldn't be many people who would notice if I changed. For some reason, that's not appealing at all. It feels like a lie. I want to be able to improve myself, not start from scratch, alone.
So, I was feeling really lame, but this weekend has changed everything! Baking cookies with my best friend and getting back into our usual selves, where I am silly and ridiculous, and mess up the recipe and forget to wash my hands, and she is the one who laughs and makes fun of me and fixes the things that I ruin. Seeing a movie with my mom, where she makes inappropriate jokes and ours are the loudest laughs in the theater. Going to church where there are people who remember what I looked like when I was two. Rollerblading with Nilsa and Henry and laughing so much and generally just being amazing. Kayaking with Deborah and Erika and Julia while we tip each other over and decide that swimming in fish poop-infused water is way more fun than actually staying in the boat. Frozen yogurt at night, when everyone starts to get loud and feel beautiful and invincible under the darkening sky.
I really had an amazing day and I feel like I am growing back into myself. Maybe the actual school part won't always be the best, but this being in high school thing might turn out okay.
So, I was feeling really lame, but this weekend has changed everything! Baking cookies with my best friend and getting back into our usual selves, where I am silly and ridiculous, and mess up the recipe and forget to wash my hands, and she is the one who laughs and makes fun of me and fixes the things that I ruin. Seeing a movie with my mom, where she makes inappropriate jokes and ours are the loudest laughs in the theater. Going to church where there are people who remember what I looked like when I was two. Rollerblading with Nilsa and Henry and laughing so much and generally just being amazing. Kayaking with Deborah and Erika and Julia while we tip each other over and decide that swimming in fish poop-infused water is way more fun than actually staying in the boat. Frozen yogurt at night, when everyone starts to get loud and feel beautiful and invincible under the darkening sky.
I really had an amazing day and I feel like I am growing back into myself. Maybe the actual school part won't always be the best, but this being in high school thing might turn out okay.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Seriously? -Brianna
Really?
Yer kidding right ?
Please tell me this is all just a big joke.
3 guys ?!
in a matter of 3 days ?!
thats friggin insane !!
i mean like one guy would be okay
but i had Isaac, Jason, and Rob,
and then !!!!
Maxy (the first one nilsa xD ) keeps asking me if im single when everyday
my answer is "Yes"
thats crazy!!
i can already tell high schools gonna be a bit different than middle school.
anyways
today in bio Rob was all like "try to make martin jealous" so he was like all over me while i was doing my work
i didnt say no lets not,
but i did say it was a stupid idea.
at this point im starting to think Martin could care less about me.
i mean like he cares,
but nothing more than just a close friend.
but like he doesnt care if guys ask me out or flirt with me
like for example
when Jason asked me out,
i told him,
and he sounded excited.
he was like "whatcha gonna say whatcha gonna say?"
every girl knows thats the easiest way to see if a guy still has feelings for you
if they get quietish and look down and hardly make eye contact,
then they do
but if theyre happy for you
then obviously they dont..
Hes such a teaser.
like okay
next friday,
theres this lock in at my school
its not exactly over night
but its til like 11 or 12.
anyways i was debating weather er not to go
cause that fri. is my first away game
so i was talkign to martin about it and he goes
"you should go, i mean look its a friday ! 10:54 *time he asked me out* you never know when we'll reconnect"
and so i dont know if hes actually planning on asking me back out then,
but whatever happens happens.
im skipping my game,
and taking a chance.
Yer kidding right ?
Please tell me this is all just a big joke.
3 guys ?!
in a matter of 3 days ?!
thats friggin insane !!
i mean like one guy would be okay
but i had Isaac, Jason, and Rob,
and then !!!!
