my second post today-B R I A N NA

so obviously there's a lot on my mind fer this to be my second post today.
things have gotten better since this morning,
and then not so much
Mia's home, and doing fine.
i mean she just lays next to me all day
its really cute she hasn't left my side all day..
until now.
but still.
The vet said she just needs rest
which is understandable
Bella makes her run around to muchh
ha.
My house has been pretty stressful lately..
or maybe its just me.
i feel like lately,
ive been getting yelled at more than usual,
for things that arent my fault
like
me and my mom just arent seeing eye to eye
not that we ever do
just lately its harder getting along
nd it sucks cause my brothers always in the middle of everything
he's 11 i hate giving him so much pressure
but its like hes the one i run to
i know i have Lexi, Nilsa, Shelby, Haley, and Mileena
behind me 100% but its just easier to go to my brother
and when i tell anyone else whats wrong with me
i feel like im asking fer their pity
like if i tell Isaac or Martin small things
like my dad, ive never gone into detail with either one of them,
about that
not that i dont want to, just simply
that i dont want them feeling bad for me
my girl friends i dont really mind because well..
its easier talking to girls
and i dun know.
i realized i dont tell guys about me.
i tel them simply whats on the surface..
such as, i love my brown eyes
but ive never told them that i had a SLIGHT pill
problem that ended as soon as i took the last one in the bottle
its just easier keeping it to myself and my girls
i mean i trust Martin with things like that
but i dun know i feel that if he knew things like that
about me, hed feel like he needs to take care of me,
and same with Isaac..
...
you know its funny.
both of them did the same thing when i brought up my dad once
isaac said "you know thats the first time ive heard you talk about him, whys that"
martin said "your dad, i have a question about him, why dont you talk about him?"
i love how niether of them asked, until i brought it up.
it made it kinda easier to tell them,
like now its because theyre curious
not because they want a sob story
make sense?
but anyways
so recently ive been debating weather to wait fer martin or not
nd just now,
that ive had time to let me think
and think about the things i miss
and how much he means to me
i know that im not gonna pass up the chance
to keep him in my life
weather it be as my boyfriend,
or simply just a best friend that i can go to
when i need to.
hes a great guy,
he has flaws and
he means so much to me.
like i said i dont even care if we jsut stay friends
ive realized that i dont need a boyfriend,
theyre nice to have,
but theyre not needed.
i mean duh ill do what ever it takes to be with him,
but i mean things happen fer a reason and hey,
ive learned my lesson :)
so point is,
I'll make an exception and wait.