The Dream I've Been Waiting For -Nilsa

I've probably mentioned it before. The dreams, I mean. For a few months after that one day in early October, I dreamt about IT every night. A lot of people probably wouldn't believe me if they heard me say this, but I really didn't like it at all. I hated it, actually. Especially since I was going to school with them at the time. It was like, I could not escape, ever. It felt weird because I thought about it all the time. Literally. Things got a lot worse because of my bringing it up a lot. The thing was that for me it didn't seem like I was because it was on my head so much more. I had the exact same schedule as C****. Other than M****, she was the main tormentor. I mean, N***** hurt me the most but at least, for the most part, she knew when to lay off. She really was just sick of me. And she wasn't a good friend. Like, my friends now, they help me when I'm sad, and I help them when they are. It works both ways, which I hope is something she figures out eventually. I had no classes without at least one of them (or maybe two...) and it just happened to be someone who liked to make a little game out of everything.
I spent all day with them, went home and thought about it (this was before I got close to my wonderful new friends) and then went to sleep and dreamt about it. I hate thinking about the fact that I was that messed up.
The dreams went on for what seemed like forever... maybe five or six months. They would either be about N***** yelling at me, which just sucked, or about her coming back, not apologizing, but just calling out of the blue and saying, "hey, let's hang out" These one's were even worse for the first couple months, because I would think it was real, but then wake up and see that my school life was just the same rotten mess it had been eight hours ago. After a while though, I just kind of got used to it I don't know what it meant psychologically, but I would wake up and not be particularly sad. I was just used to it, I figured. The "yelling ones started to get worse as the school year progressed. Over Thanksgiving break it reached a climax where I went on vacation and my mom had to wake me up in the middle of the night to get me to stop screaming. I was afraid to go to sleep for a while, but it never got that bad again.
Over the summer, and as I started to get closer to new friends, it started not being so consistent. Maybe once a week or so I would have a dream, but it wouldn't bother me as much as it used to. I knew that I was stronger, even in my sleep. There was a pattern with my dreams now though, and I didn't like it. Basically, I would be with a new friend, usually Brianna. N***** would come over, or call, and I would drop everything and run to be with her like a freaking Labrador retriever. I knew it was wrong every time. Sometimes I couldn't figure out why, sometimes I could but I just couldn't stop right now. In more recent dreams I started to tell her that I had to leave, that I had somewhere else to be, but she would simply tell me not to go and I would agree.
On the night of 8-10-10 it started off normally, I was at a place that was apparently my house and N***** showed up wanting to go bike riding. We rode around, I tried to keep up with her, we sat down and talked... the thing that always bothered me about these dreams was that I remembered what had happened, I just didn't take caution. Sub-conscience I was still willing to let her back in at any given time. After a while we went to a book store, and I took out my backpack. "Oh, wait!" I said "There's something I need to give you." I opened it and took out a decorated shoebox. It had something in it, which happened to be the present I got in real life for Brianna's birthday. I didn't register this though, all I could think about was handing it over and making her happy. Making her want to be my friend again. I still had that wrong feeling though, and all of a sudden my thinking went crazy and the uncomfort turned to searing anger, worse than I can even remember feeling before. I looked up at her. My eyes had angry tears in them, but not to the point where they would fall out. "You can't have this." I told her, the gears in my head turning. It all seemed so real. "This is Brianna's!" I said forcefully. She gave me a type of grin like, "we all know you're gonna hand it over to me." And she was almost teasing me, daring me to give it up. I shook my head at her, "This is Brianna's."
And the dream was over.
Ex-friend free dreams for two nights.