My First Kiss... I feel like such a girl - Lauren

So uh... Guess what happened to me last night. Yeah. That's right. Somebody kissed me.
I was at the scare brainstorm meeting early, so I was sitting alone and reading, and as people showed up John came over and joined me, saying I looked lonely. I was reading and thinking about my last post, so I wasn't really up for too much company, but I welcomed his, he's always nice to hang out with. We talked for a while till the meeting was just about to start, then we got up, wandered a bit, then sat down again. The moment I sat down I was flanked by Charity and Montanna - they smooshed in against my sides and said I looked lonely. John considered for a moment, then took off his jacket and laid it against my legs which were folded against me, and used them as a back rest. I felt completely trapped and squashed - but not in a bad way. I felt loved. ^_^

So after a while of meeting Jarrett called a 5 minute break, which lasted more like 15, and we all got up, stretched, and walked around some. During this time Rowan grabbed my hand and pulled me into the hallway. She asked me if I liked John, and when I responded after a moment of thought that I didn't know she told me that she was pretty sure he liked me. I got all embarrassed and shook my head; I didn't really believe it and just kind of wrote it off. When we went to sit back down Montanna took up her seat, but John stole Charity's on my side, and after some failed convincing John to move she took his on my knees. We kept talking in whispers through some boring presentations by some less than fascinating characters, so we had to be close otherwise we wouldn't hear each other. Then.... Out of the blue he just leaned over and kissed me.
I was totally caught by surprise, and didn't really react, but when he pulled away with this really worried look in his eye I smiled really shyly because inside I was flipping out in what seemed like slow motion and scooted a little, then laid my head on his shoulder. He kind of muttered something under his breath and when I asked him what he said he did the whole "I didn't say anything" thing, and when I finally got him to tell me he looked all embarrassed and said I was really pretty - and when I was all embarrassed and said thank you, he kissed me again. This time I kissed him back. It was really nice... not exactly what I expected. I never expected my first kiss to be squashed under Charity and up against Montanna, I never expected it to be him, I never expected it to happen in a scare meeting hiding in the corner, I honestly had no idea what to expect about what it felt like... but it was definitely worth it.
When we pulled away he took my hand in his and gave me this really cute shy smile, and we settled in to watch the rest of the rather strange presentation.
We pretty much spent the rest of the time hanging out together, holding hands with the occasional stolen kiss or my head on his shoulder, kind of bouncing from group to group once it was over and everyone was wandering and hanging out. At one point when we weren't holding hands and Charity apparently just noticed things she dragged me aside and asked me if I liked him (To which I responded I think I did), because he had a huge crush on me, she could tell, and told me that she was pretty sure he was about as shy as I was and if I didn't ask him out she was going to tell him for me. I'm not sure how she managed to miss everything that was going on considering she was lying on my knees when it happened; I guess she was really focused. but yeah... We kept trying to escape his parents so they wouldn't make him leave, it was amusing. Rowan at one point ran up and glomped onto both of us announcing that we were "soooo cute!" and dashed off again, my brother just kind of reacted like... Oh now? What is this? ^_^;; Dork.
But yeah. I feel awesome. My tummy is all full of butterflies and my face is way too hot, but this was exactly what I needed to pull me out of the rut I had been in. I feel so much better about life... And I feel kind of ridiculous for it, but I do.
He wants me to go to Jarrett's overnight Paintball extravaganza birthday party... thing. It's on Jarrett's parent's ranch and everybody from scare was invited. I really want to go. I don't play paintball, but plenty of people go to watch. ^///^
Even if nothing comes of this I'm glad it happened... at the very least I know someone was interested in me enough to try. Which I didn't believe before now would ever happen.
He didn't exactly ask me out... but I'm honestly hoping he will. I do think I like him, despite thinking I'd never like someone shorter than me, I guess I proved myself wrong. ^///^
So thank you John Ilger.
And I like you too. :)

