Being at school all week, around people who hardly know me and probably couldn't care less, was really making me feel unimportant and insignificant. Somehow I feel like I lose myself a little in those hallways, like I just drift around, untied to a specific personality because somehow mine disappears every morning when I have to wake up at 5:30 for school. Starting at a new place could be a good thing, a chance to reinvent myself. Really, I could pretend to be anyone I wanted at LASA, there wouldn't be many people who would notice if I changed. For some reason, that's not appealing at all. It feels like a lie. I want to be able to improve myself, not start from scratch, alone.
So, I was feeling really lame, but this weekend has changed everything! Baking cookies with my best friend and getting back into our usual selves, where I am silly and ridiculous, and mess up the recipe and forget to wash my hands, and she is the one who laughs and makes fun of me and fixes the things that I ruin. Seeing a movie with my mom, where she makes inappropriate jokes and ours are the loudest laughs in the theater. Going to church where there are people who remember what I looked like when I was two. Rollerblading with Nilsa and Henry and laughing so much and generally just being amazing. Kayaking with Deborah and Erika and Julia while we tip each other over and decide that swimming in fish poop-infused water is way more fun than actually staying in the boat. Frozen yogurt at night, when everyone starts to get loud and feel beautiful and invincible under the darkening sky.
I really had an amazing day and I feel like I am growing back into myself. Maybe the actual school part won't always be the best, but this being in high school thing might turn out okay.
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