Look. You say that the shit that happens in my life is unimportant, and if on ly i had the perspective to see that, and in 6 months i won't even remember what it was, and Your problems are so much worse because they are big adult problems... You don't even know half of what I'm dealing with.
Maybe I get so wound up in the drama because there is so much more than you think there is, and it's far less stupid Shit than you think it is.
Maybe I get so upset because (and I'll start small here) The people I thought I was done with are back, and wanting more, and while I know I can't give into them, It hurts to know that I am the one who ended things, who had to give up. I never wanted to be that person, and it stings to know that those people made me be that person. I hate them all the more for it, and I never wanted to hate... Love was always the center of my life, but apperantly I don't get that either.
Maybe the reason I have so much trouble ignoring the three of them is because I really did care about them as friends, especially Amanda, and the betrayal hurt all the more.
Maybe I feel like a piece of shit for ignoring Amanda's pleas for me to talk to her despite everything she's done to me and those around me and all the lies is because I never actually told her why I was ignoring her, why i was so pissed off, why i couldn't even stand to look at her anymore. Maybe i feel like crap because I never wanted to be that girl. I really... really didn't.
Maybe it's because You keep teasing me about how I need to get a boyfriend, and you actually didn't believe me when I said (after you'd asked) no one had ever asked me out or even told me they liked me. It really doesn't help. It's like you think I don't care, like it doesn't bother me that everyone gets to be in love but me, and No one even seems vaguely interested. Sure, I'm comfortable being single, doesn't mean I like being teased about how I don't have a boyfriend! It most certainly doesn't help.
Maybe it's because I live with three males, who are always angsting, My brother is an angsty emo shit who is going to get himself into loads of trouble, and I can do nothing to stop him, and my best friend made me promise to stop meddling. My uncle is a hermit who is usually in a rank mood and hates people. My dad is always stressed about money, life, health, being alone, my mother, my brother, my uncle, work, sleep, everything...
Maybe it's because my dad manages to make me feel like everything is my fault. I want to go to the mall tomorrow with some friends from camp, and that means (because though i tried, I have no alternative ride) he has to wake up at 6:30 to take my uncle to work on his day off so that he has control of the one car we have so he can take me, but he has sleep apnea so he doesn't get enough sleep and it exhausts him to wake up that early, and It's my fault i wanted to do anything, then when conflict arises it's my fault I can't even be happy at he fact that he's making himself miserable so i can go to the mall and goof off, and Then it's my fault this can't turn into a positive conversation, now it's going to end badly. It's always my fault.
Maybe it's because my brother is getting himself into all sorts of shit. He's trying to get back with his Off-her-rocker Ex, instead of the really sweet SANE girl he's with now who made him stop cutting... as opposed to the other, who drinks other people's blood.
Maybe it's because I haven't seen my best friend in over a year now, even though I recently found out she's only 8 hours away...
Maybe it's because my best friend hardly speaks to me and when she does it's not for long.
Maybe it's because My best friend hasn't been my best friend since she moved on 4/7/08, and I can't come to terms with that because I love her more than I've ever loved anything, she's my sister and my other half, and the fact that she doesn't talk to me and has changed so much kills me. She's let hate take her over, let pain and suffering and woe become her new best friends, and she doesn't have time for the old one.
Maybe it's because my best friend is Always sick or injured, and is in and out of the hospital like it's nothing, and i never even know, and if i do it's nt till after if she decides it's important enough to tell me.
Maybe it's because every time i talk to me best friend, even if we're fighting, i have to end the conversation with how much i love her and miss her and want to see her, because I'm terrified above all else that she's going to get sick, or hurt, and be in the hospital, and I won't know until... it's too late... Or she'll go under for surgery and never come back out. It scares the shit out of me, and I could never live with myself if the last thing I were to say to her was about how angry i was. if the last conversation we had wasn't about how much i love her. if she died and doubted me at all.
Or maybe it's the fact that even more than that... I'm terrified that if i end a conversation on a note that seems like I don't care about her, she'll... lose the will to live. She'll stop fighting the next sickness, she won't move as fast as she could out of the way of that car, she.. will try to stop her own life because I wasn't there to save her.
