that mother-! -Brianna

ughh one of my friends since sixth grade told me that Jason was "Friends with benefits" with his current girlfriend while WE were going out!! that stupid lying cheating two face! i hate his stupid guts and i never wanna talk to him again! infact, next time i see him im just gonna walk away. instead of waiting for him to come up and talk to me, im just gonna go straight to my class, and ignore his stupid ass! he deserves it!! im not gonna let him fool me with his stupid sweet talk... although it is rather nice.. my point is that im not talking to him ever again, end of discussion. so anyways i found that out during our testing period, and after school he came up to me. i was talking to D'angelo and Oscar. he came up and tried to high five me but i just crossed my arms and looked down, then he came next to me and asked if he could talk to me and i steped to the opposite side, and said no he said "no?" and i go "non" then he walked away. came back like 5 seconds later asked "what did i do?" i said "you know what you did" he goes "i know?" and i go "you know" then he started to say something but the i go "come on D'angelo walk me to my bus" nd i walked away. i hate cheating. my dad cheated on my mom, my sister cheated on the one boyfriend of hers that i liked, and my godfather cheated on my godmother. i'm NOT gonna let anyone ever walk all over me, and think we can be friends. hell to the no! im not a vulnerable little child. im a teenager with a heart made of glass..

Who to go to? -Nilsa

I know that I shouldn't complain. I have... so many great people.
It's just, if this happened before I know who's cell I would be calling and who would find a way to make me laugh about it and who's mom would be telling her to get off the phone and come downstairs and who I would quickly make plans with to go on a walk that night to talk about it somemore. I don't know who that person is supposed to be now. I don't know who to go to.

(Just one more thing before you leave... -Brianna

don't forget to remember me.) todays just not my day... it kinda sucked. first i lost my phone, second in the middle of a store i spill soda all over myself, then i start thinking about Jesus nd i cried now my eye hurts. its just a tuesday... im still not over the fact that i lost my phone.. sorry mispalced it. i know where it is, just not the exact location..its at my school. i guess in one of my classes it fell out nd i didnt even notice. my only worry is that a kid or administrater took it. if its a kid, ill never see it again. if itsa n administrater, ill get a long lecture. if one of my teachers took it up *which im hoping* then ill get it back tomorrow.. if i dont find it what-so-ever, my phone has a warrenty there fore theyll replace it, unless my mom doesnt let me get it replaced. which i wouldnt blame her. ughh i cant believe i lost it!! my plan is to stay positive about the whole thing but i know whden i tell my mom shes gonna freak. i know she will. its just abomb ticking for me... and you know what sucks the most? i was supposed to stay home from school today, but i decided to go... ughh!! this is not fair at all.... but i guess i gotta suffer the consiquences... bleghh. anywys, again im telling my mom as soon as i get home, or her, well when ever i see her nextt. but i mean who knows maybe i did leave it at home nd i was just.. wishing i had my phone? i dont know... well im gonna go home knoww wish me luck with everything!

"You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love them anyway" -Martina McBride

With Him -Nilsa

I'm having so much fun... I know he's only my 3rd boyfriend, but he is DEFINITELY the best so far. He gives me... butterflies!
Oh the dark side, that one girl is driving me INSANE... like, if she gets soooo annoyed with him, then WHYWHYWHY does she come up every time were hanging out? Having no time alone is starting to get to me... other people can pick up hints, but apparently she can't, and it's starting to get ridiculous. People tell me I'm too nice, but I don't want to make enemies!
To show you just how ridiculous it was, here is a script of a conversation from wayyyy back a few weeks ago:
Mileena: (whispers) Ryan! Talk to your girlfriend (note: she said this because he was talking to her).
Ryan: My bad!
Her: What happened?!
Ryan: Sorry, but it doesn't really concern anyone else.
Her: Yeah, just like whether I like ******* or not doesn't concern YOU!
Ryan: I didn't say it concerned me! I was just bringing it up.
Her: Well don't! And I don't hate her!
Ryan: Really? It looks like you hate her.
Her: Well I don't! (slaps Ryan with folder).
Ryan: Ugh, I will break your tiara!
Me: (gets up and leaves).

Ya get it a little more now?
Thanks for reading!

