Glad to be back - Lauren

I know over the last few months I've been dealing with a lot of shit and fighting getting into the dark place, but No more! I know maybe it seems silly, but This has done so much more for me than just getting a boyfriend.
John asked me out officially two weeks ago today, to which I of course said yes. ;)
The last two weeks have been pretty amazing, though it feel like sooo much longer than that. We've been on two dates and He came to one of the EPIC rehearsals.
We've texted every night from when I get home until one of us falls asleep (with the occasional internet fail on my part - but I ordered my new phone so by the end of the week I should be back in business! :D)
He's so sweet, I couldn't have imagined better. :)

But even more than just that I'm simply... Happy again. I mean, it's like it kindof restored my faith in myself and reminded me that I AM good enough, which I think I was starting to forget before. But now... I think even if this falls through (Which I don't think it will and I sincerely hope it doesn't) I'll be able to get back on my feet and live my life again.
I remember now how much I like being happy.
I really don't ever want that feeling to go away again.
I missed it, I just didn't know how much.
I feel like I'm finally back to being myself again. I wasn't ever that sad alone person, that's just not who I am. But this... I'm so much happier and when I smile all the time at school I'm not faking it, it's real and I love it.
I missed this... So so so much.
I'm glad to be back. :)

Going the Distance - Lauren

So, I went to see Going the Distance with Dad today. Really good movie, but these romantic movies make me sad now. I feel sometimes like I grew up too fast, and while I was a kid and everything, I skipped normal teenage girl years full of obnoxious hormones and fights and dating and heartbreak and... Love. I feel like I skipped that. I mean, I know the important stuff comes later in life, but... I dunno.
 
I feel like I'm missing out.

I also feel like I've failed in some way because people like Lyn have a new date every week, and those people are awful to the people they're with, but it's not like Lyn dated Douche-bags who just wanted her body. She Dated Chris, my brother, Stephen... I mean, if she was dating ass-holes I'd understand. If she was dating people who only liked her because she was easy, I'd understand. But... Some of these people are real, genuine guys, and I don't understand what it is about her that draws even the nicest guys in. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's funny and sweet when she wants to be, but it's not like Chris didn't see the other side before they started dating. I just don't get it. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm weird and loud (and then alternatively obnoxiously shy), I know Maybe the fact that I haven't dated and don't date put people off, but I just... Don't get it. It's not just the pretty girls who date. Why not me? I've had interest, but as far as I can tell, It's just that no one's been interested in me. I really feel like I've done something wrong.

I just wish I knew what it was.

Missing Her - Lauren

It's been a year now since I last saw my best friend. She came down last June and stayed for three weeks. I miss her so much... She's my best friend, my sister, my shoulder to lean on when things get rough, she's like my other half, and I miss her so much... I would do anything to have her back here and away from her hateful parents. I want her back here with me. <\3 she should be here. It's where she belongs. And now... Instead of sending her down for some part of the summer her dad wants us to wait till Christmas break? And I don't know if I see my dad being cool with that. She's my sister, being with her on Christmas would be the greatest, but my dads very big on family time. Which is good generally, but I consider Sam some of my closest family, and he does not. >> I don't want to have to wait until Christmas time to maybe see her... I want my best friend back. Now.