And in addition to all that I spent a good portion of today the ass end of my brother's antics... He left home at like 6:20 this morning, I assumed to walk to his 7:45 choir rehearsal at school, but apparently he didn't bother to go to that. then when I was in chamber second period Dr. Fish pulled me aside and told me about this talk he had with my brother, about how he could be awesome if he put his mind to it, and Fish would love to move him up, but he needs to be eligible and isn't... And all that crap. then third period after lunch Miss Jones called me aside and asked me where my brother has been, to which i responded "he hasn't been here...?" apparently he's been skipping his PE class. Awesome. She emailed my dad. He's not home yet but I am not looking forward to all the bitching that's going to happen when he does.... THEN on top of that fun fun day at school I come home and get a text from Jim on a friend's phone saying he's going to a party with Johnny and isn't going home, though i was pretty much under the impression that he was going to an amp-guard meeting today, and when I asked he said He didn't have a ride. Right as I received that text his ride showed up. Doc and Sianne were supposed to take him to the meet, which he apparently forgot. I handed Doc the Phone and he called Jim, and basically gave him the WTF Dude speech, and Jim ditched. He just decided he wasn't coming back. >< Doc was less than pleased about driving down from south austin to get him. Sianne decided she didn't feel like going, so she and Doc dragged me out of my house to go get dinner, we went to schlotzskys and had pizza, good times were had, but oaiyeofrhslkdfsiotoerzsdklfclkshj I wanna strangle my brother sometimes. >< Well... A lot of the time. He's dating MJ, who I don't mind so much as a person, but she's super loud and super dramatic and always has to be the center of attention, If you turned her dial down from 100 to maybe 30 then I think I could like her, but opefhasijd she's so ridiculous. >< Dad was less than pleased about that too. I dislike a lot of his new emo friends. I just... they are so ridiculous and bad for him. He smokes alll the freakin time now. :/ it's obonxious. I just kinda can't stand him when he's like this... I hate it, but it's true.
On a plus side, I was worried I just didn't like James (one of the guys from scare who Montanna rather likes) and I discovered that when he's not around my brother he's a lot more mellow and a much cooler person, and the dirty jokes are far less often and far less obnoxious, when my brother isn't around. I am very glad I like him, I was worried I didn't, and Montanna really does. >< But yeah, I do. :)
Showing posts with label brother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brother. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Melancholy... Part Two - Lauren
Here's part two of my weird mood. I have brother issues. I do. For several different reasons.
ONE. He's kindof a man whore. He flirts and is hit on by every girl (and some guys) in the room, he loves the attention and is always all over them, he has only been broken up with his girlfriend a week and he already has girls lined up doe eyed and pretty begging for his attention. And I loved this girlfriend. She was actually good for him, she made him stop cutting, and his reason for dumping her? She was saying I love you and he wasn't sure he was ready to say it yet, but was anyway, so he couldn't lie anymore, and dumped her. It's Freaking ridiculous. his current main interest (from what we can tell) is a ridiculous girl from scare I can't stand - she's an attention whore and a drama head, and will start shit left and right and I want nothing to do with her.
TWO. He's going down all the wrong paths in his life and people are encouraging him. He's Bi because it's popular and the 'emo' thing to do. He's embracing the sulky dark asshole side of himself that we hate, (He actually refused to do a little favor for dad yesterday because - and I quote - "I'm just an asshole.") and doing things he really shouldn't. I love my brother, but I can't stand him. He won't put his phone down, and when we were putting up the Christmas tree i felt bad that he was all grumpy and wouldn't put his phone down long enough to help me, I told him as such, and he didn't give a shit. I love the holidays, people are happier and nicer, except everyone seems to be going through so much shit this year... I feel like I'm losing my Christmas spirit. Instead of looking at the tree and feeling happy or excited, I look at it and want to cry. I try my damnedest to be there and help people, and keep them happy, and it all seems to amount to nothing. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit about anyone else. It makes me feel like giving up. I don't ask for anything hard, I don't ask to be recognized for all the SHIT I do for my friends and the people I care about, no matter how nice that would be, I don't ask for everyone to love me or to all get along, I just want people to try. Try to be Happy. Try to get along. Try to be decent to each other and (more importantly in a lot of ways) themselves. No one wants to try, and I'm getting seriously tired of pushing.
