200(: and then some. - Brianna

this is post 200(:
i remember when i posted number 100(:
but anways,
i finally figured it out.
guys think that just cause they say sorry
were gonna run back to them
and everythings gonna be perfect
like if nothing ever happened
well..
it is like that
it is with me and ive realized that
so today is where i put my foot down.
theres no more "only exception"
no more flirting
no more "baby girl i still love you"
no its all bull shit anyways.
im done,
and the next time he has to say
"im sorry"
i swear to God, it will be the last.
im done letting him walk all over me.
im done HANDING him is cake, and letting him eat it too.
no more.
my rules are rules
and hes gonna have to learn to follow them.
the ones he knows about,
and the ones he doesnt hes gonna have to learn the hard way.
does this mean i dont love him anymore?
fuck no.
he still has all of my heart,
but i know that little by little all hes gonna do to it,
is tear it apart,
so im done(:

Nothing Much To Complain About -Nilsa

So, it's High School time, and I find myself with... normal high school problems. I'm fighting with my mom, two of my friends like the same guy, I'm worried about my grades... I'm used to having these weird, ridiculous problems worth sharing. I mean it's not like my life is perfect, but unlike last year it's nothing to write a depressing, look-how-much-my-life-sucks teenage girl novel. I'm a bit upset because I've had to turn down plans, and see friends less because of my mom. I expected more freedom, being in high school and living so close to the school that I spend at least 12 hours a day lurking around. As it turns out, she won't even let me walk to school by myself anymore. She wants me to have this escort service of friends, thus giving me a false sense of security while walking the mile to school. Honestly I'm probably safer on my own than with my friends. Doesn't she know what kind of crazy stuff we'll do out on our own? I love being with them, and of course I'd rather walk to school with those amazing, insane people than on my own, but I'm not gonna make them go out of their way just so that I can escape my mom for 10 minutes more of the day.

Weekends Make Everything Worth It -Claudia

Being at school all week, around people who hardly know me and probably couldn't care less, was really making me feel unimportant and insignificant. Somehow I feel like I lose myself a little in those hallways, like I just drift around, untied to a specific personality because somehow mine disappears every morning when I have to wake up at 5:30 for school. Starting at a new place could be a good thing, a chance to reinvent myself. Really, I could pretend to be anyone I wanted at LASA, there wouldn't be many people who would notice if I changed. For some reason, that's not appealing at all. It feels like a lie. I want to be able to improve myself, not start from scratch, alone.

So, I was feeling really lame, but this weekend has changed everything! Baking cookies with my best friend and getting back into our usual selves, where I am silly and ridiculous, and mess up the recipe and forget to wash my hands, and she is the one who laughs and makes fun of me and fixes the things that I ruin. Seeing a movie with my mom, where she makes inappropriate jokes and ours are the loudest laughs in the theater. Going to church where there are people who remember what I looked like when I was two. Rollerblading with Nilsa and Henry and laughing so much and generally just being amazing. Kayaking with Deborah and Erika and Julia while we tip each other over and decide that swimming in fish poop-infused water is way more fun than actually staying in the boat. Frozen yogurt at night, when everyone starts to get loud and feel beautiful and invincible under the darkening sky.

I really had an amazing day and I feel like I am growing back into myself. Maybe the actual school part won't always be the best, but this being in high school thing might turn out okay.

