Comfortable? - Lauren

So... There's very little going on right now.
Lyn and her drama has nearly completely subsided.
Jim's behaving himself and being a good boyfriend to Ashley.
My friends are harmonious.
Shea's Hutto High Scare is over (she almost didn't get her TEA form for her drivers license, and if she hadn't gotten it her mom was going to transfer her) and ended well.
It's October, so SCARE is taking up every avaliable ounce of my energies. (October is the month when I don't sleep. XD)
Homework and Class Loads aren't great, but aren't too bad.
My Choir issues are slowly going away, Dr. Fish still yells at us all the freaking time, but it's better when you have people to talk to. :) Chamber is getting much better, I was sitting and writing something today, and Tiara dragged me back into the group cuz I wasn't supposed to sit alone. ;) Megan invited me to her house Tuesday to watch Glee with her and David, and possibly Chris, which I may or may not take her up on, because I'm pretty sure that for some reason David hates me, but Chris is awesome... So I dunno. >< But it was still really nice to be asked. :)
I miss my best friend a whole hell of a lot, but she is at least trying more to talk to me now, she's initiated a few conversations so I'm really hoping things get better from here on out...
Of course there are still my normal issues, mostly about my completely nonexistent romance life, and how I really wish it existed (and how I'm tired of people telling me that I'm wrong, and I don't want one. Maybe I don't need one, but... It'd be nice to be able to decide for myself. It'd be nice to even be asked. It'd be nice to know I'm not a complete failure as you have heard me rant about before....). But you know. It's... Not so bad. :)
Things are just... Comfortable.
And I'm OK with that.

Ho Shizz... - Lauren

Lyn and Ashley nearly beat the shit out of eachother today.
WE were all hanging out in the hallway like normal, and all of a sudden we hear the two of them screaming at eachother, Lyn kept calling Ashley (my brother's girlfriend) a Cunt, and Ashley was being a bit more creative, but Lyn always just came back with the same thing.
But... It was really frikking funny. Lyn... Everyone's like, afraid of her, but when they finally came to blows, She flailed at Ashley and bruised her a little bit on the bridge of her nose, and Ashley actually threw punches and Split her lip. ^_^;; I just love how much of a wimp Lyn actually is, and how BA Ashley actually is. XD It's pretty-much awesome. =D
SO yeah, there's that for you. :O

On another note completely, I always thought I'd never want to move out of my house ever, but I'm getting real sick of the testosterone that seeps from every molecule of this house. People think girls are moody. HA! My brother's an emo, my uncle's a hermit, and I recently witnessed my 44 year old dad throw a temper tantrum of sorts this weekend. I would like a little less MALE invading every waking moment of my home life. O.o And slightly more Male in the romance department would be awesome. ><

On another entirely different note, I can't wait for SCARE This year! =D So many friends from completely different groups coming together should be interesting. I've known rowan upwards of 6 years or so, I've only known Montanna about a year though it feels like forever and we're super awesome, I've known Nilsa two years and we're LEGIT as Ben would say. This should be fun. XD

Going the Distance - Lauren

So, I went to see Going the Distance with Dad today. Really good movie, but these romantic movies make me sad now. I feel sometimes like I grew up too fast, and while I was a kid and everything, I skipped normal teenage girl years full of obnoxious hormones and fights and dating and heartbreak and... Love. I feel like I skipped that. I mean, I know the important stuff comes later in life, but... I dunno.
 
I feel like I'm missing out.

I also feel like I've failed in some way because people like Lyn have a new date every week, and those people are awful to the people they're with, but it's not like Lyn dated Douche-bags who just wanted her body. She Dated Chris, my brother, Stephen... I mean, if she was dating ass-holes I'd understand. If she was dating people who only liked her because she was easy, I'd understand. But... Some of these people are real, genuine guys, and I don't understand what it is about her that draws even the nicest guys in. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's funny and sweet when she wants to be, but it's not like Chris didn't see the other side before they started dating. I just don't get it. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm weird and loud (and then alternatively obnoxiously shy), I know Maybe the fact that I haven't dated and don't date put people off, but I just... Don't get it. It's not just the pretty girls who date. Why not me? I've had interest, but as far as I can tell, It's just that no one's been interested in me. I really feel like I've done something wrong.

I just wish I knew what it was.