THREE. I kind of have issues spending time with him, for different reasons than you might think. I go to hang out with my friends, and they always ask where he is, why didn't I bring him, etc. etc. I love that my friends love my brother, but I feel like when he's around... no one even looks twice at me. he's so much more... aggressive in a way with people than i am. he makes people listen to him. I'm quieter. I like people to choose to care about what I say. But the problem is... They don't. I try to participate in a discussion in a group of people and I am always talked over and ignored. No one thinks twice that I might have things to say or that I might want to be heard. but I do. I really do. I feel like my friends would all pick my brother over me in a heartbeat and wouldn't think twice that I might be hurt by it. Plus certain friends are encouraging him down paths I really would like them to NOT encourage him down. giving him a cigarette and then apologizing to me when I couldn't be there anymore and had to wait in the car because "I know where he is in his life and I sympathize" really doesn't cut it. The only way to sympathize with him is to drug him? I don't understand how that is supposed to help him. No one cares how I feel about anything. I hid in the car from the cigarette smoke and the fact that my brother was one of the three producing it, and so they follow me to the car and smoke right next to me. Don't you think there was a reason I was in the car? I wanted away from this shit. I just... I feel like the world around me is going to shit and I don't want to live like this anymore. But I don't have a choice.
I don't know what to do anymore... I need help, but don't know where to look.
ONE. He's kindof a man whore. He flirts and is hit on by every girl (and some guys) in the room, he loves the attention and is always all over them, he has only been broken up with his girlfriend a week and he already has girls lined up doe eyed and pretty begging for his attention. And I loved this girlfriend. She was actually good for him, she made him stop cutting, and his reason for dumping her? She was saying I love you and he wasn't sure he was ready to say it yet, but was anyway, so he couldn't lie anymore, and dumped her. It's Freaking ridiculous. his current main interest (from what we can tell) is a ridiculous girl from scare I can't stand - she's an attention whore and a drama head, and will start shit left and right and I want nothing to do with her.
TWO. He's going down all the wrong paths in his life and people are encouraging him. He's Bi because it's popular and the 'emo' thing to do. He's embracing the sulky dark asshole side of himself that we hate, (He actually refused to do a little favor for dad yesterday because - and I quote - "I'm just an asshole.") and doing things he really shouldn't. I love my brother, but I can't stand him. He won't put his phone down, and when we were putting up the Christmas tree i felt bad that he was all grumpy and wouldn't put his phone down long enough to help me, I told him as such, and he didn't give a shit. I love the holidays, people are happier and nicer, except everyone seems to be going through so much shit this year... I feel like I'm losing my Christmas spirit. Instead of looking at the tree and feeling happy or excited, I look at it and want to cry. I try my damnedest to be there and help people, and keep them happy, and it all seems to amount to nothing. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit about anyone else. It makes me feel like giving up. I don't ask for anything hard, I don't ask to be recognized for all the SHIT I do for my friends and the people I care about, no matter how nice that would be, I don't ask for everyone to love me or to all get along, I just want people to try. Try to be Happy. Try to get along. Try to be decent to each other and (more importantly in a lot of ways) themselves. No one wants to try, and I'm getting seriously tired of pushing.
THREE. I kind of have issues spending time with him, for different reasons than you might think. I go to hang out with my friends, and they always ask where he is, why didn't I bring him, etc. etc. I love that my friends love my brother, but I feel like when he's around... no one even looks twice at me. he's so much more... aggressive in a way with people than i am. he makes people listen to him. I'm quieter. I like people to choose to care about what I say. But the problem is... They don't. I try to participate in a discussion in a group of people and I am always talked over and ignored. No one thinks twice that I might have things to say or that I might want to be heard. but I do. I really do. I feel like my friends would all pick my brother over me in a heartbeat and wouldn't think twice that I might be hurt by it. Plus certain friends are encouraging him down paths I really would like them to NOT encourage him down. giving him a cigarette and then apologizing to me when I couldn't be there anymore and had to wait in the car because "I know where he is in his life and I sympathize" really doesn't cut it. The only way to sympathize with him is to drug him? I don't understand how that is supposed to help him. No one cares how I feel about anything. I hid in the car from the cigarette smoke and the fact that my brother was one of the three producing it, and so they follow me to the car and smoke right next to me. Don't you think there was a reason I was in the car? I wanted away from this shit. I just... I feel like the world around me is going to shit and I don't want to live like this anymore. But I don't have a choice.