Maxy (the first one nilsa xD ) keeps asking me if im single when everyday
my answer is "Yes"
thats crazy!!
i can already tell high schools gonna be a bit different than middle school.
anyways
today in bio Rob was all like "try to make martin jealous" so he was like all over me while i was doing my work
i didnt say no lets not,
but i did say it was a stupid idea.
at this point im starting to think Martin could care less about me.
i mean like he cares,
but nothing more than just a close friend.
but like he doesnt care if guys ask me out or flirt with me
like for example
when Jason asked me out,
i told him,
and he sounded excited.
he was like "whatcha gonna say whatcha gonna say?"
every girl knows thats the easiest way to see if a guy still has feelings for you
if they get quietish and look down and hardly make eye contact,
then they do
but if theyre happy for you
then obviously they dont..
Hes such a teaser.
like okay
next friday,
theres this lock in at my school
its not exactly over night
but its til like 11 or 12.
anyways i was debating weather er not to go
cause that fri. is my first away game
so i was talkign to martin about it and he goes
"you should go, i mean look its a friday ! 10:54 *time he asked me out* you never know when we'll reconnect"
and so i dont know if hes actually planning on asking me back out then,
but whatever happens happens.
im skipping my game,
and taking a chance.
Going the Distance - Lauren
So, I went to see Going the Distance with Dad today. Really good movie, but these romantic movies make me sad now. I feel sometimes like I grew up too fast, and while I was a kid and everything, I skipped normal teenage girl years full of obnoxious hormones and fights and dating and heartbreak and... Love. I feel like I skipped that. I mean, I know the important stuff comes later in life, but... I dunno.
I feel like I'm missing out.
I also feel like I've failed in some way because people like Lyn have a new date every week, and those people are awful to the people they're with, but it's not like Lyn dated Douche-bags who just wanted her body. She Dated Chris, my brother, Stephen... I mean, if she was dating ass-holes I'd understand. If she was dating people who only liked her because she was easy, I'd understand. But... Some of these people are real, genuine guys, and I don't understand what it is about her that draws even the nicest guys in. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's funny and sweet when she wants to be, but it's not like Chris didn't see the other side before they started dating. I just don't get it. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm weird and loud (and then alternatively obnoxiously shy), I know Maybe the fact that I haven't dated and don't date put people off, but I just... Don't get it. It's not just the pretty girls who date. Why not me? I've had interest, but as far as I can tell, It's just that no one's been interested in me. I really feel like I've done something wrong.
I just wish I knew what it was.
I feel like I'm missing out.
I also feel like I've failed in some way because people like Lyn have a new date every week, and those people are awful to the people they're with, but it's not like Lyn dated Douche-bags who just wanted her body. She Dated Chris, my brother, Stephen... I mean, if she was dating ass-holes I'd understand. If she was dating people who only liked her because she was easy, I'd understand. But... Some of these people are real, genuine guys, and I don't understand what it is about her that draws even the nicest guys in. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's funny and sweet when she wants to be, but it's not like Chris didn't see the other side before they started dating. I just don't get it. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm weird and loud (and then alternatively obnoxiously shy), I know Maybe the fact that I haven't dated and don't date put people off, but I just... Don't get it. It's not just the pretty girls who date. Why not me? I've had interest, but as far as I can tell, It's just that no one's been interested in me. I really feel like I've done something wrong.
I just wish I knew what it was.
Best. Morning. Ever. - Lauren
So, First off Joe (who graduated last year) came to visit us this morning, which in and of itself is awesome.
But then. Oh, but then.