UIL! -Nilsa

I'm so happy about how it went. I mean, 8 out of 12 awards?! thats ridiculous. I really expected us to get 1st after that, because obviously we had the best actors. I think those 1st placers just made the judge sad...
But ya know what, it's okay! Not just okay, but super okay! I'm proud of myself for getting gold, proud of lexi for getting silver, proud of Brianna and Cesi for being in their first play ever, proud of ocsar for getting BEST ACTOR, and proud of everyone else who got everything else!
Markus, the High Schooler who helped us out, was also super awesome. He told me that they would be excited to have me in theatre next year, and I felt so bad telling him that I was going to McCallum!
Anyway, congrats to everyone! I love you all and miss you already!

UIL -Brianna

8 out of 12 awards, second place, and one of our actors received the Best Actor Award. i was really bummed we didnt get first, but second is just as... no we deserved first nd the judge knows itt, but the other school had better effects... bleghh. well anyways, after we preformed, i quickly changed out of my costume, and ran to the auditorium, where out side i ran into Jesus. :) i gave him like the biggest hug fer coming nd he said we did really good, and that we were gonna get first placee :D haha. well anyways we went inside, and we sat togetherr, we were almost about to hold hands, then i remembered... Destiny.. so i pulled away. but anyways i put my head on his shoulder nd we made jokes. it was so much funn. after that performance Alex, nd jesus went bac kto the room with us to pick up nd get ready fer the awards assembly. like in there we joked around about everything, and we were just acting like the best friends that we are. at the awards assebly, again, we sat together nd made jokes. he found a penny on heads nd he put it on my lap, i took it nd like we kept giving it back and forth. finally at one point we started putting it into each others mouths. nd like at first itd be just grabbing it with our teeth, then it led to like.. idk but we were touching each others lips and.. anyways, at one point he put it fully in his mouth, then put it in mine. it was soo hilarious! :D then we started biting a paper, and like trying to copy each others bite marks. it was awesome. haha. then he took something of mine nd i was trying to get it back, but he wouldnt give it back, so i had to stand up nd take it, then he gave it back nd fer like 4 seconds i was sitting on his lap. then at one point i was pretending to cry nd he gave me a hug, then he left his arm around the seat, i was like "wow why didnt you just yawn?!" it was fun. so over all, it was amazing hanging out with my guy best friendd cause my girl best friend, is still melly! :D haha
FACT: i can open a starburst with my tongue in 28 seconds :D <- im a good kisser :D :D bahaha

this weekk -Brianna

went by faaassttt. not much happened. Jesus swore hed be at the play, nd i didnt believe him but he proved me wrongg. were like... best friends again. how it was the night he asked me out... minus the flirting. like lexi made me realize, i still have those feelings for him ndi always will. like he still has that special place in my heart, but its not the same. like how you feel about your ex best friend, you always just wish things could go back the way they were before you guys got into a fightt. thats whow it always HAS been with him. luckily weve been able to make it like it was before we went outt. Tonights my UIL and guess whos gonna be in the audience? Jesus. non of my friends will, because they cant, but he's going out of his way to come. hes going to apy three bucks to come see me...a second time! he was in the audience on thursday nightt and he'll be there tonight :) im really happy he can be here. and last night... oh my last nightt. he texted me, and he woke me up, it was soo much fun and it reminded BOTH of us of how it was when we were going outt. it was amazingg. he told me the one thing he wanted the most, iandi told him what i wanted the most. and other than him, thereso nly one other person i'd tell that to, of course, mileena. but isnt that soo weird? i wouldnt tell anyone that minus him and her. aand then when i saw him in the audience thursday night..its just soo amazing knowing hes gonna be one of my best friend for a long time

Sweetness! -Nilsa

This week has been pretty much as great as I can ask for... I mean, I got complemented by a state judge in the first showing of Dorothy Meets Alice! Things are going good with Ryan, and I've managed to be silent since 1st period... well, it's only 2nd period, but still! There's been very little drama aswell.
On the dark side, someone is being a cockblocker... big time! Evvverrrryyyone is getting annoyed, at least a bit! I'm also worried. I really do like Ryan. But... hmm... let's see: Im Democratic and he's Republican. I'm Left Wing and he's Right Wing. I'm sitting here, attempting to not talk for a day so that I can support BGLT rights, and he's against it... I mean, were both really accepting of other people's beliefs, but have we ever been in a relationship with someone so different? This is the longest time I've EVER gone out with someone... I think it's getting real. Can I handle this, along with the fact that next year it's gonna be long-distance. He broke up with Nadege when he switch schools, and they still live closer than we do. I like him sooooo much. And he's sweet... what if I want a new beginning? I dunno, really. I'm just rambling. I'll make this work as long as I can. For now, I still consider myself happy.

mondays suck! -Brianna

have you ever just felt like turning around and yelling at the person behind you? well my sisters behind me talking to her boyfriend about something that happened recently and shes really pissing me off! i just feel like turning around nd yelling in her face "ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE ONE!!" ughh... todays just like... crap... i want her to just go away. i dont want her here. i wish my mom would make her live with my dad! im just so tired of everything... i cant even explain what happened today... ughh.. maybe some other time... im gonna go cry, blast my music, and scream into my pillow. have a lovely monday evening....

