Summer of 2011- Brianna(:

This summer has been going so smoothly!
I adore every minute of it!
There's only two days i don't go out,
Wednesdays and Thursdays. reasons why?
Wednesday i have TCSO so i don't go out just to save my energy for that
and Thursdays cause Ive got practice
(yes we practice all summer long! insane? a bit)
like okay here's my map out of last week.
starting with Friday:
I went to the Domain with Shelby(:
Saturday: Karaoke and went to spend the night at Shelbys house
Sunday: Spent the night again at shelbys house
Monday: i went home and went out with my family (:
Tuesday: I went to the Domain again :D
Wednesday: i had tsco
Thursday: i have practice tonight
Friday: i have a date x)
Saturday: i have another date and Karaoke :D
that's just one week x)
anyways there's 9 weeks left of summer,
a little less but you know rounding off(:
i might be going to Vegas next month, not sure, but i might :D
Im less then sure,
but there's a chance ill be going to South Padre Island in August(:
Like i mean it sounds like everything's all peachy, but there's of course things that have made me upset, but i have to over look them.
like Oscar and i were close again for a while, and then he just stopped texting me.
what did i do?
i deleted his number.
im not playing anymore,
and he is, so when he grows up maybe he'll have another chance.
I've also promised myself im not gonna date anyone until November,
just so that i can get settled into the new school year, and the crazy schedule.
Like Ive got band practice in the morning, and we might have after school practice as well, then Ive got robotics.
and this up coming summer, im doing summer school to get ahead, and ACC classes to get extra credits.
Did i mention my new life goal?
Early graduation, and early acceptance, full scholarship to UCLA.
For what? im not sure. but that's my goal.
Anyways, this summer im getting my
"Certificate of age"
so i can start working soon.
Oh, next summer, im also taking driving lessons (:
so that's whats up with my life.
Summer band starts in July. July 13th to be exact.
13th-15th
then 22nd-23rd
and then
two weeks before school starts,
and then daily x)
im excited.
i saw our costumes.
we got a new instructor.
new members.
new equipment.
and apperently everyone grew money trees.
Our payment, just for the marching season is almost $400
Im so scared to see what it'll look like for Winter guard!
So this year, i got 10 credits and my GPA so far is a 3.8
Im really proud of myself.
Couls you imagine me graduating at 16?
im already graduating at 17, so already a year ahead,
I'd start college at 16.
i mean id only be 16 for a month but stiiilllll.
Its a bit exciting.
Anyways so im gonna go enjoy this day before i start getting ready for practiceee
Enjoy your summer my dears(:

I feel Weird... - Lauren

John and I are Five months on Tuesday.
Five  months. That's a long time, especially for me.
He's my first real boyfriend, and the first person to ever tell me he loves me.

Because of the fact that I had to wait until I was nearly -18- years old before this happened, I developed some issues. I didn't hate myself. but I didn't really think I was worth anything.
And because of -that- I had some terrible self-image issues and due to -that- I had... Intimacy issues. 
Well I've broken that. I broke through my issues and finally was able to open up and stop hating on myself, I finally understand that I -am- worth something to at least one someone, and so today...
Well lemme show you the message I sent to Sam and Shea after the fact.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

• 

  6 hours ago

  Lauren Nystul

  • Soooo...
    I was hanging out with John today, he was over to help me clean up and deal with shit, and I figure the both of you might kill me if I didn't tell you when my first time was, sooooo there's that. ^////^;; He ran to go get us lunch so I'm sending this. But dad just got home so I'm hitting send and making it go away now!
    
    Love yas!
    
