Super Snow Day :D - Lauren

So I was sick all day yesterday, missed school, felt like crap.

I woke up this morning, and within like fifteen minutes I was having an awesome day.
I felt way better, School was canceled, and it was Snowing! :D

I love Snow, if I had to pick any one thing that reminded me of my childhood it would be snow. I moved a lot when I was a kid, so there aren't any places or people that work, But I grew up in Chicago and what else do Chicagoan think of but snow? :) I love Snow~

It was amazing. And my day quickly got better, John had the day off too so he came over around 11:30 and we went for a walk, I froze my toes off (slush got into my shoes), the fingers of the hand that wasn't holding his froze off, my nose froze, but it was totally worth it. :)
We came back and hung out, messed with my cat, and, yeah. XD It was just kindof weird because my brother was just sitting at the computer playing Bubble Tank 3, and it was weird. O.o it took him like an hour to get the hint and eff off. ^_^;; I suppose it's kinda weird for him because he and John are friends too, but... yeah. He needed to go. Lol. ^_^ It was pretty funny, at one point Jim walked out of his room to grab his bag with this look on his face, and went back into his room, and I said to John "I know that look, I'm never going to hear the end of this." and we laughed, and Dad sent me a message expressing his displeasure at my just leaving, even though I totally didn't, I said we were just going for a walk and would be right back, and I knew I was going to get yelled at, but the awesome thing is neither thing happened. :D

But Yeah... with the exception of Bryan, Jim and Dad bitching at each other constantly, today's been amazing. <3

I wish you cared... - Lauren

I have come to the conclusion that I have to stop trying to be close friends with certain people. Like... I love them and all, but they make no effort, they don't ever want to hang out, they don't even give a shit about things like waiting for me when we walk to class every day, I get tired of chasing people down when they clearly don't care. the sad part? That happened today. I walk with a certain friend from class to the busses, and by the time I got out of my classroom she was already halfway down the hall from her class with someone else. No matter that that means that I get to walk myself. Who cares, right? It's been happening for a while, I'd been forcing myself in and she just has like two other people to talk to, so I end up walking with them but not really included, so today I didn't chase her down or wait outside her classroom for her, I just walked normally, and guess who didn't even notice I was right behind them, or even when I moved in front of them?
I hate it, but I think I just have to give up...
I hate giving up.
A lot

P.S. I'm writing a post about last weekend and my amazing surprise, but it's long. >< You don't have to read it, but... i feel like it should be documented. It'll be up eventually. XD

Life as we know it - Lauren

It's been a while. Life is decent, but there are some things I wished I could change...
I don't sleep much, not with Scare. So I'm always dead tired and really slow. I wish there was a way to do scare and still sleep. ><

Our house stinks - our water heater is broken and has been since this summer, and we aren't the best at keeping on top of things, so the dishes stink. I hate living in a house full of guys... It sucks. they are all slobs, and yet bryan (my uncle) always yells at us for not cleaning up. My dad isn't so bad, he hates things being dirty, he just doesn't have the time or particularly care enough to do things himself. He always has me or my brother do it when he's not doing anything in particular anyways. It's ridiculous. And my brother's just a sloppy whiny emo kid who needs to do his laundry more than once a month and shower more than only when his hair starts to get all sticky.

The house work doesn't get kept up because I don't have time to do everything myself, so nothing gets done. I hate it, it stinks, but... What can I do? I'm already not sleeping much... I don't have any choices but to just suffer... I can't wait to move out. I really can't. Yeah, it comes with all sorts of adult changes and living in the real world, and all that shit, but... As much as I love my family, I can't wait to not have to be around so many moody guys all day every day. >< Man, and they think we're bad. O.o

Montanna and Mike broke up last week, she came home to her stuff all packed and his status on facebook was single, and she (for the first time ever) after some debate (he's full of it - he's all "Well it's your choice if we're still together or not") she just said fuck it and left, and then an hour later he calls her and begs her to come home, he was wrong... all that shit. She's now staying back at their apartment, but didn't exactly hurry to put her facebook status back from single, she's not paying as much attention as before, she's hanging out with other people more, and he's not taking it so well. But honestly, he wasn't giving her room to be a teenager, and she wasn't ready to be an adult. She's 20, and he's twice her age. I'm sad that they are sad, but really i think it's better for both of them that they don't mend bridges and get together again, they just don't... mesh really. It just doesn't work.