I realize I like Closure -Nilsa

Thanks to Brianna, I've realized this about myself.
Out of all of them, the only one who refuses to say hi to me, laugh at a joke I make in class or say 'excuse me' when she needs to walk by is HER. "Someone #1." It's pretty darn ironic.
The thing is, I hate just having to see her every day, not knowing how she feels or whats really happened.
Basically, what I've been thinking lately is that I just want to talk to her. I mean, now that everything has calmed down. I want to professionally, politely, and kindly talk about what has happened and share our sides of the stroy. No yelling, no blaming, and no crying (no promises for that last one on my part). It has to be face-to-face. I just really need this to happen. I need this to end in a healthy manner. It's been almost seven months since I recieved that horrible text; enough time for me to get all new friends but not enough time for the pain to cese in any way, shape or form. It's just been long enough for me to learn to deal with it. I'm almost at peace with myself... almost. But I need to do this. I just need the OK first.

Lately... -Nilsa

Lately I have been writing in a journel... just a description of the things that have happened to me this year. I've shown a couple close friends, but mostly, this is just for me. I want to recommend writing privately to everyone and anyone who's going through anything.

HulalaHoop!- Haley

So 54 Days until Summer :'D
54 more days until the beaches, the shopping, the hanging out until late,
the endless phone calls and texting. (: I can't be more excited. less than
2 months.. :'D!!!!
But the more and more time goes by, the more impatient I keep getting.
It just seems the more and more Chai keeps promising me. Nothing's
happening. I can wait for a while. But not forever, I'm not willing to waste
my life waiting for you. I just can't. There's so much that I will be missing out on.
A lot of times I cry. Because it feels useless to hope for us to be together anymore.
We've lasted this long.. but damn it... I feel so hopeless for us ever meeting.
I feel like I keep waiting, I keep believing you.. but nothings happening! Nothing
I do seems to keep me waiting..I feel like it's not worth it anymore. I know you
think I get mad over nothing. But it's all my feelings building up and then it explodes
over little stuff.
But Summer... should take my mind off things!
Can't wait!

Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened -Brianna

There's only 55 days of school and one sixth grader, 6 seventh graders, and about 25 eighth graders im gonna miss next year. To the sixth grader who stole my heart: theres no way im ever gonna ferget about you is there? :) although were the worst couple ever, were the best friends. nd although im going to high school, i started talking to you again because theres no way i can leave knowing ill never see you again, and we were not talking. you were the first person i loved nd i still do, nd always will. you were there when i needed you, nd thats all i ask fer :) you better still talk to me, cause if not, when you come to MY high school, youll be a niner nd ill have cool junior friends :D haha ily Jay Lo:) To my six 7th graders, my cast, my amazing new 8th graders :) you guys are amazing. theres no way in heaven or hell i'll ever forget about you guys! although im going to a new school, you guys have my number, nd some of you live near me :) Alexis, Isayana, Yahaira, D'angelo, Oscar, Fernie&&Deandre you guys are the people who have changed my year the most. without yall, im pretty sure my life would be like... last yearr. full of drama nd so muchh bull. you guys were/are there when i need yall. i can vent to any one of you guys knowing you care, thats something i cant say about half of my eighth grade "friends" Lexi, yer going to high school with me when you go in as a niner, and i promise, i WILL make fun of you :) Isayana, yer amazing, nd we will stay in touch. Yahaira, you are amazingly sweet, nd youll do fine in 8th grade, D'angelo, my own personal scarecrow:) the guy i trust with anything and everything, you know ill miss you more than you will me, Oscar, the guys whos opinion means the most to me in everything. because we got so close, we have all our inside jokes and next year im gonna miss being able to say themm. Fernie, you ahve no chance with Cesi, but youve got curage :) youll move onn. Deandre or "Johnny" your yer own person nd dont ever changee:) nd now, my 8th graders. ive known some of you since fourth grade, and you guys have seen me at my best, and at my worst. Cesi, Nilsa, Haley, you guys are going to the high school of your choice nd although i really wish i could tell you to come to high school with me, i know i couldnt do that cause your doing whats best fer you. Cesi, yer going to manor because its got more oppertuinites, nilsa yer going to Mcallum cause its got a great theater program, nd ley ley, yer going to P ville cause you hate manor isd, its yer choice not minee, nd i hope to god, that 54 days from today will be the last time i se or talk to you guys:) although theres many more people ill miss next year these are the people who matter most to me. Mileena, Sara, you guys are going to high school with me nd thats amazing, but whats gona suck? saying good bye on the last day o senior year... collage hits us, then life, nd what if we never talk again? but lets take one step at a time. lets make the best of the next 54 days, and have an amazing summer:)