    Please no murder. ♥
• 

  6 hours ago

  Spencer 'Spaz' Sanders

  • Not exactly how I thought you'd lose your viriginity but fair enough! Hope you used protection~ ♥ And noworries, I wont murder you... Not yet. >>
• 

  6 hours ago

  Shea Kilgannon

  • :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
    
    You're too cute.
    My little girl is growing up so fast. :'D
    ♥
• 

  5 hours ago

  Lauren Nystul

  • You've thought about it? ^^;; And yes, of course I did. P: Yet? D: Is there a reason you're going to murder me? O.O
    
    Ooooomigod shea. XD So many smileys ^^;;
• 

  5 hours ago

  Spencer 'Spaz' Sanders

  • Well, I just knew you to be so conservative and what not. Plus with your last relationship with dog face.... I dunno, it was just sort of a surprise for me I guess. *shrugs* And good girl. Least you use your brain unlike your brother.
• 

  5 hours ago

  Lauren Nystul

  • I know. I didn't want to for a long time, but come tuesday we'll have been together five months... >///<;;
    Well Dog face and I never did anything, John was my first kiss. You know that. P: I'm finally completely over him and everything that happened. :3
    This whole thing is still a surprise to me, I'm still working on the whole believing someone else can like me like that thing, but... he really does love me. ♥ And I love him. ^/////^
    
    And you know me, I'm all brains. The boy one... not so much ^^;;
• 

  5 hours ago

  Spencer 'Spaz' Sanders

  • Indeed. Well, I'm glad you used your head hun. I hope you and him can go the distance. And ps, dog face lost something good.
• 

  2 hours ago

  Lauren Nystul

  • Thanks hun. ♥
    He did, didn't he...
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    So yeah. There's that. ^^;;
    And this is titled I feel Weird because I do kind of, but not like I expected. 
    I think i worked myself up for it to be this huge deal, and it really wasn't. 
    I just feel kindof dazed, and sleepy. Lol. 
    Though... somehow I do feel a bit different, I guess because of Sam's reaction to my being so conservative, I was. really bad. and I've loosened up a lot, so I guess I'm letting go of that conservative tight person who hates shorts and tank tops and swearing and showing skin... I'm loosening up, and calming down. It feels nice, I don't think I realized how tightly I was wound. 
    But... It's weird. I'm losing who I was for so long... It's not bad, I don't think, but it is definitely... Weird.

BEST ever :D - Lauren

When I get all stressed, music is absolutely my best stress reliever.

It's even better when no one's home and I can blast my music at obnoxious volumes and sing at the top of my lungs until my voice breaks

Today I even added in dancing around like a complete idiot.

I feel great. :D

My very last Spring Show - Lauren

I had my very last choir concert last night. It was a terribly sad ordeal. The concert went awesomely, we fumbled a little on the words or timing, but all in all it wasn't so bad. I had a lot of fun. When it let out I greeted my family, then went to talk to all the remaining choir kids. I gave Chris, Jd, and Sara like five minute hugs, Then found John and gave him a super hug, and he had been standing with Zz and JB, and Zz was crying her eyes out, and she wasn't even in the concert. I had been fighting crying for the last like ten minutes, and so we hugged and cried together.
Afterwards the four of us (Zz and I along with respective boyfriends) went to McDonald's for ice cream, and hung out there till like eleven playing cards. XD Zz and I got into a French Fry fight, and john and JB tried to stop us without really succeeding. XD It was so much fun.
Despite all Kira and I have been through I couldn't think of a better person to end my Choir concert with, She was my first choir friend and she introduced me to like all of my friends, and just... Despite all of our terrible fights, we're pretty much okay now, I'm really glad we're friends again, I missed all the stupidness we get into. :) Like trying to get french fries down each others shirts. Ya know... if someone is trying to throw french fries down your shirt, don't block, because then you end up squishing the french fries against your chest and it's really fricking nasty. XD
I'm really sad it's over, this year seems like it went by so fast, We have our picnic this saturday then.... That's it. TT-TT
But despite how sad I am now, I'm SO glad I got to do it, Chamber and Acap have been amazing, and I'm so glad for the opportunity. <3

Happy - Lauren

Wow…. SO I haven’t posted on here since March 8^th. That’s insane.

So much has changed in those two months…

I am very proud to say that I am actually happy.

I spent so long with nothing in my life that made me truly happy, and now I have it.

Chamber is amazing; we’re finally like our own little family. I love it, and being in Acapella, I really am a Choir kid at heart :) I auditioned for a spring show solo today; I think it went well actually, I’m nervous. ><;;  Our spring show (And my last concert) is on Tuesday… I’m going to cry my eyes out, I’m so sad it’s over…

I’m graduating in three weeks. That’s some scary shit. I know I have to take at least a year off to work because I have to start from Zero. I’m supposedly moving out after Christmas, I was going to move out in July but plans fell through….

