Losing People-Claudia

I haven't seen two of my best friends since school started. That's what, five weeks? Six? I get that we all have these completely separate, independent, new lives with new people and new interests.  I totally understand how busy everyone probably is. But what I don't understand is this: I go to a magnet school, play soccer, have parties and classes and babysitting and clubs and church stuff to do, but it doesn't matter. I always make time for my friends, because that's what's important to me. And every time they wait til Saturday morning to tell me oops, sorry I have this thing to go to, I can't make it to the movies, or the drag, or the frozen yogurt place, I feel like I'm the only one fighting for us to stay friends. I know how hard it is to keep up your friendships from other schools, I have so been there before, but I thought maybe this would be different. I know it would be, if they would make some kind of effort to even just maybe call me once in a while or, hell, even send me an email, instead of me always starting the IM conversations and making the weekend plans I know they're going to ditch at the last minute.

Even being told they don't have time for me and to stop calling would be preferable to this unsure almost game. I could stop bothering them and get back to my life if they would just tell me where we stand. I'm so used to losing friends. It's become kind of a routine almost. Sure I have a few best friends I've had since forever, but it seems like everyone else has come and gone in exactly the same way. We become friends, they suddenly get other, cooler friends and straddle two groups for a while, then they completely ditch me. To put it lamely and cliche-ly, t's like I'm a rung on the social ladder, like oh, you have to step on Claudia to get to the next level up.

A couple of years ago it was this girl. It was one of those crazy fast friendships where you spend some time gossiping in math class, you show up at one party together, and you're suddenly best friends who sleep on each other's floors all weekend and show up on Monday with matching newly red hair.
She was seriously probably the best friend I ever had. Not because we shared diaries and told each other our deepest secrets and cried together, cause that shit ain't real bro, but because we were both a little crazy and we made each other crazier and we pushed each other to this point where when I was around her I was this insane version of myself that I've never seen before or since. We snuck out, we went skinny dipping, we walked on the railroad tracks and climbed trains, we stole parking lot signs, we listened to screamo, we set off fireworks, explored in the creek, dyed our hair,  played spin the bottle, drank and wore eyeliner that dripped down our cheeks.

So in a way, when we just kind of fizzled out, I didn't just lose her, I lost me, too. At least, that insane me. And I miss that. It's amazing how many people I miss due to my own inability to let people know that I want them to stay. I guess that's why I'm trying so hard with my other friends, with this different high schools thing. We're making cupcake plans for Friday and maybe it will actually work out this time.