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

so since Monday.. -Brianna

Jasons broken up with me, me and my ex have become best friends again, we took our TAKS, i think i was about to get asked out, and nervs have kicked innn. So, Jason broke up with mee.. the first time ive been dumped. but i dont even know if it counts cause im thinking about getting back together with him. third times a charm rightt? well thats what ive heard. nd the break up went horrible. he gave me the wrong note, i got mad, and ugh it was just wrong. but anyways, weve been talking latly nd i dont knoww. i guess if he doesnt get into new tech, i dont wanna waste my time.. i guess thats the only way to put it. like i mean i really like him, but theres only two months of school leftt. i dont wanna like totally fall in love with him, then not be able to see him at all ya knoww? so if he gets in or not has a lot to do with my decision. Jesus. yesterday i talked to him after school nd i told him i was really sorry for telling him to forget about me. in the middle of my sentence he stoped me said "its okay" then gave me thee biggest hug ever... the kind that ive secretly missed so muchh. and i was able to look into his eyes, knowing he was looking right back at mine, and honestly i missed it so much more than i knew. i missed the familarness of his smile, and his arms around me, and our flirtingness. and.. its just amazing to have him as my friend again i really missed him a lott. okay so today i was on the bus nd i was like text-talking to maxy not nilsas maxy but... nilsas ex maxy. baha. anywayss he goes truth or dare nd i go truth nd he goes who do you like? like that you wanna go out with them? nd i go thats classified information you? nd he goes its classified information then he had to get off the bus, but the smile he had when i read it then looked back at him. it was.. weirdd. anyways Nervs have kicked inn. im soo nervous! all of my friends are going, including two that dont go to my school. i think theres only one thing i need to work on and thats smiling. like theres one scene where oscar puts his arm around me nd i start thinking of one of our inside jokes so we start smiling if his gf sees that then shell be pissed off! so i have to work on that. but anyways the countdown is at 6 days for performance, and 6 for UIL. im gonna see if Jesus can come fer support :D haha well thats like it basicly.. haha

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" - James Dean *i thinkk*

And this doesnt get any easier.- Haley

And again, my life goes from bad to worse,

I just want to isolate myself from the world

so I'll never know any pain, I won't cry because

I have to wait, because it'll only be me. I won't

disappoint anyone, because it'll only be me to

disappoint. I hate my life. I hate the fact

that all I do is wait for Chaiya. But nothing ever

seems to be happening. I hate all this pressure

for TAKS. I hate the feeling that I'm waiting for

nothing. I'd rather be told he's never coming than

to wait for a freaking year. It'd hurt a little less.

It'd let me know that I don't have to constantly

remind myself that I'm waiting. It'd hurt a little

less to know that I'm not putting every physical

need on hold for a fucking year because It's just

so long. I hate my life.

three day weekends suckkk. -Brianna

Ususally... but this one was not too badd. i guess. Friday was really boring. i went to Walmart nd i got my mom a birthday gift nd did a little shopping for myself with the babysitting money i got two weeks ago. then i stayed with my Grandpa since my mom was at work. Saturday, i had plansd to go to the mall with Nilsa nd Lexi but my mom got sick and so she shipped me my sister and my brother out to Hutto. On our way back it was still a bit early but i had already cancled with Nilsa. i didnt feel like going out. i wanted to stay out. we decided to go to the movies, not the greatest idea considering i had to sit the whole time, talk about boringg. plus we watched Clash of the Titams, nd i dont undersand greek matholigy at all. But i admit, Saturday was the best day of my weekend. while at the movies i happened to run into my boyfriend. it was amazing. at first we could only talk considering i was with my family so to do anything else, would have been really weirdd. but during out movies, we were texting throughout the movies which i felt really bad about cause my phones super bright, and we met up once nd he scared me. he scared me... big time :) anyways so then i went home after the movie nd crashed. i was sooo tiredd. Sunday was *Duh* Easter. we didnt go to church, cause we were super busy getting ready to go to Hutto. my mom kinda ruined the day when she invited my sisters boyfriend and his family. not that i dont like him, but ive lost all respect for him. but his family's pretty cool. anyways so it was the three of them, the four of us, my grandparents, my godparents, and my godparents' friends. so over all there were 18 of us out there. me and my cousn Jesus hung out all day nd i had soo much fun with him. Jason called me and he talked to him for a little while so i got to text his girlfriend. which was fun. shes like really cool so officially, i aprove :) haha. he said we should double date one day. haha. last night at eleven, Jason texted me and told me not to fall asleep. problem? i was already asleep whe i got that text. i saw that he called me at midnight againn. i mean its really cute nd i like it.. but i wish hed call me when im awake so we can actually talkk... well off to go to young authors... have a good day... or week.. bye:)

