thoughts? - Brianna

On Tuesday martin and i broke up.
i hated it,
i couldnt even look at him when i said "its over"
yes, i broke up with him.
but not by choice.
its complicated but yeah.
today, on Wednesday,
two guys asked me out.
i mean jesus !
when did i get so hot ?!
nd like i know this sounds like a joke,
but its not.
i had my first boyfriend, a little less than a year ago,
nd now ive got more than one guy asking me out in a month !
like thats crazyy !!!
the first guy wasnt really asking me out
but he thought we were gonna go out after my break up
it was my friend Isaac.
like he keeps calling me beautiful,
and sending me random texts say "ILY(:"
like its weirddd.
the second guyy,
is one of my ex boyfriends.
Jason.
so first he wanted me to cheat on martin with him
now he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Baby doll i dont work like thatt.
i mean jesus how badly do you want me ?!
see okay.. this brings me to a thoughtt.
ive got guys asking me out a day after we break up,
and telling me they like me while im going out with someone,
but i dont ever second guess my feelings for martin
or at least i didnt.
and i mean even still !!
i know that i love him and for a while, thats not gonna change.
so why is it that every time a girl tells martin that she likes him,
he automatically likes them too, and doesnt know who to choose ?
its not fair to me.
but first of all, why is she telling my boyfriend at the time, that she liked him
when she knew we were together ?!
and some how in this whole thingg...
i feel like its my fault !
i hate it soo much.
i know i did nothing wrong,
but theres this thing inside me,
that makes me think
i coulve done something about it to not
make him think he likes her.
or not make him wonder if lauren likes him or nott.
get it ?
well yeah.. it makes perfect sense to me.
i guess im just taking this whole break up badly.
like we were a week away from our one month
ive never stayed a whole month with the same guy !
i feel soo pathetic when i say that
but then im with martin
nd i feel like we can last a really long time...
and then we dont.
i hate it.
i find a guy worth my time
but im not worth his i guess.
as i type this im litereally about
two feet away from martin..
nd it kills me that im not his girlfriend