We were all hanging out and shizz, super excited at Joe being there, Then all of a sudden we hear this shout. "You don't Fucking say that Shit to me!" When we turned to look, Lyn had my brother backed against a wall and was yelling at him, then... She slapped him. As it rang out in the hall it was deathly silent for a moment then Stephen and Luke pulled her away, then she pulled free of them and took off down the hall towards the bathroom with these earth shatteringly loud sobs and slammed in. Which, in it's own right, was -Really- funny. I know that sounds mean, but I've heard her cry before, and I know it doesn't sound like that, and NO ONE Cries that Loud. The whole freaking building could hear it. And it's entirely possible that she was actually crying, but that almost makes it worse because she was actually upset then was STILL Milking it for all it's worth and her Attention-Whore ways still shine. >:/ But yeah. It was silent for a few moments, then hushed conversations broke out and everyone excitedly discussed, but before anyone got very far She was back. She started in on Ashley this time, Jim's Girlfriend. She walked up to her and said in the silence "Do you really think he'll make you happy?" She affirmed, and after some debate Ashley said something to the effect of "I think you should just leave the two of us alone" and Lyn so Classily replied "Why don't you make me!"to which Ashley started to get up and said "Don't tempt me!" I was a second from jumping in but Ashley's friend got there first and told Lyn she just needed to go. Now. She started to fight it but Stephen intervened and pulled her away again. There was ann unsure silence in the hall, unsure as to whether it was actually over, then I stepped forwards across the hall to where Jim and Ashley were Seated on the floor, and called Ashley's name. She looked up at me, a flicker of apprehension crossed her face, and I raised my hand for a high-five, a huge smile spreading across my face. relief filled her face and she returned the high-five, then I turned to my brother (who wanted one too) and Demanded to know what He said to her. He told me that Lyn had Called Ashley a Whore and he'd stood up for her, saying to Lyn's Face "Not like You are." Which set her off. He'd been cussing her out just like she had to him, but apparently it's OK for her to do it, and not anyone else. He stood up for his girlfriend, against his Ex-Girlfriend who was Clearly trying to get her hooks back into him. YES!!! Which is just amazing, because Ashley is just -so- sweet, and his last few girlfriends have been... Iffy. So I'm so glad he found one who is really cool. She has a ninja-turtles backpack. Awesome? I think so. XD We filled in everyone else as they arrived, everyone else is So sad they missed it, especially Shea, Chris (Who dated Lyn), and JD (Who liked her). None of which like her. I don't think she understands that really no one does after all the shit she started. we're just tired of her shit. All of us. Except Stephen and the line of guys lining up to date her. Which I really don't get, she dumps guys so fast you don't know he dated them, and is awful and needy, and it's so lame. =/ (Why can a girl like this get a million guys but I can't get one? Not fair. >< She's pretty, but bitchy and was prettier before she bleached her hair, now she looks sickly. >< I guess cuz she's easy. Jim's accusation wasn't wrong particularly, apparently she's had four pregnancy scares this summer. FOUR.) But yeah. Then I walked into my first period personal fitness class where I haven't normally got anyone to talk to, and Courtney (Who apparently is one of Jim's friends) shouts as I walk in "We have Victory!" and we spent most of the class talking about it. XD (Plus we didn't have to work out cuz of the rain! =D)
Chris and I, yesterday, had sortof an intervention for my brother. He was pinned against the wall by Lyn, and they -weren't- fighting. So Chris elbowed in between them and told Jim they needed to talk. He used a funny accent to make it silly, and used a funny analogy, but he was completely serious in his meaning. We were convinced we had to get him away from her. Especially since I like Ashley and she loves to give Lyn the Death Glare every time she talks to Jim. So... I guess it worked! Because I'm pretty damned sure that only a few days ago he wouldn't have stood up to her. He hasn't before when she was cussing him out. But today, not only did he stand up for his girlfriend, but for himself.
The only lame thing about this is, I was really proud of him, but I walked into choir the period after he has choir, and written on the board in clearly Jim handwriting was "Lyn, Go Die in a Hole. <3" and in what I think was Brandon's (one of Jim's best friends) writing was the symbol she draws on everything with a ( / ) over it and under it in little writing it said F*ck You! ><
So yeah. Other than that last bit... This morning?
Best. Morning. Ever.
But then. Oh, but then.