I don't know what to do anymore... I need help, but don't know where to look.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Ho Shizz... - Lauren
Lyn and Ashley nearly beat the shit out of eachother today.
WE were all hanging out in the hallway like normal, and all of a sudden we hear the two of them screaming at eachother, Lyn kept calling Ashley (my brother's girlfriend) a Cunt, and Ashley was being a bit more creative, but Lyn always just came back with the same thing.
But... It was really frikking funny. Lyn... Everyone's like, afraid of her, but when they finally came to blows, She flailed at Ashley and bruised her a little bit on the bridge of her nose, and Ashley actually threw punches and Split her lip. ^_^;; I just love how much of a wimp Lyn actually is, and how BA Ashley actually is. XD It's pretty-much awesome. =D
SO yeah, there's that for you. :O
On another note completely, I always thought I'd never want to move out of my house ever, but I'm getting real sick of the testosterone that seeps from every molecule of this house. People think girls are moody. HA! My brother's an emo, my uncle's a hermit, and I recently witnessed my 44 year old dad throw a temper tantrum of sorts this weekend. I would like a little less MALE invading every waking moment of my home life. O.o And slightly more Male in the romance department would be awesome. ><
On another entirely different note, I can't wait for SCARE This year! =D So many friends from completely different groups coming together should be interesting. I've known rowan upwards of 6 years or so, I've only known Montanna about a year though it feels like forever and we're super awesome, I've known Nilsa two years and we're LEGIT as Ben would say. This should be fun. XD
WE were all hanging out in the hallway like normal, and all of a sudden we hear the two of them screaming at eachother, Lyn kept calling Ashley (my brother's girlfriend) a Cunt, and Ashley was being a bit more creative, but Lyn always just came back with the same thing.
But... It was really frikking funny. Lyn... Everyone's like, afraid of her, but when they finally came to blows, She flailed at Ashley and bruised her a little bit on the bridge of her nose, and Ashley actually threw punches and Split her lip. ^_^;; I just love how much of a wimp Lyn actually is, and how BA Ashley actually is. XD It's pretty-much awesome. =D
SO yeah, there's that for you. :O
On another note completely, I always thought I'd never want to move out of my house ever, but I'm getting real sick of the testosterone that seeps from every molecule of this house. People think girls are moody. HA! My brother's an emo, my uncle's a hermit, and I recently witnessed my 44 year old dad throw a temper tantrum of sorts this weekend. I would like a little less MALE invading every waking moment of my home life. O.o And slightly more Male in the romance department would be awesome. ><
On another entirely different note, I can't wait for SCARE This year! =D So many friends from completely different groups coming together should be interesting. I've known rowan upwards of 6 years or so, I've only known Montanna about a year though it feels like forever and we're super awesome, I've known Nilsa two years and we're LEGIT as Ben would say. This should be fun. XD
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Drama Llama strikes again... - Lauren
School doesn't even start for another two weeks and the Drama Llama is already back.
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...
I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....