I feel like I'm losing some of the all around niceness i was so known for... Once someone's broken my trust I really couldn't care less for them... And I feel bad for it, but it's true.
This morning in the hallway after the bell rang, we were slowly making our way to the doors with the crowd, and I passed AM&AN sitting together in the hallway, and when I glanced that direction AM's face was all pinkish and she had this look on her face, the one I knew from when we were really close as the one she makes just before she starts crying... and I didn't feel anything. I felt like I should feel bad, feel something, but.... I just turned away and kept walking. I feel really bad for it, but... She broke the friendship through all her lies and unwillingness to improve her own life, move forward, and fix the things she wanted to desperately to complain about. I have more sympathy for strangers than I did for someone who used to be one of my closest friends at that moment. I feel bad that I don't feel worse, but... I just can't make myself feel like she doesn't deserve anything she gets for the lifestyle she's chosen... She lied and lost all of her true friends who really cared, and now has a whole host of people who doesn't really care and are all out for their own self interest... I wish I could say I didn't think she deserves being kicked out of her house, I wish I could say I miss her, I wish I could say I wish we were still friends, but I can't... I don't believe any of it... I just can't make myself care anymore.

Comfortable? - Lauren

So... There's very little going on right now.
Lyn and her drama has nearly completely subsided.
Jim's behaving himself and being a good boyfriend to Ashley.
My friends are harmonious.
Shea's Hutto High Scare is over (she almost didn't get her TEA form for her drivers license, and if she hadn't gotten it her mom was going to transfer her) and ended well.
It's October, so SCARE is taking up every avaliable ounce of my energies. (October is the month when I don't sleep. XD)
Homework and Class Loads aren't great, but aren't too bad.
My Choir issues are slowly going away, Dr. Fish still yells at us all the freaking time, but it's better when you have people to talk to. :) Chamber is getting much better, I was sitting and writing something today, and Tiara dragged me back into the group cuz I wasn't supposed to sit alone. ;) Megan invited me to her house Tuesday to watch Glee with her and David, and possibly Chris, which I may or may not take her up on, because I'm pretty sure that for some reason David hates me, but Chris is awesome... So I dunno. >< But it was still really nice to be asked. :)
I miss my best friend a whole hell of a lot, but she is at least trying more to talk to me now, she's initiated a few conversations so I'm really hoping things get better from here on out...
Of course there are still my normal issues, mostly about my completely nonexistent romance life, and how I really wish it existed (and how I'm tired of people telling me that I'm wrong, and I don't want one. Maybe I don't need one, but... It'd be nice to be able to decide for myself. It'd be nice to even be asked. It'd be nice to know I'm not a complete failure as you have heard me rant about before....). But you know. It's... Not so bad. :)
Things are just... Comfortable.
And I'm OK with that.

Meltdown... - Lauren

I really don't feel like re-typing everything, so if you care... here's the huge meltdown I just had in chat form with courtney. >.>

courtney: (:how're you dahling?
 me: >:(
9:41 PM I'm grumpy tired and frustrated. ><
9:42 PM Stupid homework I don't get that I can't turn in late, Stupid people making me feel bad for telling them I didn't approve of an idea, stupid weak-ness that means everytime i do any exercise all my muscles hurt
  :(
 courtney: ):
  wanna talk about any of it?
9:45 PM me: Ugh... I dunno, I'm just frustrated and PMSing on top of it. I feel like I'm gonna cry......
  Over nothing
 courtney: ooh..):
  well.
  I'm here for yah, babe : )
 me: :,)
9:46 PM I just don't wanna deal with any of this shit right now, I had a really long weekend and would very much like to sleep, but that's the one thing I don't get to do. >.>
 courtney: aw ):
  that's so sad.
  I'm so sorry ):
9:47 PM me: Yeah... I hate this, it happens every couple of months. It'll alternate that my PMS is barely noticeable, to the next month it's a total bitch and I'm crying over everything and picking fights I don't mean to pick, and i hurt, and I'm always tired, and it just sucks........
9:48 PM I'm also just getting completely frustrated with being unable to do anything...
  In a lot of different ways
9:50 PM I can't leave the house without begging someone else to take me or walking in the 90 degree weather, And I always feel bad making people go out of their way to get me for things...
9:52 PM I'm in personal fitness again because my credit didn't count before due to starting late, and it's completely kicking my ass and I get to completely fail at everything we do beause I just can't do it, and she gives me these awful looks because she thiniks I'm just giving up, but I really can't do it, and everyone else gets to watch me not be able to do it... and it sucks. And I always hurt now from it. my legs haven't stopped hurting in three weeks.
9:54 PM I can't freaking figure out how to do this homework, My english class is kicking my ass too, i think I'm failing right now. And it's not because my teacher is bad, it's just because I can't figure it out. I read these passages and just stared at them blankly. we're readings stuff in class and I just stare at it. I can't figure out how to write what we're writing, and it just... I just can't figure out what I'm doing.
 courtney: ):
9:55 PM I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what you're doing, and physical fitness sucks balls.
  most physical classes do.
  but I mean,
you're just having a rough time.
I'm here for you(:
and I know how you feel, because that was my entire sophmore year.
  I failed so badly.
  I failed pretty much every class.
9:56 PM me: I guess this is going to sound bad, but I'm... not used to failing.
9:58 PM And especially in my AP Englsh class, the one thing I was always good at but now am always shown how much I am not good, they're always talking about college and what amazing college they're going to, and al the awesome AP classes and Scores on these super hard tests, and I just... I have to probably take a year off t get any money at all to even go to college, and I am more than likely going to ACC because it's all I can afford, Among most people I feel good about myself, and among these people I'm the bottom of the heap, scraping the barrel. I feel like crap and I don't know what to do about it...
9:59 PM courtney: well, I know how you feel.
but I mean,
you can get past failing.
10:00 PM you can pass your classes.
  sure
  it's kind of hard
  but you can do it.
you're a smart person(:
  and pass,
just to show those people
how smart you are(:
  prove 'em all wrong!
10:01 PM me: It's not just that though.
  I don't know what I'm doing with my life! Everyone seems to have these awesome plans... And I just hate thinking about it because I just don't know.
10:02 PM I don't want school to end
  I don't want me entire life as I know it to be over
  I don't want to spend a year doing nothing when everyone is going on to college
  I don't want to have to change everything again
  I hate bug life changes
  I hate being uprooted and not knowing where I stand or what I'm doing
10:03 PM I don't want to do this
  but again
  no choice
10:04 PM courtney: but you'll figure it out(:
chase your passion.
what do you LOVE?
what are you good at? (:
you can do something with that!
10:05 PM me: The only thing I really love is singing and helping my friends, but you can't rely on music as a career and psychiatry requires many years of expensive schooling
 courtney: yeah I hear that |:
I wanna be a criminologist.
  but since that's a branch of psychology and sociology I'm gonna have to go for a minimum of like 8 years.
10:06 PM me: And I don't even have enough money to go to dinner.
  I don't know how to do this
  I completely feel like I've failed at my whole life
10:07 PM every little kid had all these hopes and dreams of what they wanted to do, and I didn't... I just sang and lived. I don't remember most of my childhood life because I didn't do anything. i was homeschooled and sat in my room for most of my life
10:09 PM And even choir is making me feel completely inferior. I know I can sing, but apperantly everyone else can sing better. I couldn't even make one solo in three years of the mediocre groups, let alone in one of the better groups. I made Chamber Choir which is awesome, but I really don't feel like a part of the group, or of acapella. I don't really talk to anyone, i just sit off to the side and then sing my part. I'm working on it, but choir was the only highlight a lot of the time, but that combined with the fact that I can't really stand our new choir teacher means i's not as great....
10:10 PM I love to sing, so much, but I can't get through a line without being yelled at and told how much we have to improve to be good.
10:12 PM courtney: ):
maybe...you're just a late bloomer.
everyone got their dreams early
you'll find yours (:
I promise you will.
and you haven't failed life, because if you did, you'd be dead, but you're not, because I won't let you because I love you too much to let anything bad happen ):
and if you need the money, you're probs gonna need a job, and make moneys D:
10:13 PM me: But I don't have a car or any way to reliably get to a job.
  Thank you though....
  It really does help. <3
  I really could just use a hug right now. 10:14 PM But my best friend lives 8 hours away, and the closest friend who i think would come see me lives in hutto
10:15 PM courtney: ):
  I'm going to
  come to your house
  a weekend
  and give you
  the biggest and bestest hug
  EVER.
  with sprinkles.
 me: Haha, <3
10:16 PM But Somehow I'm so freaking busy.
  I don't get to relax again till november.
  Scare has my out every weekend
  :(
10:17 PM courtney: : (
  THEN I SHALL VISIT YOU
  IN NOVEMBER.
  and give you the biggest and bestest hug with sprinkles.
10:18 PM me: Hahaha. <3
  I don't wanna wait till november. :(
  Maybe you come to scare one day and I kidnaps you home with me
 courtney: <3
  maybe:)
  that could works.
  but doesn't your dad not like
  spending the night?
10:19 PM I mean I could probs ask to be picked up that very day but I dunno o:
 me: But he let jim stay the whole weekend at brandon's and I haven't asked in ages... Maybe he'll let me. hug
 courtney: hmm maybe(:
  <3
  we'll have to see.
  just be like
10:20 PM "dude. who wouldn't want god to grace our presence for a night?"
 me: Haha. ^_^;;
  That's another big issue, I am getting so seriously fed up with my family. They are driving me completely insane.
  I cna't wait to be out of here, but I don't want to leave.
10:21 PM courtney: why don't you wanna leave?
  I wanna leave so badly.
10:24 PM me: I just don't want to like... leave my house and everything that's happened here. I'm worried about living alone, I need a roommate, but I don't know who to ask because I get really fed up with a lot of my friends after a while. I couldn't live with shea, we couldn't do a week at her house, let alone living together. we both get too high strung. I was going to go with Montanna, we'd both talked about it when she was going to leave mike, but I seriously doubt that's happening, they seem to have reconciled at least not enough for her to leave him... Sam is going to live in Dallas to go to med school, and that's too far for me to move... I really don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone. :(
10:25 PM I feel alone a lot
  even though I know I'm not
10:26 PM courtney: ):
  see
  I could handle being alone
  I've been alone my entire life
  but you can find someone I promise(: <3
10:28 PM me: there's also the issue where I've completely failed in the relationship department... I don't know what I did, but somehow I'm the girl who's one of the guys and doesn't ever date and no one is interested in, People keep making reasons why, but there are always reasons and excuses I don't know.... I must've done something wrong, but I don't know what, and I think it's too late to fix it.
10:29 PM courtney: never too late(:
I've always been that ugly chick.
  but I mean.
10:30 PM I've changed I think.
  I mean, I'm still not liked
  but it's alright I sppose
  *suppose
10:32 PM me: But you're not ugly! You're adorable. And at least you have been though, I mean... I don't even mean people don't always like me, as far as I know no one has ever liked me, and if they have they never did enough to say something to me about it. No one. Ever. I feel like there's something wrong with that. I like people, it happens, but nobody ever likes me back. Often they like my friends instead, which is the suck...
  I dunno, I guess I really do feel like I'm just not good enough......
10:33 PM I don't even know for what, but i can't think of anything I've accomplished, anything I've really dont...
  *done
  I don't DO anythin...
 courtney: but you are(:
trust me dear, my life has been liking people and them never liking me pack.
hell, I've even been played, pretty much.
  then go out and have your own adventures(:
  be yourself.
10:34 PM people should like you for YOU and not like you for someone you're not(:
10:37 PM me: I know that last part, I do... But i guess I feel like there's too much ME and no one wants to look far enough to learn that much about me. :( And hell... This is going to sounds really bad but I don't mean it to be, At least someone liked you enough to try to play you. The most interest anyone's ever shown in me was he agreed to go on one date with me because montanna told him he had to go, because he told her brother I was cool, and she'd been trying to hook me up. That, and our awesome but slightly pervy friend who loves to jokingly hold people's hands and make jokes about stuff, but is completely uninterested for real, and has told me that I am one of the guys.. =/
10:38 PM courtney: man.
  I used to be one of the guys.
  like
  so hardcore
  in like elementary school.
  but I mean
  you can grow out of it.
  I'm not really "one of the guys"
10:39 PM but I'm not "one of the girls" either.
  I'm kind of my own person.
  but I dunno broski.
  you'll find someone I promise(:
10:41 PM but y'know,
you have been liked.
  sam liked you.
  but I mean, you don't...roll that way.
but I mean, you can be liked.
  (:
10:42 PM me: I honestly think sometimes that being homeschooled may've fucked part of me up. I was made to be very social and have people around me, and I sat in my room for a long time. I didn't do anything, I had very few friends. I've always said that I grew up too fast, I wasn't really a kid for that long, but... I think part of me grew up really slow. So the part of me that started liking boys didn't show up at all until a while ago, and by then I'd already messed something up.... I dunno... >>
10:44 PM and yeah, she says so, but I really think (and with my logical mind not my reactionary mind) that she really just knew I would always be there for her, she wanted someone she could always trust, in essence she wants someone like me. but... I don't think she likes me so much, just the fact that I never left her, when everyone else did. She only liked me after she's been broken a million times... I mean, I just think it was a reaction,i if that makes any sense
 courtney: ):
  well.
  I don't see why people couldn't like you
  you're absolutely adorable and amazing.
10:45 PM and if people can't see that they deserve to be spited.
 me: And isn't it a little sad that the only person who's ever liked me is my female best friend? Just a little?
 courtney: I grew up too fast, too, that's most likely why I'm so childish.
  not really?
  my friend kathryn liked/likes me a lot, I don't know if she still does.
  I haven't been liked by a lot of people, I don't think.
10:46 PM that was in middle school where people just follow the leader.
 me: but you didn't grow up with her calling eachother sisters. >.>
  Yeah........
  I dunno... <,<
 courtney: no, but we are that close kind of.
  I dunno brotato, but you'll find someone I promise<3
  we both will.
  just gotta wait for that one person that can handle you at your worst:)
  so far there's only been...
  three people that have done that.
  but one's 23,
10:47 PM the other was afraid of being a "pedo"
  and the other played me.
 me: :)
  that's sad.....
 courtney: bahaha
  yeah.
  kind of.
(Skip some irrelevant rambling convo here)
courtney: I mean

I guess I'm kind of...

pretty ish?

I have a decent personallity

but I don't know why people legitimately like me.

 me:  I kinda feel the same.

 courtney:  mhm.

 me:  ><

Ugh

well

at least I've stopped like... Completely freaking out and crying now. >.>

 courtney:  ):

I'm here for you<3

 me:  thanks... i think my friends get tired of it sometimes. >.>

 courtney:  naaah

(:

 me:  Well, just cuz you don't doesn't mean the rest don't. >.> I feel like most of us are just growing apart, I hardly see anyone anymore. >.>

 courtney:  aw... ):

yeah doesn't that feeling suck?

 me:  Yeah... a lot. considering I give up so much of my life to help them and shit, and they don't  even care enough to try to stay friends

 courtney:  ):

hun you gotta take care of yourself sometimes.

 me:  I don't know how.....

 courtney:  ):

you'l llearn(:

if I can do it, you can too!

 Sent at 11:03 PM on Monday

 me:  I suppose... I spent so much time helping others because it made me feel good to help, and it helped them, that I never learned how to take care of myself...

 courtney:  ...

man

we're so alike it's scary.

 me:  that... Doesn't make me as happy as it should. I don't like that anyone else has to feel what  am. >.>

(So yeah... there's that. I'm going to sleep this off now and hope I have enough Energy to wake up tomorrow. :C )

Nothing at all - Lauren

I love how during the school year, it seems like everything happens, than kindof simultaneously nothing worth posting about happens at all. XD

I've had quite a busy weekend, I went right after school yesterday to go get Dylan from her house so we could be ready when my dad got home to leave for the SCARE for a CURE benefit concert, where we drove around for an hour on the wrong side of the highway trying to find the freakin place, to almost be not let in. Me and Dylan had no form of ID, so they were -thiiis- close to just denying us entry, Leanna threw a fit, she was so angry, Jarrett was trying to appease both sides (to little effect) and eventually some other guys came up and said we could go in as long as we were marked and he showed us to the bartenders so they knew not to sell us anything. >< Not like we would.  D8 But yeah. XD After we got in an hour late Dylan and I got the fun job of watching the free food table (and the tip jar residing on it) and re-organizing the pizza. XD It was a pretty fun night, We took a lot of silly pictures, Dylan and I got attacked by the Zombie Invasion, I got attacked by Jim and Rowan, and I now have some blood on my Scare shirt. lol. It was a pretty cool night, but the crowd was sad, and I couldn't distinguish anything but loud from the bands that played except for Fulton Read, which wasn't bad. P= they had all the zombies come up and preform with them on stage after their third song. =3

Then today Dylan, Dad and I (she spent the night) ran a bunch of errands, Now I'm baking for Montanna's birthday party tomorrow and the Scare Auditions we're going to right after that. =) Crazy busy.

In other news, My best friend Sam has contacted me of her own accord twice in that many days, so I'm happy. =D She texted me earlier just to say she loves me, and when I told her I loved her too and was sorry for passing out last night, she said "It's fine Hun. Just wanted to make sure someone told you they loved you today. ^^"
<333 I love my best friend so much. :,D

This Person- Brianna

so high school...
im a fishy.
niner
freshmen
fresh meat
whatever you wanna call me.
the school im going to is hard,
but fun.
im in color guard,
so im pretty busy.
i know a lot of people at my school.
and i have every single class with my boyfriend.
so why am i complaining ?
what is it about this year,
that makes me feel like everythings gonna change.
and yes, i do mean EVERYTHING.
so ive known this person fer about 4 years now.
this person is alright if you get to know them.
this person can be really.. bitchy,
and this year *already*
im noticing that she can be a little...
not slutty,
but like.. idunno
theres a word that i used a million times last night,
that starts with a T
and its kinda like slut,
but not as bad.
like Skank..
only it started with a T..
but anyways. yeah.
so This person is pretty nice, smart, and junk.
but this person is friggin stupid.
and it makes me feel like this person is gonna make me repeat a lesson i shouldve already learned with someone else.
and if i have to repeat this lesson...
then its the last straw.
and never again will i repeat this lesson...
at least not with this person.
soo... thats about all thats on my mind.
sorry if this doesnt make any sense but ..
im not naming any names,
at least not here.

The Odd Thing about my Friends - Lauren

So, my first week of senior year was rather full of ups and downs. Chamber and Acap are awesome, I had my first day in Acapella (Top level Mixed Choir) today after getting my schedule changed from being in Kantori, where i was the last two years, and this year it's almost entirely freshmen. O.o But yeah. Acap is awesome because we sound amazing and I have people to talk to in that class, mostly Chris and JD, and also Sara and Morgan. X3 
my first day, as you read, sucked, but my second day was pretty good, then it was just like waves, I have no one to talk to on A-Days (with the sole light in the day of Chamber), it's really sad honestly. lol. But B-Days are pretty awesome, Except the EXTREMELY boring Earth and Space Science class I'm in to make up 1/2 a credit of science from things not counting freshman year due to my starting late (FAIL). I now have last lunch both days, at 2:00. I'm so hungry by the time lunch rolls around, it's not even funny. ><
I went to the first football game of the season today (0-17, Round Rock is so fail, somehow Midway beat us.) and Like... It was really awesome at first. Hanging out with the choir kids, singing, sounding awesome, (We sing the national anthem and Alma Mater at the game)... Then we get to the game after practice and such, we sing, it's awesome, we go up the corner where the choir kids usually sit, I was supposed to find Smoothie (Dylan. XD His nickname. lolz) but I couldn't, Sara and Morgan left, JD didn't go, and Chris tends to be super scatterbrained around other tenors. That's the thing about sitting with the choir kids. They're so distracted and obnoxious, if you're not super obnoxious too they tend to forget you're in existence, and that happened to me. I don't know all the Acap people yet, i mean... I know who they are form 4 years of choir, but I don't -know- them. I'm obnoxiously shy around people I don't know, and the Acap people are very almost... Cliquish? When I tried to talk I was often ignored or unheard. I ended up sitting alone halfway through the game and no one but Tina Clark (everyone's worst enemy and creepy stalker from my past) noticed I was lonely. =(   Plus David seems to hate me, sophomore year me and marly were waiting in line and he randomly (Though I'd never talked to him before) told me I was a bitch and he thought we were scary. He seems to be acting nice and stuff, but Ice kept hitting my back and shoulders. The First time He was trying to hit Chris, but after that it got harder to believe. >.>Turns out Dylan had decided not to go so At least I didn't just miss him, but yeah... Kinda sucked. My brother had an awesome time, he had a free hugs sign, and he and his friends were creepers hugging everyone. Free hugs signs are good at cons and stuff... but a football game..? >< Confusing. 
Just read Sam's (my best friend's) status Saying "So tell me. Why do people hurt the ones they love and CONTINUE to hurt them, even when they know they're doing it? Cant you just be happy that you have someone amazing? Why do people have the need to lose the one great thing they have for something that might not even last?" and she has no idea that she is a HUGE doer of this, she knows all the shit she does hurts me and doesn't even care. She ignores me to talk to her girlfriend of the week 24/7, so I know she's not not texting, she's just ignoring me. And she tells me about times she can't text, but when she visited she spent every waking hour with her fingers glued to that phone. I seriously don't believe any form of that. I think she just doesn't care anymore. But then she talks about how much she misses and loves me and shit... When we do talk it's awesome, but that's VERY few and far between. 
Wish she'd see what she's doing, and how much it bothers and hurts me. 
Feels like I should be more important than whatever girlfriend she's got at the time. I'm her best friend of a long time, I should count. Shouldn't I?

So yeah... Big ups and downs, even within a day. Wish Life would even out a little bit.

School! - Lauren

So most of my friends are complaining about going back to school. It's the usual, 'where did my summer go?' 'I wish school would never come' etc. etc. But I, on the other hand, CANNOT wait for school to start again. There's the obvious reasons of seeing my friends every day, but I actually -like- school, maybe I'm a dork, but I do. I like having somewhere to go every day and know exactly what you're doing, who you're seeing, what you're doing, that kind of consistency is nice. I like it. I mean, there's lame stuff, Like I have to take two semester long PE Classes because Freshman year my Personal Fitness credit didn't count because I started late, and that sucks, plus after that I need another half credit to graduate so I'm taking Individual Sports, which at elast promises to be better than Team Sports, I'm not much of a Team Sports person, I don't much like sports in the first place, let alone with people who would refuse to talk to me even if I wanted to talk to them. I wear a bit of black, not exactly their favorite kind of person. ^_^;;
BUT On the good Side I get to take two choirs! Singing seriously is my life, In a dream world the thing I've always wanted more than anything is to be able to make my living singing, but I know that's not exactly realistic. But the fact that Dr. Fish (My choir teacher. That's right. Dr. Fish. XD) thinks I'm good enough to be in both the highest level Mixed varsity choir, and the 12 girl Chamber Choir is just amazing. =D
My senior year promises to be interesting at least. ^_^
GO ROCK! CLASS OF 2011!
...lol. School Spirit. I don't have it. XD

Bothered - Lauren

You know, I've never much liked the part of me that when someone says something or something occurs to me... It just, Sticks, in my mind. It won't go away, it comes up when I'm thinking about other things, My brain creates weird daydreams of what could happen in that situation, every feeling I could naturally have on the person or situation, It's just frustrating and confusing when I can't think of anything else.

I've always been like that, always focused (So much so it's hard to sleep), always thinking, always fixated. Dad thinks I just sit around, but really I'm always engaged, always thinking, always puzzling or mulling things over in my head like the impossible rubix cube in my head that no amounts of logarithms can solve. He thinks I'm Lazy and contented to sit around and do nothing, but honestly... when I'm actually being lazy is when he's got the TV on and I'm watching because there's nothing else to do! I like Anime, and School, and books... Because they get me out of my head, let me stop THINKING for a little while. Dad knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and is a genius at figuring people out, but the one thing I ever really tried to hide from him he never guessed, and he doesn't realize how much I WISH sometimes I could just relax and space out. But no, I can't space out, I get so Frelling BORED. Because my brain Doesn't. Ever. Shut. Up. I can't sleep, I can't do anything else... I just think and do mindless crafts like knitting that allow me to get something done while I think. I tend to knit and watch anime while I think, so that I can stay busy, content, and not bored.

I hate summer.
It's so much easier to get bored when I'm home for three months.

The other problem, I Always -always- over-analyze things.
I watch a movie, and unless I try really hard I'm thinking out different paths it can go and how the movie will end, who will end up with who... I love surprises, I love to be swept away in it, so usually I try to turn it off. But... Then dad says 'don't jump to conclusions, you have to analyze and really THINK about the movie' but I'm trying hard not to most of the time, I just want to watch it and learn it's lesson. But I always try to find the moral of the story, I dislike movies without a real moral or lesson to tell you.
Someone tells me someone likes me, or they like someone, two friends are going out, or anything like that, I obsess over it, I watch the people, I think about it, I try to work it out in my head. I try to figure out (if it's someone else) If I like the person they've chosen, if I think they match, on and on my brain whirrs. If I'm told someone likes me (Which I have been twice, once They were right but he moved, the second I dunno if I believe yet) I can't stop thinking about that person, if I like them, if we have fun together, how long we can talk without getting bored, how much we have in common, why they would like me (I have long-dormant issues that have made me believe that no one could really like me... Long story...), and if it's the first one, Who they could be and what my reaction could be depending on who it was. Someone *CoughNilsaCough* Brings up people when she's trying to set me up, and I think about it... A LOT. Cuz again, brain doesn't shut up.