I am no longer friends with Montanna. We got into an Enormous fight, I started it because I was pissed off that I found out she and mike are engaged, after she swore to me they were broken up, and that I found out through Courtney because she didn’t have the guts to tell me. She turned it on me and accused me of spreading rumors and said all sorts of nasty shit about me. She apologized over Facebook after the fight, but I told her that I accepted the apology and apologized as well, but some of the stuff she said really hurt me and we’d have to work on that whole trust thing, and she never even bothered to respond. So I’m done. She was here one day because she and Jim still hang out, but it was really awkward. We were nice and all, but I know now that someone who can so easily believe those things about me probably isn’t someone I need to be spending all that much time with. I’m pretty comfortable with it, I mean… I wish it didn’t have to be like this but after someone breaks my trust it’s really hard to get it back again…

But I AM probably moving in with Shea, Rowan, and Dylan. :) I’m totally happy with that, I think the four of us would work really well together ^^

Shea and Jenny aren’t speaking, for real this time. Jenny brought Shea’s ex to prom, and Shea flipped. It was the last straw; they’d been at each other for weeks. Shea kicked her out.

Kira and I are talking again. We’re actually vaguely friends again ^^;; I didn’t think that would happen, but in light of more recent real fights I realized the reasons I wasn’t friends with her for were silly. I mean, they were more important at the time, but it’s been so long… And really, there wasn’t any reason to be mad anymore. She’s changed too, she matured. She found someone she’s actually really happy with and he’s a great guy and its done wonders for her :) She, JB (her bf), Shea and I went to prom together; It was a lot of fun once we got past Jenny screaming her head off at Shea in the middle of it. ><;;

John and I are on four months this coming Tuesday; He makes me so happy it’s not even funny. <3 It feels so much longer than that, but it’s only been four months… I really do love him. ;) I’m slowly getting over all the issues that built up in me over the past 18 years of being single and thinking I wasn’t worth anything… I’m getting past it, and every day that goes by I get better and better at believing that I am. Better and better at being happy.

I haven’t talked to Sam much, but we’re making some progress. I’ve decided to (at least on Fb) call her Spaz, because I just get so confused with Sam/Spencer/He/She, and her Fb name is Spencer ‘Spaz’ Sanders. P: So, I’m really trying to accommodate what Spaz wants. I’ve recently realized that it’s kindof like Spaz is the Brother I don’t talk to very often. Shea is my best friend, and I am hers as she recently told me, and I am completely happy with that. I wish I talked to Sam a little more, but as I get happier I get better at accepting things in my life I can’t really change.

I’m writing a book. It is really sad, but I’m honestly loving it. I got it from a dream I had, and I’m just working on writing it out. I’m a good 15 typed pages in, and I’ve written the end already.  It’ll take work, but I have time :)

So, I am happy. I still have problems, but it just seems so much easier to deal with them now.

I’m just….. Happy. :)

Im Setteling- brianna

i perfer guys who ask me out in person
but im setteling for him, who asked over FB
I love it when guys hold my hand
but im setteling for him, who hardly makes eye contact
I love it when guys wrap their arms around my waist,
but im setteling for him, and his arm around my shoulder.
I like a guy to smile at me randomly,
but im setteling for him, and his lack of eye contact (YES I STATE THAT AGAIN!)
I perfer holding actual conversations with guys i have relationships with
but im setteling for him, and his lack of communication.
I prefer guys who can make me smile,
and make me happy,
and give me butterflies
and make me feel special
and like im a princess
or even better, a queen.
But im setteling for him, because he likes me.
I perfer guys who get good grades,
who dont make me look stupid
or too smart
but im setteling for him and his lack of work.
I like guys who just hug me, just because they can.
but im setteling for him and his lack of affection.
I love guys who make me happy.
but im setteling for him and his lack of... joy.
My friend Jesus asked me out, and i said yes.
its late in the year and its pointless to have a relationship so late,
but ive been single for so long, i think this will help me appreciate it.
I doubt we're gonna last,
but i mean why not right?
i told him i dont want anything serious and i dont.
We've been going out one day and i already dont feel happy.
he doesnt make an effort to hang out with me.
i have to go with him and his friends,
where i feel totally out of place.
and where i feel like just a peice of arm candy.
im not happy,
but im setteling.