Happy Easter -Nilsa

So, yay! It's Easter! Annnd I feel like a little whining brat.
You see, I've been asking for this Olympus Underwater Camera for eight months now. I was hoping I would be able to get it by May so that I could bring it on the Schlitterbahn trip. So, just imagine my surprise when I see these beautiful words outside my door after Easter morning: "Vivitar Underwater Camera!" We all hate Vivatar, but I just figured "Hey, it's okay, as longs as it's the underwater camera I've been waiting for!" I was super excited and went to go give my mom a good old fashioned hug. After this, I collected my old camera-card, my NEW CAMERA, my AAA batteries and a pair of shiny scissors.
The first thing I noticed when I opened it up was that it was made entirely of plastic. "It's okay, it's still underwater somehow." Lies. It come's with an underwater case... also plastic. It also had no place to put my memory card in. That's okay, it's underwater, and it takes like 150 pictures on it's own. Then I realized it was the first "digital" camera I have ever seen that has no LCD screen. I can't even SEE the pictures I take! Gah!!! I would have rather not gotten my hopes up with everyone thinking I would wake up with this beautiful creature waiting next to me. It's like if she said she would get me a puppy, and when she came home with it it had like one leg and was deaf, blind, and mute. I mean, I guess we have to take care of it but...?
I shoulda know. I mean, my mom has to be the best mom out there, but since I could walk I've been telling her to look at electronics before she just buys them. If the price looks too good to be true, it probably is.

I need my creativity. -Nilsa

Over the last few days, I've just been kinda dying to paint and to do other things of the like. I tried making nerdy glasses out of wire, I made the first four pages of a scrapbook, I wrote, I blogged, I cut up old pants. What now? Maybe I'll finally play my guitar, maybe I'll go ask my mom for a manikin and ad some bathing-suit matireal. There are so many things to do, but which one will I spend my life doing?
Okay, here's the plan: I will go to Amherst College at the age of 18. I will study towards a double-major. I will get my minor in Theater Arts. As for the major... I have two choices (as of right now). I have been planing on studying journalism, but now I think I might be happier being a theripist. A theripist for people with mental illnesses. The bad ones, as well as the ones that people just stigmatize and say "get over it" to. I like helping people. But do I like it more than writing? I don't want to be the person that trash talks on a national level for my job. So, instead I'm thinking of just being the person people vent to. I mean, I already am, right? Maybe I could try getting paid for it.

back to 'lifes a rollar coaster' -Breanna

Ooyy. i don tknow where to begin. this morning was amazing! but then fifth period rolled around and i started talking to Jewel. Shes so stupid sometimes! She opened her big mouth and told me she was confused on weather she should break up with her boyfriend, so mine can dump me, and they can go out, or if she should just stay with hers. umm obviously stay with yers! im soo pissed at her right now and theres no way in hell im ever talking to her again. two more months nd were done. shes going where ever nd im going to new techh. ughh im soo tired of hearing the same things every single day! "yer boyfriend was flirting with me" "yer boyfriend asked me out today" like. i really dont know if its all bull, or if hes the one feeding me lies. its soo difficult to know with the people in my grade. its annoying nd now im sooo ready fer high school weather Jason comes with me er not. i just really need everyone whos immiture nd stupid to get the eff out of my life.. =/

Its Only 2nd period -Breanna

and today is already amazing! finally!! it happened! He... Scared me ;) it was awesome... no words to describ it. i loved it. really i did. gahhh i cant believe it! it happened before first period, and on the way to class he had his arm around me the whollleee time :D then he walked me down to my second period, which made him late (: but the sacrifices you make fer love :) hahaa well im about to go to ravens nest *basicly third period but not really..* bye guys have an amazing dayy