Maybe the reason I get so defensive about my photos and am so adamant about taking so many is because I'm terrified of losing those I care about. Even just losing memories about them. Maybe the reason i get into fights with marlena about the photos of herself from Sam's goodbye party two and a half years ago that she hates is because that was the last time my best friend was my best friend, and now that she's edited out it's like a big black spot on my memory. And she can say it's not, but it is.
Maybe it's the fact that I can't tell you any of this because somehow you always manage to make me feel worse about it for feeling bad about it in the first place. because you'll just tell me i need new friends and i need to not let it get to me. because you'll tell me that i won't know any of these people after high school anyways.
Maybe THAT is the reason I just spent an hour in the shower, and only the last ten minutes in there showering. Maybe THAT is the reason I spent the other 45 minutes sitting on the rug crying my eyes out staring at the blue hair-dye hand print that Sam left on the inside of the bathroom cabinet that she my brother and I all signed, the last time she was my best friend, who I love and will always keep deep in my heart, instead of this callous un-emotional, depressing girl she's turned into.
I don't know how to deal with all of this. I can normally do ok, but everything's stacking up again and miraculously after not bothering me for weeks my back hurts and my shoulder muscles are hard as rocks again, The tension is murder, I don't know how to live like this. I've got to do something, but I don't know what...
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Not Again... - Lauren
And now, to top it off, I got a message from Amanda. It's like... I have great days for a while, then all of a sudden everything happens in one day. >.>
Just watch though, tomorrow it'll be Anysa with my luck. >:/
Cuz it's the three people I haven't spoken to and had no plan to, and honestly I don't think I can forgive despite how hard it is for me to be angry and reject them trying to be friends... I honestly don't know that I can forget what they did. Kira and I didn't even think of being 'friends' for a year and The reason we stopped didn't even involve me, but my best friend. I just... I wish I could be friends with them again. I do. But...
But I just... I look at Amanda and I remember a 'friend' who left me alone in the forest to go screw my brother. A 'friend' who has fed me lies almost since we met. A 'friend' who stole my best friend away to another room when me and Audrey slept to drink each others blood.
I look at Lyn and I see the angry violent person she uses to cover the deep, sweet girl inside. The one she refuses to let anyone see. I see the one who dated and threw away guys who may've loved her like they were nothing. I see the girl who stole my brother away for doing god knows what while I slept, and I woke up to find them sleeping on my floor cuddled up together. I see the girl Who I practically didn't exist to while she was with my brother.
I look at Anysa and I see feigned pregnancies, I see lies and cheating, I see Marcus's text after he found out about Jim and Anysa while they were dating. I see her and Amanda making out in the hallway. I just...
I don't think I can get past that... I really don't.
I don't want to be the one to give up on people... I really don't. That's the last one I wanted to be. But these aren't healthy people, and being around them causes me so much pain and stress. I'm just now feeling well, I don't need their shit too... I just can't do it... >.>
But i'll get through it, I always do. I'm just frustrated, I'll be fine in the end.It just sucks for now.
Just watch though, tomorrow it'll be Anysa with my luck. >:/
Cuz it's the three people I haven't spoken to and had no plan to, and honestly I don't think I can forgive despite how hard it is for me to be angry and reject them trying to be friends... I honestly don't know that I can forget what they did. Kira and I didn't even think of being 'friends' for a year and The reason we stopped didn't even involve me, but my best friend. I just... I wish I could be friends with them again. I do. But...
But I just... I look at Amanda and I remember a 'friend' who left me alone in the forest to go screw my brother. A 'friend' who has fed me lies almost since we met. A 'friend' who stole my best friend away to another room when me and Audrey slept to drink each others blood.
I look at Lyn and I see the angry violent person she uses to cover the deep, sweet girl inside. The one she refuses to let anyone see. I see the one who dated and threw away guys who may've loved her like they were nothing. I see the girl who stole my brother away for doing god knows what while I slept, and I woke up to find them sleeping on my floor cuddled up together. I see the girl Who I practically didn't exist to while she was with my brother.
I look at Anysa and I see feigned pregnancies, I see lies and cheating, I see Marcus's text after he found out about Jim and Anysa while they were dating. I see her and Amanda making out in the hallway. I just...
I don't think I can get past that... I really don't.