We were all hanging out and shizz, super excited at Joe being there, Then all of a sudden we hear this shout. "You don't Fucking say that Shit to me!" When we turned to look, Lyn had my brother backed against a wall and was yelling at him, then... She slapped him. As it rang out in the hall it was deathly silent for a moment then Stephen and Luke pulled her away, then she pulled free of them and took off down the hall towards the bathroom with these earth shatteringly loud sobs and slammed in. Which, in it's own right, was -Really- funny. I know that sounds mean, but I've heard her cry before, and I know it doesn't sound like that, and NO ONE Cries that Loud. The whole freaking building could hear it. And it's entirely possible that she was actually crying, but that almost makes it worse because she was actually upset then was STILL Milking it for all it's worth and her Attention-Whore ways still shine. >:/ But yeah. It was silent for a few moments, then hushed conversations broke out and everyone excitedly discussed, but before anyone got very far She was back. She started in on Ashley this time, Jim's Girlfriend. She walked up to her and said in the silence "Do you really think he'll make you happy?" She affirmed, and after some debate Ashley said something to the effect of "I think you should just leave the two of us alone" and Lyn so Classily replied "Why don't you make me!"to which Ashley started to get up and said "Don't tempt me!" I was a second from jumping in but Ashley's friend got there first and told Lyn she just needed to go. Now. She started to fight it but Stephen intervened and pulled her away again. There was ann unsure silence in the hall, unsure as to whether it was actually over, then I stepped forwards across the hall to where Jim and Ashley were Seated on the floor, and called Ashley's name. She looked up at me, a flicker of apprehension crossed her face, and I raised my hand for a high-five, a huge smile spreading across my face. relief filled her face and she returned the high-five, then I turned to my brother (who wanted one too) and Demanded to know what He said to her. He told me that Lyn had Called Ashley a Whore and he'd stood up for her, saying to Lyn's Face "Not like You are." Which set her off. He'd been cussing her out just like she had to him, but apparently it's OK for her to do it, and not anyone else. He stood up for his girlfriend, against his Ex-Girlfriend who was Clearly trying to get her hooks back into him. YES!!! Which is just amazing, because Ashley is just -so- sweet, and his last few girlfriends have been... Iffy. So I'm so glad he found one who is really cool. She has a ninja-turtles backpack. Awesome? I think so. XD We filled in everyone else as they arrived, everyone else is So sad they missed it, especially Shea, Chris (Who dated Lyn), and JD (Who liked her). None of which like her. I don't think she understands that really no one does after all the shit she started. we're just tired of her shit. All of us. Except Stephen and the line of guys lining up to date her. Which I really don't get, she dumps guys so fast you don't know he dated them, and is awful and needy, and it's so lame. =/ (Why can a girl like this get a million guys but I can't get one? Not fair. >< She's pretty, but bitchy and was prettier before she bleached her hair, now she looks sickly. >< I guess cuz she's easy. Jim's accusation wasn't wrong particularly, apparently she's had four pregnancy scares this summer. FOUR.) But yeah. Then I walked into my first period personal fitness class where I haven't normally got anyone to talk to, and Courtney (Who apparently is one of Jim's friends) shouts as I walk in "We have Victory!" and we spent most of the class talking about it. XD (Plus we didn't have to work out cuz of the rain! =D)
Chris and I, yesterday, had sortof an intervention for my brother. He was pinned against the wall by Lyn, and they -weren't- fighting. So Chris elbowed in between them and told Jim they needed to talk. He used a funny accent to make it silly, and used a funny analogy, but he was completely serious in his meaning. We were convinced we had to get him away from her. Especially since I like Ashley and she loves to give Lyn the Death Glare every time she talks to Jim. So... I guess it worked! Because I'm pretty damned sure that only a few days ago he wouldn't have stood up to her. He hasn't before when she was cussing him out. But today, not only did he stand up for his girlfriend, but for himself.
The only lame thing about this is, I was really proud of him, but I walked into choir the period after he has choir, and written on the board in clearly Jim handwriting was "Lyn, Go Die in a Hole. <3" and in what I think was Brandon's (one of Jim's best friends) writing was the symbol she draws on everything with a ( / ) over it and under it in little writing it said F*ck You! ><
So yeah. Other than that last bit... This morning?