Wow.

So its been just about a month since anyone has posted here.
isnt it crazy how fast time goes?
well a lot has gone down to.
a lot of pointless drama i can hardly remember but its high school
what else should i expet right?(:
Well i'll tell you the major things that have happened
1. color guard got third place in states(:
2. Oscar has stopped texting me
3. i finally got my dress(:
4. Ive matured..(:
so One, we went to states on April 2nd. it was such a stressful morning.
i forgot my earings, so my mom had to go back home get them go back down to Huston, then give them to me,
once i got them they fell and broke
i had to use eyelash glue to fix them,
then right before we went on to preform i remembered that i forgot one of our probs. luckily Will went to go get it
so obviously, i had a bad feeling about the show right?
I stated crying in the middle of it, and at the end of it, and at the end of it, almost everyone on the team was.
it was crazy.
when awards came no one cared about the scores, we knew we did our best and we couldnt take it back or redo it. we placed third with almost a point sperating us and the other two teams.
it was crazy. Its by far without a doubt one of the most amazing memories of the year.
TWOOOO:
Sadly, it sucks a lot. Since Mardi Gras a lot has been going on at home and with family. and so it sucks that thats around the time that things started to majorly change for us. You know like when i needed a shoulder to lean on the most, hes gone. But i know things happen for a reason and so whatever the reason is here, its whatever. I just hope he doesnt expect it to be like nothing ever happened when he comes into high school. Like i dont want him to be all "brianna, my best friend" when hes not being a best friend to me you know? But im not gonna lie, it sucks a lot when the only person who knows whats happening and the only person you want to talk to about it, doesnt wanna talk about anything at all.
THREE: My birthdays coming up in about five months, and i finally got my dress(: today. its pretty but its not like "the perfect dress" or anything. its what mom "could afford" so im not all that happy but its okay. its still pretty. either way its gonna be a fun party regardless of the dress. i hope.
FOURRR: Wow. im such a different person that i was a year ago.
just about a year ago, exaclly a year and 6 days ago, we had UIL for our one act play. and i was soo in love with Jesus. I remember i lost my phone last year this time. i remember Melissa told me jason and Kathy were FWB. I was dating Jason this time last year. Oh gosh i was a mess this time last year. this time last year Nilsa, Cesi, and i were all suuuuper close. this time last year i knew who i could trust and who i couldnt. this time last year i HATED going home, i would always stay after school. This time last year i was so different its soo crazy how much changes. Like in some ways im the same insecure little girl who would do anything for attention, but in other ways i look back and think "wow, what a big ass mistake that was" but even things from like Feb. i regret doing. things with Oscar, things with Martin, Seth, Marcos. Gosh i loved 2010. the only thing i would change is the guys i dated. every single one except for... Jesus(: i think hes gonna be the only guy i dont regret dating. except like the gy i date who turns into my husband. but that wont happen for a while :P Like hes the only guy i dont regret doing thins with like dating, and our first kiss together? it was so great. Like even now, im smiling thinking about everything we did. Christmas break 2009-2010 when he called me every day and i got super excited for it. When he would kiss my cheek and id get these butterflies. How heartbroken i was back in Oct. when he kissed me then told me he had a girlfriend. Oh gosh i cried from that moment, to Monday morning. it was insane, i guess you never turely get over your first love. Now i havent had a relationship in 8 months as of 29th of this month. Damn school started 8 months ago today, we only h ave 6 weeks of school left and yet i feel like i havent done anything. TAKS is next week,color guard recurtment starts the first week of may, the week after that we're going on our band trip, and then after that theres only three weeks left! damn man, i really need to start taking care of my childhood. like actually allowing myself to have one. you know? make plans, like bowling, mall, movies, park, apap. (: ill start on that now :P