I don't want to be the one to give up on people... I really don't. That's the last one I wanted to be. But these aren't healthy people, and being around them causes me so much pain and stress. I'm just now feeling well, I don't need their shit too... I just can't do it... >.>
But i'll get through it, I always do. I'm just frustrated, I'll be fine in the end.It just sucks for now.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Drama Llama strikes again... - Lauren
School doesn't even start for another two weeks and the Drama Llama is already back.
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...
I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....
I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...
I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....
I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(
Friday, August 6, 2010
Nothing Much - Lauren
I've not got too much to say, I've been bored out of my mind waiting for school to start. =/
I've just read and watched the first 4 in the Harry Potter series, after finishing the first two eragon books and my summer reading for school. As I've been so bored, I've fallen into my old habit of reading incessantly, and I wonder why I stopped. I guess I ran out of things to read. =/ But It's back now. I've hardly put a book down all week! I made it through three harry potter books just yesterday. The problem is... With the rate I'm reading I'll have read my entire book collection before school starts (well... not really, but almost. O.o) ... ><
Other than reading and taking walks in the morning before it gets too hot the only thing I've been doing is thinking. A lot. My dad joked today that I wasn't very cuddly, and he said "Fine, if you aren't gonna be cuddly you've got to get a boyfriend, because I want Grandkids. Now." I know he's joking, but he's only vaguely joking about the finding a boyfriend thing. It comes up too often to just be a joke. And if it is... It's not very funny.
It's like people just think I'm weird for never having a boyfriend, they think I'm out of touch, or Honestly I've been called a lesbian, though I took little heed from it as my best friend is, so the only insult there is that they thought it was one. But.... It bothers me. As though I LIKE being the only one of my friend group never to have been asked out (I can't say without a boyfriend, Another friend hasn't... But She was asked out by a senior last year and another group friend confesses his love to her everyday in his own weird way, honestly I think while they both oddly resist it now... I think they may end up together one day. He's already infiltrated our group during school, he comes with on our formerly all girl Pizza days, he hangs out with us in the mornings, even when we abandon the group for quieter surroundings...We're stuck with him whether we like it or not - I don't mind most of the time, but sometimes i'd just like a bit of time away from guys with just my friends. ><). I most sincerely do not... I have indeed wondered if there's just something wrong with me, or if I was just that distasteful, or just that not pretty, I mean... When I hang out with the pretty girls in our group who date EVERYONE, it's kinda hard not to wonder these things occasionally.
It's a little sad to watch one of our numbers.... We used to be really close, nearly best friends (if we didn't have existing ones) then there was... Drama we couldn't pass and we didn't talk for about 6 months. Eventually we re-opened communication at school because it was REALLY awkward to be walking with The two of my friends and I lined up with our mutual friend in the middle, both of us involved in the same conversation with one, but completely ignoring each other. But she's... Losing touch. She was this adorable, perky, vaguely geeky in a cute way, tiny little thing that everyone loved, you were hard-pressed to find someone in our group that disliked her. She brought friends together, she welcomed new people to our group, clearly the leader. Now... She's never really worked for what she had looks-wide. Now she's gaining a bit of weight, getting visible cavities, wearing shorter skirts and more revealing shirts, not showering so her hair becomes this greasy, stringy cap on her head, she's not trying, but still expects everyone to love and follow her, when she's had falling outs with most of us at one time or another, when we talk to her again she seems to think that we've completely forgiven and forgotten her wrong-doings without her even admitting there were wrong-doings, she's become spoiled, and is sadly going to find out that things don't just... Happen. You've got to work for them if you've any real desire to make it happen. She can't expect every guy to fall for her, but of course... When you're easy people do anyway. I know that's awful to say, but... It's true.
But, sadly, WAY off topic. =/
I just... I get tired of feeling like I've failed.
I know I haven't... Not really. But... Some people just make me feel that way.
But you know honestly the only thing that keeps most of this at bay most of the time?
A certain someone we all know who brought us all here and her incessant efforts to Fix it.
She's decided it's her job, and sticks to it like a dog on a scent trail.
It gives me hope that my generation doesn't all suck.
And that some people really do still care.
Makes me feel like I can still try.
That there's no reason to give up hope just yet.
Plus she succeeded in something I didn't know was possible.
She brought out my Girly side and released the butterflies, and is determined to make me blush as much as humanly possible by bringing up a certain person at every opportunity.