Best. Morning. Ever.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
thoughts? - Brianna
On Tuesday martin and i broke up.
i hated it,
i couldnt even look at him when i said "its over"
yes, i broke up with him.
but not by choice.
its complicated but yeah.
today, on Wednesday,
two guys asked me out.
i mean jesus !
when did i get so hot ?!
nd like i know this sounds like a joke,
but its not.
i had my first boyfriend, a little less than a year ago,
nd now ive got more than one guy asking me out in a month !
like thats crazyy !!!
the first guy wasnt really asking me out
but he thought we were gonna go out after my break up
it was my friend Isaac.
like he keeps calling me beautiful,
and sending me random texts say "ILY(:"
like its weirddd.
the second guyy,
is one of my ex boyfriends.
Jason.
so first he wanted me to cheat on martin with him
now he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Baby doll i dont work like thatt.
i mean jesus how badly do you want me ?!
see okay.. this brings me to a thoughtt.
ive got guys asking me out a day after we break up,
and telling me they like me while im going out with someone,
but i dont ever second guess my feelings for martin
or at least i didnt.
and i mean even still !!
i know that i love him and for a while, thats not gonna change.
so why is it that every time a girl tells martin that she likes him,
he automatically likes them too, and doesnt know who to choose ?
its not fair to me.
but first of all, why is she telling my boyfriend at the time, that she liked him
when she knew we were together ?!
and some how in this whole thingg...
i feel like its my fault !
i hate it soo much.
i know i did nothing wrong,
but theres this thing inside me,
that makes me think
i coulve done something about it to not
make him think he likes her.
or not make him wonder if lauren likes him or nott.
get it ?
well yeah.. it makes perfect sense to me.
i guess im just taking this whole break up badly.
like we were a week away from our one month
ive never stayed a whole month with the same guy !
i feel soo pathetic when i say that
but then im with martin
nd i feel like we can last a really long time...
and then we dont.
i hate it.
i find a guy worth my time
but im not worth his i guess.
as i type this im litereally about
two feet away from martin..
nd it kills me that im not his girlfriend
i hated it,
i couldnt even look at him when i said "its over"
yes, i broke up with him.
but not by choice.
its complicated but yeah.
today, on Wednesday,
two guys asked me out.
i mean jesus !
when did i get so hot ?!
nd like i know this sounds like a joke,
but its not.
i had my first boyfriend, a little less than a year ago,
nd now ive got more than one guy asking me out in a month !
like thats crazyy !!!
the first guy wasnt really asking me out
but he thought we were gonna go out after my break up
it was my friend Isaac.
like he keeps calling me beautiful,
and sending me random texts say "ILY(:"
like its weirddd.
the second guyy,
is one of my ex boyfriends.
Jason.
so first he wanted me to cheat on martin with him
now he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Baby doll i dont work like thatt.
i mean jesus how badly do you want me ?!
see okay.. this brings me to a thoughtt.
ive got guys asking me out a day after we break up,
and telling me they like me while im going out with someone,
but i dont ever second guess my feelings for martin
or at least i didnt.
and i mean even still !!
i know that i love him and for a while, thats not gonna change.
so why is it that every time a girl tells martin that she likes him,
he automatically likes them too, and doesnt know who to choose ?
its not fair to me.
but first of all, why is she telling my boyfriend at the time, that she liked him
when she knew we were together ?!
and some how in this whole thingg...
i feel like its my fault !
i hate it soo much.
i know i did nothing wrong,
but theres this thing inside me,
that makes me think
i coulve done something about it to not
make him think he likes her.
or not make him wonder if lauren likes him or nott.
get it ?
well yeah.. it makes perfect sense to me.
i guess im just taking this whole break up badly.
like we were a week away from our one month
ive never stayed a whole month with the same guy !
i feel soo pathetic when i say that
but then im with martin
nd i feel like we can last a really long time...
and then we dont.
i hate it.
i find a guy worth my time
but im not worth his i guess.
as i type this im litereally about
two feet away from martin..
nd it kills me that im not his girlfriend
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