Birthdays-Claudia

It's totally typical and predictable, but holidays were always the worst when I was growing up, with my parents still together. Instead of the media-created myth of holiday cheer, I mostly remember stress, crying, and screaming! Oh yeah, funtimes.

My dad's birthday was today and it was pretty spiffy. We all saw a movie, made breakfast together, went to see my grown up half brother, and ate cake at Whole Foods. It was a good birthday, except that my dad had to pay for everything himself and didn't even get any presents from his kids because my mom refused to drive us to buy my dad anything. It was the same way on Father's Day. I understand that she does this because she doesn't want my dad getting the wrong idea, but I wish she could look at driving us to a store as something she would be doing for us instead of him.

For Mother's Day and her birthday, my dad took us all out to shmancy restaurants and bought everything we picked out for her. I know he does this because he still wants them to be married, and it makes me really sad to see him trying so hard and knowing that there's nothing he could do for that to happen. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my parents to get back together, let's just say they were not the happiest couple on earth, but I do want my dad to move on and be happy, which he seems to really not want for himself.

Anyway, I felt bad about the whole no-presents thing, and it made me wonder, which way is the better approach? Trying to get back with your ex-wife with dinner and presents and endless phone calls, or not helping your kids if it's actually helping they're dad? I wish my parents could find some happy medium, stay uninvolved, but do something to help us stay involved, because we're a part of both people's lives, whether they like it or not.