Nothing Much - Lauren

I've not got too much to say, I've been bored out of my mind waiting for school to start. =/

I've just read and watched the first 4 in the Harry Potter series, after finishing the first two eragon books and my summer reading for school. As I've been so bored, I've fallen into my old habit of reading incessantly, and I wonder why I stopped. I guess I ran out of things to read. =/ But It's back now. I've hardly put a book down all week! I made it through three harry potter books just yesterday. The problem is... With the rate I'm reading I'll have read my entire book collection before school starts (well... not really, but almost. O.o) ... ><

Other than reading and taking walks in the morning before it gets too hot the only thing I've been doing is thinking. A lot. My dad joked today that I wasn't very cuddly, and he said "Fine, if you aren't gonna be cuddly you've got to get a boyfriend, because I want Grandkids. Now." I know he's joking, but he's only vaguely joking about the finding a boyfriend thing. It comes up too often to just be a joke. And if it is... It's not very funny.
It's like people just think I'm weird for never having a boyfriend, they think I'm out of touch, or Honestly I've been called a lesbian, though I took little heed from it as my best friend is, so the only insult there is that they thought it was one. But.... It bothers me. As though I LIKE being the only one of my friend group never to have been asked out (I can't say without a boyfriend, Another friend hasn't... But She was asked out by a senior last year and another group friend confesses his love to her everyday in his own weird way, honestly I think while they both oddly resist it now... I think they may end up together one day. He's already infiltrated our group during school, he comes with on our formerly all girl Pizza days, he hangs out with us in the mornings, even when we abandon the group for quieter surroundings...We're stuck with him whether we like it or not - I don't mind most of the time, but sometimes i'd just like a bit of time away from guys with just my friends. ><). I most sincerely do not... I have indeed wondered if there's just something wrong with me, or if I was just that distasteful, or just that not pretty, I mean... When I hang out with the pretty girls in our group who date EVERYONE, it's kinda hard not to wonder these things occasionally.
It's a little sad to watch one of our numbers.... We used to be really close, nearly best friends (if we didn't have existing ones) then there was... Drama we couldn't pass and we didn't talk for about 6 months. Eventually we re-opened communication at school because it was REALLY awkward to be walking with The two of my friends and I lined up with our mutual friend in the middle, both of us involved in the same conversation with one, but completely ignoring each other. But she's... Losing touch. She was this adorable, perky, vaguely geeky in a cute way, tiny little thing that everyone loved, you were hard-pressed to find someone in our group that disliked her. She brought friends together, she welcomed new people to our group, clearly the leader. Now... She's never really worked for what she had looks-wide. Now she's gaining a bit of weight, getting visible cavities, wearing shorter skirts and more revealing shirts, not showering so her hair becomes this greasy, stringy cap on her head, she's not trying, but still expects everyone to love and follow her, when she's had falling outs with most of us at one time or another, when we talk to her again she seems to think that we've completely forgiven and forgotten her wrong-doings without her even admitting there were wrong-doings, she's become spoiled, and is sadly going to find out that things don't just... Happen. You've got to work for them if you've any real desire to make it happen. She can't expect every guy to fall for her, but of course... When you're easy people do anyway. I know that's awful to say, but... It's true.
But, sadly, WAY off topic. =/
I just... I get tired of feeling like I've failed.
I know I haven't... Not really. But... Some people just make me feel that way.

But you know honestly the only thing that keeps most of this at bay most of the time?
A certain someone we all know who brought us all here and her incessant efforts to Fix it.
She's decided it's her job, and sticks to it like a dog on a scent trail.
It gives me hope that my generation doesn't all suck.
And that some people really do still care.
Makes me feel like I can still try.
That there's no reason to give up hope just yet.
Plus she succeeded in something I didn't know was possible.
She brought out my Girly side and released the butterflies, and is determined to make me blush as much as humanly possible by bringing up a certain person at every opportunity.
Maybe there's hope for me yet. ;)

~~I can't set my hopes to high... Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye.