Conversations... With the wrong person? - Lauren

Sorry to make a second post. This only just got to me.

Sometimes... When I talk to people like Nilsa or Montanna... we get into these really deep, or really personal conversations, about who we like, or family, or friends, or just things going on in out lives. Which is awesome, I love having those conversations. I think it's really important that we do, because I might go crazy without talking about some of that stuff. but... Sometimes I can't help feeling as if I were talking to the wrong person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want to talk to them or have the conversations, but... Aren't these conversations you're supposed to have with your best friend? I haven't had one of these with her Except about our problems with eachother for over a year, and real ones, that weren't affected by whatever weirdness she's going through and her cell phone ringing for texts every 30 seconds (She answered too) for far longer. I miss her, as she used to be. I miss US as WE used to be. She avoids talking to me sometimes because she can't deal with the drama. It's like she forgot that I'm not all drama, that there is a huge part of me that hates drama, and would LOVE to talk about other things, and an even bigger part that just loves her and wants to talk about ANYTHING with her, even if it's the weather. She's my best friend and my sister, but sometimes I really wonder how close we are anymore, and it breaks my heart because I really... I don't know what I would do without her, who I would be... When I promised Best Friends Forever, I meant it. I wonder sometimes if she did. I love her, and I know she has a lot of problems, but she won't tell me ANYTHING. I understand it's not in her nature to share everything, but she's always said I was the exception, and I was until recently. She won't even tell me when she's got a new girlfriend, or a broken heart, or is sick, or in the hospital, and all of those things happen a lot. I love my best friend, I need her, but it's like she's moved on without me, leaving me begging for her to come back, and she just Won't. She says she's here and won't go anywhere, but even when she's Here she's distant and evasive. And it really doesn't help that It's been over a year since I saw her. I was rather down on the fourth because All I could think about was being with her last fourth of july and seeing fireworks, and getting our faces painted, my mother took us but we ignored her for the most part. I just.... I miss her so much, and sometimes I wonder if I even cross her mind at all when I'm not bothering her constantly...