This Person- Brianna

so high school...
im a fishy.
niner
freshmen
fresh meat
whatever you wanna call me.
the school im going to is hard,
but fun.
im in color guard,
so im pretty busy.
i know a lot of people at my school.
and i have every single class with my boyfriend.
so why am i complaining ?
what is it about this year,
that makes me feel like everythings gonna change.
and yes, i do mean EVERYTHING.
so ive known this person fer about 4 years now.
this person is alright if you get to know them.
this person can be really.. bitchy,
and this year *already*
im noticing that she can be a little...
not slutty,
but like.. idunno
theres a word that i used a million times last night,
that starts with a T
and its kinda like slut,
but not as bad.
like Skank..
only it started with a T..
but anyways. yeah.
so This person is pretty nice, smart, and junk.
but this person is friggin stupid.
and it makes me feel like this person is gonna make me repeat a lesson i shouldve already learned with someone else.
and if i have to repeat this lesson...
then its the last straw.
and never again will i repeat this lesson...
at least not with this person.
soo... thats about all thats on my mind.
sorry if this doesnt make any sense but ..
im not naming any names,
at least not here.

Bothered - Lauren

You know, I've never much liked the part of me that when someone says something or something occurs to me... It just, Sticks, in my mind. It won't go away, it comes up when I'm thinking about other things, My brain creates weird daydreams of what could happen in that situation, every feeling I could naturally have on the person or situation, It's just frustrating and confusing when I can't think of anything else.

I've always been like that, always focused (So much so it's hard to sleep), always thinking, always fixated. Dad thinks I just sit around, but really I'm always engaged, always thinking, always puzzling or mulling things over in my head like the impossible rubix cube in my head that no amounts of logarithms can solve. He thinks I'm Lazy and contented to sit around and do nothing, but honestly... when I'm actually being lazy is when he's got the TV on and I'm watching because there's nothing else to do! I like Anime, and School, and books... Because they get me out of my head, let me stop THINKING for a little while. Dad knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and is a genius at figuring people out, but the one thing I ever really tried to hide from him he never guessed, and he doesn't realize how much I WISH sometimes I could just relax and space out. But no, I can't space out, I get so Frelling BORED. Because my brain Doesn't. Ever. Shut. Up. I can't sleep, I can't do anything else... I just think and do mindless crafts like knitting that allow me to get something done while I think. I tend to knit and watch anime while I think, so that I can stay busy, content, and not bored.

I hate summer.
It's so much easier to get bored when I'm home for three months.

The other problem, I Always -always- over-analyze things.
I watch a movie, and unless I try really hard I'm thinking out different paths it can go and how the movie will end, who will end up with who... I love surprises, I love to be swept away in it, so usually I try to turn it off. But... Then dad says 'don't jump to conclusions, you have to analyze and really THINK about the movie' but I'm trying hard not to most of the time, I just want to watch it and learn it's lesson. But I always try to find the moral of the story, I dislike movies without a real moral or lesson to tell you.
Someone tells me someone likes me, or they like someone, two friends are going out, or anything like that, I obsess over it, I watch the people, I think about it, I try to work it out in my head. I try to figure out (if it's someone else) If I like the person they've chosen, if I think they match, on and on my brain whirrs. If I'm told someone likes me (Which I have been twice, once They were right but he moved, the second I dunno if I believe yet) I can't stop thinking about that person, if I like them, if we have fun together, how long we can talk without getting bored, how much we have in common, why they would like me (I have long-dormant issues that have made me believe that no one could really like me... Long story...), and if it's the first one, Who they could be and what my reaction could be depending on who it was. Someone *CoughNilsaCough* Brings up people when she's trying to set me up, and I think about it... A LOT. Cuz again, brain doesn't shut up.

But you know... for all I complain, I am who I am, and I wouldn't change anything about me for the world. That's who I am, and either I'll do something about it myself, or it will stay that way. I'm smart, I think a LOT. It's who I am. Frustrating as it can be, I'm comfortable with that