Best. Morning. Ever. - Lauren

So, First off Joe (who graduated last year) came to visit us this morning, which in and of itself is awesome.
But then. Oh, but then.
We were all hanging out and shizz, super excited at Joe being there, Then all of a sudden we hear this shout. "You don't Fucking say that Shit to me!" When we turned to look, Lyn had my brother backed against a wall and was yelling at him, then... She slapped him. As it rang out in the hall it was deathly silent for a moment then Stephen and Luke pulled her away, then she pulled free of them and took off down the hall towards the bathroom with these earth shatteringly loud sobs and slammed in. Which, in it's own right, was -Really- funny. I know that sounds mean, but I've heard her cry before, and I know it doesn't sound like that, and NO ONE Cries that Loud. The whole freaking building could hear it. And it's entirely possible that she was actually crying, but that almost makes it worse because she was actually upset then was STILL Milking it for all it's worth and her Attention-Whore ways still shine. >:/ But yeah. It was silent for a few moments, then hushed conversations broke out and everyone excitedly discussed, but before anyone got very far She was back. She started in on Ashley this time, Jim's Girlfriend. She walked up to her and said in the silence "Do you really think he'll make you happy?" She affirmed, and after some debate Ashley said something to the effect of "I think you should just leave the two of us alone" and Lyn so Classily replied "Why don't you make me!"to which Ashley started to get up and said "Don't tempt me!" I was a second from jumping in but Ashley's friend got there first and told Lyn she just needed to go. Now. She started to fight it but Stephen intervened and pulled her away again. There was ann unsure silence in the hall, unsure as to whether it was actually over, then I stepped forwards across the hall to where Jim and Ashley were Seated on the floor, and called Ashley's name. She looked up at me, a flicker of apprehension crossed her face, and I raised my hand for a high-five, a huge smile spreading across my face. relief filled her face and she returned the high-five, then I turned to my brother (who wanted one too) and Demanded to know what He said to her. He told me that Lyn had Called Ashley a Whore and he'd stood up for her, saying to Lyn's Face "Not like You are." Which set her off. He'd been cussing her out just like she had to him, but apparently it's OK for her to do it, and not anyone else. He stood up for his girlfriend, against his Ex-Girlfriend who was Clearly trying to get her hooks back into him. YES!!! Which is just amazing, because Ashley is just -so- sweet, and his last few girlfriends have been... Iffy. So I'm so glad he found one who is really cool. She has a ninja-turtles backpack. Awesome? I think so. XD We filled in everyone else as they arrived, everyone else is So sad they missed it, especially Shea, Chris (Who dated Lyn), and JD (Who liked her). None of which like her. I don't think she understands that really no one does after all the shit she started. we're just tired of her shit. All of us. Except Stephen and the line of guys lining up to date her. Which I really don't get, she dumps guys so fast you don't know he dated them, and is awful and needy, and it's so lame. =/ (Why can a girl like this get a million guys but I can't get one? Not fair. >< She's pretty, but bitchy and was prettier before she bleached her hair, now she looks sickly. >< I guess cuz she's easy. Jim's accusation wasn't wrong particularly, apparently she's had four pregnancy scares this summer. FOUR.) But yeah. Then I walked into my first period personal fitness class where I haven't normally got anyone to talk to, and Courtney (Who apparently is one of Jim's friends) shouts as I walk in "We have Victory!" and we spent most of the class talking about it. XD (Plus we didn't have to work out cuz of the rain! =D)
Chris and I, yesterday, had sortof an intervention for my brother. He was pinned against the wall by Lyn, and they -weren't- fighting. So Chris elbowed in between them and told Jim they needed to talk. He used a funny accent to make it silly, and used a funny analogy, but he was completely serious in his meaning. We were convinced we had to get him away from her. Especially since I like Ashley and she loves to give Lyn the Death Glare every time she talks to Jim. So... I guess it worked! Because I'm pretty damned sure that only a few days ago he wouldn't have stood up to her. He hasn't before when she was cussing him out. But today, not only did he stand up for his girlfriend, but for himself.
The only lame thing about this is, I was really proud of him, but I walked into choir the period after he has choir, and written on the board in clearly Jim handwriting was "Lyn, Go Die in a Hole. <3" and in what I think was Brandon's (one of Jim's best friends) writing was the symbol she draws on everything with a ( / ) over it and under it in little writing it said F*ck You! ><
So yeah. Other than that last bit... This morning?
Best. Morning. Ever.

Not Again... - Lauren

And now, to top it off, I got a message from Amanda. It's like... I have great days for a while, then all of a sudden everything happens in one day. >.>
Just watch though, tomorrow it'll be Anysa with my luck. >:/
Cuz it's the three people I haven't spoken to and had no plan to, and honestly I don't think I can forgive despite how hard it is for me to be angry and reject them trying to be friends... I honestly don't know that I can forget what they did. Kira and I didn't even think of being 'friends' for a year and The reason we stopped didn't even involve me, but my best friend. I just... I wish I could be friends with them again. I do. But...

But I just... I look at Amanda and I remember a 'friend' who left me alone in the forest to go screw my brother. A 'friend' who has fed me lies almost since we met. A 'friend' who stole my best friend away to another room when me and Audrey slept to drink each others blood.
I look at Lyn and I see the angry violent person she uses to cover the deep, sweet girl inside. The one she refuses to let anyone see. I see the one who dated and threw away guys who may've loved her like they were nothing. I see the girl who stole my brother away for doing god knows what while I slept, and I woke up to find them sleeping on my floor cuddled up together. I see the girl Who I practically didn't exist to while she was with my brother.
I look at Anysa and I see feigned pregnancies, I see lies and cheating, I see Marcus's text after he found out about Jim and Anysa while they were dating. I see her and Amanda making out in the hallway. I just...
I don't think I can get past that... I really don't.

I don't want to be the one to give up on people... I really don't. That's the last one I wanted to be. But these aren't healthy people, and being around them causes me so much pain and stress. I'm just now feeling well, I don't need their shit too... I just can't do it... >.>


But i'll get through it, I always do. I'm just frustrated, I'll be fine in the end.It just sucks for now.

The Drama Llama strikes again... - Lauren

School doesn't even start for another two weeks and the Drama Llama is already back.
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...

I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....

I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(