But you know... for all I complain, I am who I am, and I wouldn't change anything about me for the world. That's who I am, and either I'll do something about it myself, or it will stay that way. I'm smart, I think a LOT. It's who I am. Frustrating as it can be, I'm comfortable with that

why is everything soo good right noww? -Brianna

im gonna have to let it go in 2.5 days. theres no problems with me and Jason, what little drama happened this year, is fixed. all the people i care about, are with me. but in just 2 and a half days i have to let it go. i have to let some people go. i dont even know if me and jason are going to high school together. will i cry on the last day of school? yes.. mostly of fear of not seeing him again and having to break up. see, i dont do long distance relationships. they're stupid and hardly ever work. like the friends im not going to high school with i have their numbers, i know where they live *nd if i dont ill figure it out ;)** we all have facebooks, myspaces, and twitters. but Jason.. its harder letting him go cause i love him. i mean yeah i love my friends but its a different kind of love. and like lately hes super sweet. like, for example, i asked him what he was gonna do for the three day weekend, and he replied saying "think about you mostly" :) last night around 9:30, he texted me out of the blue and wrote "ily for ever" today we've been texting and talking as much as we can. i know durring the summer we can plan to meet up but its harder because my moms supper strict now because of my sister. i mean im not complaining its just "i wish"... thats all i seem to be saying lately. "i wish we could hang out together" "i wish we could go to high school together" "i wish we could talk instead of text" "i wish rumors would stop spreading" i wish... but againn.. im not complaining, im jsut wishing.. anywyas. my weekend was alrightt, boring but good. right now ive got a head ache which sucks but i'll just take some Tylenol. well gotta go get ready fer school tomorrow, adios. oh P.S. jason says he might give me the surprise tomorrow :D if he does i'll blog during school. tomorrow is also the cast party, and im getting my shoes for graduation :D okay now im off byee!!

"Every time you're near
Trouble disappears
Under the ground
But when you go to far
Silver clouds will start hanging around
And I know why
Try to run
But I keep on
Coming back
Full circle
And I can't jump the track
Can't let you go"

ARRGAHHH! -Nilsa

I should be happy, I really should. I feel like a cry-baby (minus the tears). I have a great boyfriend, awesome new friends and pretty much the best mom I could ask for. But still... just... ARRGAHHH! Today, I kinda broke down in my mind, and had to work so hard to control myself. We got back from UIL with horrible scores, then I found out rehersals was canceled, THEN I had to go to track, and that-one-thing-that-is-my-biggest-secret-ever was bothering me. Meanwhile, I was thinking wayyyy too much about things that were going on, and for some reason, my eyes started watering up. It's my normal daily routine! So, what, am I just gonna compleatly snap every couple months or so from now on because of the stress. Dude, I need a punching bag. I REALLY don't want a tumor to evolve from this.
In other news, I presented my amazing Macbeth parody to the class. Unfortunitly, my old friends were jealous and yelled the entire time about how it wasn't as good is theirs. Well then, why don't they go find theirs?! At least I'm respectful of them. I got tons of complements later, and random people coming up to me saying, "I heard your macbeth project was amazing!" Too bad most of the people in my class weren't strong enough to laugh as much as they wanted to.

Whats Up? -Nilsa

First off, MoMo is in the hospital... something she very much does not deserve. I was pretty darn scared for her last night, but a text from Kerry tells me that shes going to be alright. :)

I also CANNOT wait for Spring Break. Galveston with Brianna and Lexi? I certainly hope so. It would be amazing x infinity and be a great stress relief for all of us.

I'm super happy that Brianna and Haley have everything worked out. I don't know if I could stand any more drama this year.

Brianna is moving on! I don't care what she says, I see it in her eyes! Happy day! I approve of her new intrest so far!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And sometimes, happier. I mean, I'm walking down a very painful memory lane drinking from this mug my mom ordered a year ago with pictures of us on it. But really, I feel almost free now. The only think holding me back is...still them . The constant harassment has got to stop.

First Entry- Haley

Ah Today was good(:

I can't wait to get out of middle school where they're hypocrites and say they'll treat you like adults if we earn it, well YES we earned it. and yet boys and girls still get split up and have to walk in lines.. BULLSHIT -_- Our principal is ugly and retarded and I HATE his fat ugly guts. He has NO respect for us, just because you're an adult doesn't mean you're going to automatically earn my respect.

Ugh Middle school SUCKS ASS BAAAD

but its all good so long as i have my friends with me and my baby Chaiya (Chai Tea XD)

Cant wait for high school

43 days = Spring break

127 days = Summer,

:D

-

Posted 7:34 pm 1.26.10

8th grade

DMS