I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(
When I woke up this morning I checked my Facebook, and was Chatted by Joe. that's fine, Then I opened up my friend requests and saw one from one Lyn Adams, an Ex-Friend who 'dated' my brother for a while, and who I'd gotten into a huge fight with and she'd never even bothered to respond after my second message. There was no message, no nothing, but just a friend request. As though she expected everything to just be ok. It's not. Her, Amanda and Anysa have done so much shit to me and my friends... I can't just accept them back like that with all the lies and drama and pain they've caused in the group. I just can't. Not unless one has really changed and can prove it, but as I know well now they are all really good liars... So Joe and I got into this huge talk about her and everything, and shizz... then I was looking at my feed when I ran across a post from Stephen (friend of Amanda and ex-boyfriend of Lyn) saying hoe much he hated Jim and how he wanted to kill him, I asked him to message me if it was the Jim I was thinking of, and he messaged me. Apparently Jim has been trying to get back with Amanda, and Amanda had come crying to him about it. First off let me explain that i trust none of these people except maybe Stephen, because while he's violent and angry, I don't take him as a Liar. Then All of a sudden I saw my brother's face in my window. Well that was just like WTF, so I waited till a stopping place in my conversations, then headed to the door. See Jim is usually on the porch talking to Kelsi, and that was completely who I expected to see sitting in the chair, but... It was Lyn. It was really awkward for a second, then I went back in as fast as I could, and told Joe what happened. I don't know what to believe, but I had promised Sammie that I wouldn't meddle, she made me promise after the last time I found something out. She's convinced that in wanting to protect Jim I'm going to make it worse. So I sent her a message. I told her the whole story I'd heard and seen, and said since I wasn't allowed to do something I'd at least tell her. She didn't comment, just said that she wanted Amanda's number, saying she'd stop this once and for all, and requested that I tell stephen if he hurts a hair on Jim's head she'd beat the crap out him basically. Then I was talking to Shea, she wanted to know what was wrong and know about the drama I'd posted about, and I told her... Then SHE started to get upset, and when I asked why she reminded me Jim and Stephen were both listed as Attending to her birthday party. Well after she talked to Stephen he Promised he wouldn't do anything as his present to her. If Jim started something he wouldn't let it be, but he wouldn't instigate. but now Shea thinks she wants to un-invite Jim... I can't really talk her out because he deserves what he gets for lying to her (which is why she doesn't want him there, he told her he was completely done with Amanda) but I don't want to have to deal with him once she tells him... I told her to talk to him and see what happens from there. Then after much deliberation I sent the number to Sam, if anything happened to make it worse it was my fault for asking Sam, and I'd have to deal with it...
I hate all this drama. Every last scrap. I want it to die. I want these people out of my life, I want my brother to stop being a stupid emo kid, I want Amanda to be the person she was before all this shizz... She used to be sane, and good. I loved her, but now... She's made of Lies and Deceit. I couldn't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore, I hope I did the right thing....
I was ready for Drama once school started... I wasn't ready for this yet. :(
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Life, For now - Lauren
So on Monday I went to Highland mall with Nilsa and Francesca, it was supposed to be a reunion of camp people... But the boys never showed up, so it was a girl's reunion. It was a lot of fun, a bit strange in the conversation flow, we would go from high pitched obnoxious laughter that chased everyone away from our awesomeness, to really deep important conversations. And it would fluctuate like that all day. P= The girls made me get my first casual dress since I was little (purplish pink and blackins gray tye-dye with a waistband in the middle - sale 7 bucks. XD), and my first pair of skinny jeans (white with gray kinda zebra stripes, but not really, and carefully planned rips - sale for 10 bucks lol.) I liked them both, but they insisted. XD Nilsa even said about the pants when I had tried them on with another shirt that the reason I hadn't gotten a date yet was because I didn't have that outfit. XD I didn't get the shirt, I firmly believe I need to be skinnier before I wear something that tight. =X but it was a fun day. Then instead of the movie we had planned on we retired to Nilsa's house, and we watched Ponyo which is an adorable movie. Then we were sad cuz Francesca went home, and she's moving to florida in a couple of days, and it's sad. Y-Y I ended up spending the night cuz by the time i got ahold of my dad it was late and he didn't want to get me, so I slept over and we had a strange semi-photoshoot cuz we felt like it. That was my first sleepover with Nilsa, and my first this summer. XD It was really fun, I had a great time.
Do you know that feeling where you know bad things happen in the world. They exist, you read stories about them. But... Until it happens to someone you know it never really sinks in how awful they are. I was in a weird mood all day yesterday because it was sinking in. Now nothing actually happened to my friend, but almost, and it's pretty damn scary to think about.
And now my dad just found a bag of my mothers makeup, (he asked me to take what I wanted and throw the rest away) and is clearly going to be in a weird mood all day and I still haven't gotten up the guts to increase his stress level even higher and tell him i found out my brother's sneaking out at night to go see his secret girlfriend... What am I to do..? =(
Do you know that feeling where you know bad things happen in the world. They exist, you read stories about them. But... Until it happens to someone you know it never really sinks in how awful they are. I was in a weird mood all day yesterday because it was sinking in. Now nothing actually happened to my friend, but almost, and it's pretty damn scary to think about.
And now my dad just found a bag of my mothers makeup, (he asked me to take what I wanted and throw the rest away) and is clearly going to be in a weird mood all day and I still haven't gotten up the guts to increase his stress level even higher and tell him i found out my brother's sneaking out at night to go see his secret girlfriend... What am I to do..? =(
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