Maybe there's hope for me yet. ;)
~~I can't set my hopes to high... Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye.
I've just read and watched the first 4 in the Harry Potter series, after finishing the first two eragon books and my summer reading for school. As I've been so bored, I've fallen into my old habit of reading incessantly, and I wonder why I stopped. I guess I ran out of things to read. =/ But It's back now. I've hardly put a book down all week! I made it through three harry potter books just yesterday. The problem is... With the rate I'm reading I'll have read my entire book collection before school starts (well... not really, but almost. O.o) ... ><
Other than reading and taking walks in the morning before it gets too hot the only thing I've been doing is thinking. A lot. My dad joked today that I wasn't very cuddly, and he said "Fine, if you aren't gonna be cuddly you've got to get a boyfriend, because I want Grandkids. Now." I know he's joking, but he's only vaguely joking about the finding a boyfriend thing. It comes up too often to just be a joke. And if it is... It's not very funny.
It's like people just think I'm weird for never having a boyfriend, they think I'm out of touch, or Honestly I've been called a lesbian, though I took little heed from it as my best friend is, so the only insult there is that they thought it was one. But.... It bothers me. As though I LIKE being the only one of my friend group never to have been asked out (I can't say without a boyfriend, Another friend hasn't... But She was asked out by a senior last year and another group friend confesses his love to her everyday in his own weird way, honestly I think while they both oddly resist it now... I think they may end up together one day. He's already infiltrated our group during school, he comes with on our formerly all girl Pizza days, he hangs out with us in the mornings, even when we abandon the group for quieter surroundings...We're stuck with him whether we like it or not - I don't mind most of the time, but sometimes i'd just like a bit of time away from guys with just my friends. ><). I most sincerely do not... I have indeed wondered if there's just something wrong with me, or if I was just that distasteful, or just that not pretty, I mean... When I hang out with the pretty girls in our group who date EVERYONE, it's kinda hard not to wonder these things occasionally.
It's a little sad to watch one of our numbers.... We used to be really close, nearly best friends (if we didn't have existing ones) then there was... Drama we couldn't pass and we didn't talk for about 6 months. Eventually we re-opened communication at school because it was REALLY awkward to be walking with The two of my friends and I lined up with our mutual friend in the middle, both of us involved in the same conversation with one, but completely ignoring each other. But she's... Losing touch. She was this adorable, perky, vaguely geeky in a cute way, tiny little thing that everyone loved, you were hard-pressed to find someone in our group that disliked her. She brought friends together, she welcomed new people to our group, clearly the leader. Now... She's never really worked for what she had looks-wide. Now she's gaining a bit of weight, getting visible cavities, wearing shorter skirts and more revealing shirts, not showering so her hair becomes this greasy, stringy cap on her head, she's not trying, but still expects everyone to love and follow her, when she's had falling outs with most of us at one time or another, when we talk to her again she seems to think that we've completely forgiven and forgotten her wrong-doings without her even admitting there were wrong-doings, she's become spoiled, and is sadly going to find out that things don't just... Happen. You've got to work for them if you've any real desire to make it happen. She can't expect every guy to fall for her, but of course... When you're easy people do anyway. I know that's awful to say, but... It's true.
But, sadly, WAY off topic. =/
I just... I get tired of feeling like I've failed.
I know I haven't... Not really. But... Some people just make me feel that way.
But you know honestly the only thing that keeps most of this at bay most of the time?
A certain someone we all know who brought us all here and her incessant efforts to Fix it.
She's decided it's her job, and sticks to it like a dog on a scent trail.
It gives me hope that my generation doesn't all suck.
And that some people really do still care.
Makes me feel like I can still try.
That there's no reason to give up hope just yet.
Plus she succeeded in something I didn't know was possible.
She brought out my Girly side and released the butterflies, and is determined to make me blush as much as humanly possible by bringing up a certain person at every opportunity.
Maybe there's hope for me yet. ;)
~~I can't set my hopes to high... Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Weird... O.o - Lauren
I'm sitting in my room listening to the people in the other room rant about my mother. Dan dropped by to say Hi, so the boys (Dad, uncle bryan, Jim (brother), and Dan) are catching up, and that involves a lot of the same conversations about my mother. The funny part is, I've had very similar exchanges with a few people, including Nilsa. What brings this up, is that the mother I haven't seen since September who didn't even bother to tell me she was getting re-married joined facebook and friended some of my dad's friends, so of course he saw her wedding picture on there, and he's been all weird about it since. But ya know. Same ol, Same ol. The only thing that really bugs me is that I have a lot of stuff set to friends and networks, and we have some mutual friends, so she's part of networks. It creeps me out to think of her going through all my photos and statuses. It's not below her, she's showed up at my choir concerts without warning and then snuck back out again without a word at the end. It's bizzare.
On another note... I went to the pool with my friend yesterday, I was on facebook chat and I just got a chat from him saying he wanted to go to the pool, and didn't like going public places alone cuz it seems sad, so I went swimming with him, and the moment I said I was going out Dad and Jim were both like where're you going who're you going with etc etc, which was fine until they both decided to ask favors. Dad wanted a ride to the store cuz our car is in the shop, and Jim wanted to go with us cuz Brandon wouldn't take him to the pool. I told dad I didn't really want to ask him favors, and when I resignedly said Jim wanted to go he said No. XD It was pretty funny. But dad, after I asked about Jim and he was begging me to make him let Jim go, Dad just said "Jim... A cute boy asked Lauren to go to the pool with him, we'll hang out, it'll be fine." I denied, He's got a girlfriend, and JIm was like "Yeah, he's not her type anyways." I was like... Whaaat? I have a type? and if I did, how the hellz would you know about it? But yeah. So we went to the pool, we hung out, I discovered that it is possible to cut yourself with half a foam football, it was fun. ^_^ Then he took me home, we wandered around my house for a bit, he didn't really want to return home cuz he's grounded, his parents let him go to the pool cuz it's exercise. But he left eventually, and when he did dad muted his game, looked over at me, and was like. "Lauren, I'm not saying he's an awful person who would cheat on his girlfriend or anything, but... He likes you. At least, that's the signals he's giving off." and he rambled a bit, I went back to my room, took a shower, and damn him but I couldn't stop thinking about it. X.X I dunno how that works, He has a girlfriend, he liked another friend of ours, but that didn't work out, they are both pretty, skinny, tan, not really at all like me. =P I dunno, stupid mental block that won't believe anything like that. Happened last time too. Montanna got all mad at me. =/ But yeah. So I dunno what's going on or if dad's right, but it's a nice thought I suppose. Also, he left his key in my bag, and still has yet to come back and get it. P=
Well... That's my update for ya. I'm really bored sitting here at home, but OMG I can't wait for Potter Camp. *heart* this should be so fun. =3 i'm really excited for it, I'm staying at Nilsa's, a week out of thr house with somebody so awesome is gonna be great. XD I love my family... But living with three very high-strung guys get a liiiiiittle crazy and grating sometimes. V.V But hey. Week and a half!
I'm out!
~~Lauren~~
On another note... I went to the pool with my friend yesterday, I was on facebook chat and I just got a chat from him saying he wanted to go to the pool, and didn't like going public places alone cuz it seems sad, so I went swimming with him, and the moment I said I was going out Dad and Jim were both like where're you going who're you going with etc etc, which was fine until they both decided to ask favors. Dad wanted a ride to the store cuz our car is in the shop, and Jim wanted to go with us cuz Brandon wouldn't take him to the pool. I told dad I didn't really want to ask him favors, and when I resignedly said Jim wanted to go he said No. XD It was pretty funny. But dad, after I asked about Jim and he was begging me to make him let Jim go, Dad just said "Jim... A cute boy asked Lauren to go to the pool with him, we'll hang out, it'll be fine." I denied, He's got a girlfriend, and JIm was like "Yeah, he's not her type anyways." I was like... Whaaat? I have a type? and if I did, how the hellz would you know about it? But yeah. So we went to the pool, we hung out, I discovered that it is possible to cut yourself with half a foam football, it was fun. ^_^ Then he took me home, we wandered around my house for a bit, he didn't really want to return home cuz he's grounded, his parents let him go to the pool cuz it's exercise. But he left eventually, and when he did dad muted his game, looked over at me, and was like. "Lauren, I'm not saying he's an awful person who would cheat on his girlfriend or anything, but... He likes you. At least, that's the signals he's giving off." and he rambled a bit, I went back to my room, took a shower, and damn him but I couldn't stop thinking about it. X.X I dunno how that works, He has a girlfriend, he liked another friend of ours, but that didn't work out, they are both pretty, skinny, tan, not really at all like me. =P I dunno, stupid mental block that won't believe anything like that. Happened last time too. Montanna got all mad at me. =/ But yeah. So I dunno what's going on or if dad's right, but it's a nice thought I suppose. Also, he left his key in my bag, and still has yet to come back and get it. P=
Well... That's my update for ya. I'm really bored sitting here at home, but OMG I can't wait for Potter Camp. *heart* this should be so fun. =3 i'm really excited for it, I'm staying at Nilsa's, a week out of thr house with somebody so awesome is gonna be great. XD I love my family... But living with three very high-strung guys get a liiiiiittle crazy and grating sometimes. V.V But hey. Week and a half!
I'm out!
~~Lauren~~
Saturday, April 10, 2010
I realize I like Closure -Nilsa
Thanks to Brianna, I've realized this about myself.
Out of all of them, the only one who refuses to say hi to me, laugh at a joke I make in class or say 'excuse me' when she needs to walk by is HER. "Someone #1." It's pretty darn ironic.
The thing is, I hate just having to see her every day, not knowing how she feels or whats really happened.
Basically, what I've been thinking lately is that I just want to talk to her. I mean, now that everything has calmed down. I want to professionally, politely, and kindly talk about what has happened and share our sides of the stroy. No yelling, no blaming, and no crying (no promises for that last one on my part). It has to be face-to-face. I just really need this to happen. I need this to end in a healthy manner. It's been almost seven months since I recieved that horrible text; enough time for me to get all new friends but not enough time for the pain to cese in any way, shape or form. It's just been long enough for me to learn to deal with it. I'm almost at peace with myself... almost. But I need to do this. I just need the OK first.
Out of all of them, the only one who refuses to say hi to me, laugh at a joke I make in class or say 'excuse me' when she needs to walk by is HER. "Someone #1." It's pretty darn ironic.
The thing is, I hate just having to see her every day, not knowing how she feels or whats really happened.
Basically, what I've been thinking lately is that I just want to talk to her. I mean, now that everything has calmed down. I want to professionally, politely, and kindly talk about what has happened and share our sides of the stroy. No yelling, no blaming, and no crying (no promises for that last one on my part). It has to be face-to-face. I just really need this to happen. I need this to end in a healthy manner. It's been almost seven months since I recieved that horrible text; enough time for me to get all new friends but not enough time for the pain to cese in any way, shape or form. It's just been long enough for me to learn to deal with it. I'm almost at peace with myself... almost. But I need to do this. I just need the OK first.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
ARRGAHHH! -Nilsa
I should be happy, I really should. I feel like a cry-baby (minus the tears). I have a great boyfriend, awesome new friends and pretty much the best mom I could ask for. But still... just... ARRGAHHH! Today, I kinda broke down in my mind, and had to work so hard to control myself. We got back from UIL with horrible scores, then I found out rehersals was canceled, THEN I had to go to track, and that-one-thing-that-is-my-biggest-secret-ever was bothering me. Meanwhile, I was thinking wayyyy too much about things that were going on, and for some reason, my eyes started watering up. It's my normal daily routine! So, what, am I just gonna compleatly snap every couple months or so from now on because of the stress. Dude, I need a punching bag. I REALLY don't want a tumor to evolve from this.
In other news, I presented my amazing Macbeth parody to the class. Unfortunitly, my old friends were jealous and yelled the entire time about how it wasn't as good is theirs. Well then, why don't they go find theirs?! At least I'm respectful of them. I got tons of complements later, and random people coming up to me saying, "I heard your macbeth project was amazing!" Too bad most of the people in my class weren't strong enough to laugh as much as they wanted to.
In other news, I presented my amazing Macbeth parody to the class. Unfortunitly, my old friends were jealous and yelled the entire time about how it wasn't as good is theirs. Well then, why don't they go find theirs?! At least I'm respectful of them. I got tons of complements later, and random people coming up to me saying, "I heard your macbeth project was amazing!" Too bad most of the people in my class weren't strong enough to laugh as much as they wanted to.
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