Happy - Lauren

Wow…. SO I haven’t posted on here since March 8^th. That’s insane.

So much has changed in those two months…

I am very proud to say that I am actually happy.

I spent so long with nothing in my life that made me truly happy, and now I have it.

Chamber is amazing; we’re finally like our own little family. I love it, and being in Acapella, I really am a Choir kid at heart :) I auditioned for a spring show solo today; I think it went well actually, I’m nervous. ><;;  Our spring show (And my last concert) is on Tuesday… I’m going to cry my eyes out, I’m so sad it’s over…

I’m graduating in three weeks. That’s some scary shit. I know I have to take at least a year off to work because I have to start from Zero. I’m supposedly moving out after Christmas, I was going to move out in July but plans fell through….

I am no longer friends with Montanna. We got into an Enormous fight, I started it because I was pissed off that I found out she and mike are engaged, after she swore to me they were broken up, and that I found out through Courtney because she didn’t have the guts to tell me. She turned it on me and accused me of spreading rumors and said all sorts of nasty shit about me. She apologized over Facebook after the fight, but I told her that I accepted the apology and apologized as well, but some of the stuff she said really hurt me and we’d have to work on that whole trust thing, and she never even bothered to respond. So I’m done. She was here one day because she and Jim still hang out, but it was really awkward. We were nice and all, but I know now that someone who can so easily believe those things about me probably isn’t someone I need to be spending all that much time with. I’m pretty comfortable with it, I mean… I wish it didn’t have to be like this but after someone breaks my trust it’s really hard to get it back again…

But I AM probably moving in with Shea, Rowan, and Dylan. :) I’m totally happy with that, I think the four of us would work really well together ^^

Shea and Jenny aren’t speaking, for real this time. Jenny brought Shea’s ex to prom, and Shea flipped. It was the last straw; they’d been at each other for weeks. Shea kicked her out.

Kira and I are talking again. We’re actually vaguely friends again ^^;; I didn’t think that would happen, but in light of more recent real fights I realized the reasons I wasn’t friends with her for were silly. I mean, they were more important at the time, but it’s been so long… And really, there wasn’t any reason to be mad anymore. She’s changed too, she matured. She found someone she’s actually really happy with and he’s a great guy and its done wonders for her :) She, JB (her bf), Shea and I went to prom together; It was a lot of fun once we got past Jenny screaming her head off at Shea in the middle of it. ><;;

John and I are on four months this coming Tuesday; He makes me so happy it’s not even funny. <3 It feels so much longer than that, but it’s only been four months… I really do love him. ;) I’m slowly getting over all the issues that built up in me over the past 18 years of being single and thinking I wasn’t worth anything… I’m getting past it, and every day that goes by I get better and better at believing that I am. Better and better at being happy.

I haven’t talked to Sam much, but we’re making some progress. I’ve decided to (at least on Fb) call her Spaz, because I just get so confused with Sam/Spencer/He/She, and her Fb name is Spencer ‘Spaz’ Sanders. P: So, I’m really trying to accommodate what Spaz wants. I’ve recently realized that it’s kindof like Spaz is the Brother I don’t talk to very often. Shea is my best friend, and I am hers as she recently told me, and I am completely happy with that. I wish I talked to Sam a little more, but as I get happier I get better at accepting things in my life I can’t really change.

I’m writing a book. It is really sad, but I’m honestly loving it. I got it from a dream I had, and I’m just working on writing it out. I’m a good 15 typed pages in, and I’ve written the end already.  It’ll take work, but I have time :)

So, I am happy. I still have problems, but it just seems so much easier to deal with them now.

I’m just….. Happy. :)

Conflicted... - Lauren

So, the guy whom I liked is moving back. I'm really excited from a friend point of view, I missed him, but from another point of view I am entirely conflicted... I am not sure as of yet if I still like him, but I know I like him more than a good portion of my male friends. For a while a big thing in my mind against dating him was the whole religious thing, but we actually had a religious talk the other day, and his views aren't as weird as I thought they would be, and he was more okay with me being an atheist than I thought he would be. But... there still lies the one remaining hurdle that puts me off a little. Anytime I talk about my best friend he kind of clams up. My Lesbian best friend. And I talk about her an awful lot. I really don't know how to feel... but with the talks we've been having I hope that I can eventually get to the root and find out why, because maybe then it can be changed to where he can at least be vaguely comfortable with it. That, and he doesn't date anymore than I do, and I've been told why Montanna thinks that is, but I want to find out from him. I hope I can, because I do like him, and even if not for me, I'd like to be able to help him for the future...
But I suppose I want to help me too..? I just haven't figured out the best way to do that yet...

$$$-Brianna

Moneys tight
especially now with my dad not paying child support.
but i dunt just mean
not going out to eat
buying only what we need
and
not using the AC so much.
i mean TIGHT.
like my moms thinking about moving in with my grandparents.
a 3 bedroom house,
for 6 people.
i dunt think so.
so now shes thinking about moving to Hutto..
HUTTO !!!!
the ranch is five minutes from Hutto High school...
i dunt wanna leave new tech
as much as i hate where i live,
id rather live there then hutto !!
and shes not even taking time to think about it !
like my grnadpa was talking about moving in this weekend !!
i mean i loved when i lived with my grandparents when we first moved to Texas,
but i was 8.
me and my sister got along
and i didnt enjoy loud music.
blahhh :/
ughh
i hate this.
i dont wanna leave that house.
ive been there fer 5 years in december..
i dont wanna leave it
i mean i do but into a nicer and bigger house.
not into the one were gonna go to..
i just hate how everythings....
changing...
just like i said it was gonna in my last post :/
i just thought itd be people and friendships changing,
not my life.
but i know i have to keep my head high,
think positive,
and know everything will work out fer the best..

Same Ole Same Ole- Brianna(:

Everythings...
Okay.
like
theres nothing to freak out about...
anymore.
like
how after the storm,
the waves are calm
the sky is blue
everything,
is better
in some way
does that make sense ?
like last week was NOT my week
at all
but so far this week isnt bad at all
i mean im trying to talk my mom into moving,
my sisters always making homemade cookies,
my singing voice is getting better (i thinkk)
and me and martin...
me and martin..
thats a problem
there is no me and martin
and its weird.
like when were on the phone,
or texting,
or when im simply just thinking about him
i forget that we broke up.
thats never happened with any other of my ex's
Like the way we act towards each other,
the things we tell one another,
its things youd tell your best friend,
and then more.
and its not just me.
he says he forgets sometimes too
for example
we were on the phone
2 nights ago,
and we were joking around about him tutoring me
he was like "yeah ill give yer mom my resume,
ill be like
'yeah hm i can tutor your daughter Brianna Sanchez
...ha uhh i mean Miller"
(not putting my real last name, or his xD)
so see,
he fergets too
and it sucks to think that like
even though we want to,
or at least I want to,
we cant.
i always say follow yer gut instinct
but theres always certain times when you should just
listen to yer heart
or head
and go with the flow..
you know lately i feel like..
like hes gonna make up his mind.
like Since Sunday morning
we havent had a single conversation about Lexi
that doesnt mean hes thinking about her,
it just...
i dont know what it means
but like its cool to know that our conversations are gonna be
funny
or boring
or the FUN
instead about how he feels about my best friend.
not that its a bad thing when he tells me
cause i mean im always gonna be there fer him no matter what
its just,
its hard giving him advice because the advice i would tell someone else
would sound like i just want him to ferget about her, move on,
and ask me back out,
when really, i dun care about that
i just want him doing whats best fer him
and what makes him happy.
weather it be me,
or waiting around fer lexi.
see back to us acting as if we didnt break up,
a few nights ago we were on the phone
and listening to music
he said i have two songs
There Goes My Baby- Usher
and
Your Love- Nikkie minaj
and i gave him one
Trouble- Nevershoutnever
i couldve thought of a better one but thats the first one i saw nd was like
yeah totally fer him
anyways
then he said OUR song is
got your back t.i ft keri hilson
makes sense.
because we do have each others back,
no matter what happens.
so i might move
into the real Manor
not where i live now.
and i found two houses that i like that are in
guess whos neighborhood ?
Martins.
i showed the one i like the most to my mom
she said she liked it
but that we cant move right now.
not cool.
i have my reasons fer wanting to move
and yet she doesnt get it
like she told me to make sure its okay with everyone...
its okay with everyone (minus her)
she said make sure itll be better than it is here
its better than it is here!!!
like the house itself
is bigger.
theres two parks.
and then a huge one like 5 minutes away
theres a dollar general like right next to the entrance to the neighborhood
its two stories,
and its cheaper than this house.
i mean you gotta lose money to make money right ?
i guess...
its just the Same Ole Same Ole in my lifee..
************
:)Brianna(:

"Listen to your heart, before you tell him goodbye"

Bittersweet - Lauren

It's always sad when a friend leaves. I have a friend who's moving to Florida in a few days, and yesterday was probably the last day the three of us will hang out. See, we like to go on adventures. We went to Barton Springs then adventured around Austin. It was really fun. =D But, it's bittersweet. I'm really going to miss these when he moves. Montanna and I have to find a new third who can drive us around, but it won't be the same. I'm gonna miss him. =( He's coming back to visit in December, but still. I hate that anytime I get close to someone new they tend to just leave. >> It's sad, and it sucks.

On another note... Almost Potter Camp! =D