Seriously? -Brianna

Really?
Yer kidding right ?
Please tell me this is all just a big joke.
3 guys ?!
in a matter of 3 days ?!
thats friggin insane !!
i mean like one guy would be okay
but i had Isaac, Jason, and Rob,
and then !!!!
Maxy (the first one nilsa xD ) keeps asking me if im single when everyday
my answer is "Yes"
thats crazy!!
i can already tell high schools gonna be a bit different than middle school.
anyways
today in bio Rob was all like "try to make martin jealous" so he was like all over me while i was doing my work
i didnt say no lets not,
but i did say it was a stupid idea.
at this point im starting to think Martin could care less about me.
i mean like he cares,
but nothing more than just a close friend.
but like he doesnt care if guys ask me out or flirt with me
like for example
when Jason asked me out,
i told him,
and he sounded excited.
he was like "whatcha gonna say whatcha gonna say?"
every girl knows thats the easiest way to see if a guy still has feelings for you
if they get quietish and look down and hardly make eye contact,
then they do
but if theyre happy for you
then obviously they dont..
Hes such a teaser.
like okay
next friday,
theres this lock in at my school
its not exactly over night
but its til like 11 or 12.
anyways i was debating weather er not to go
cause that fri. is my first away game
so i was talkign to martin about it and he goes
"you should go, i mean look its a friday ! 10:54 *time he asked me out* you never know when we'll reconnect"
and so i dont know if hes actually planning on asking me back out then,
but whatever happens happens.
im skipping my game,
and taking a chance.

Going the Distance - Lauren

So, I went to see Going the Distance with Dad today. Really good movie, but these romantic movies make me sad now. I feel sometimes like I grew up too fast, and while I was a kid and everything, I skipped normal teenage girl years full of obnoxious hormones and fights and dating and heartbreak and... Love. I feel like I skipped that. I mean, I know the important stuff comes later in life, but... I dunno.
 
I feel like I'm missing out.

I also feel like I've failed in some way because people like Lyn have a new date every week, and those people are awful to the people they're with, but it's not like Lyn dated Douche-bags who just wanted her body. She Dated Chris, my brother, Stephen... I mean, if she was dating ass-holes I'd understand. If she was dating people who only liked her because she was easy, I'd understand. But... Some of these people are real, genuine guys, and I don't understand what it is about her that draws even the nicest guys in. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's funny and sweet when she wants to be, but it's not like Chris didn't see the other side before they started dating. I just don't get it. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm weird and loud (and then alternatively obnoxiously shy), I know Maybe the fact that I haven't dated and don't date put people off, but I just... Don't get it. It's not just the pretty girls who date. Why not me? I've had interest, but as far as I can tell, It's just that no one's been interested in me. I really feel like I've done something wrong.

I just wish I knew what it was.

Best. Morning. Ever. - Lauren

So, First off Joe (who graduated last year) came to visit us this morning, which in and of itself is awesome.
But then. Oh, but then.
We were all hanging out and shizz, super excited at Joe being there, Then all of a sudden we hear this shout. "You don't Fucking say that Shit to me!" When we turned to look, Lyn had my brother backed against a wall and was yelling at him, then... She slapped him. As it rang out in the hall it was deathly silent for a moment then Stephen and Luke pulled her away, then she pulled free of them and took off down the hall towards the bathroom with these earth shatteringly loud sobs and slammed in. Which, in it's own right, was -Really- funny. I know that sounds mean, but I've heard her cry before, and I know it doesn't sound like that, and NO ONE Cries that Loud. The whole freaking building could hear it. And it's entirely possible that she was actually crying, but that almost makes it worse because she was actually upset then was STILL Milking it for all it's worth and her Attention-Whore ways still shine. >:/ But yeah. It was silent for a few moments, then hushed conversations broke out and everyone excitedly discussed, but before anyone got very far She was back. She started in on Ashley this time, Jim's Girlfriend. She walked up to her and said in the silence "Do you really think he'll make you happy?" She affirmed, and after some debate Ashley said something to the effect of "I think you should just leave the two of us alone" and Lyn so Classily replied "Why don't you make me!"to which Ashley started to get up and said "Don't tempt me!" I was a second from jumping in but Ashley's friend got there first and told Lyn she just needed to go. Now. She started to fight it but Stephen intervened and pulled her away again. There was ann unsure silence in the hall, unsure as to whether it was actually over, then I stepped forwards across the hall to where Jim and Ashley were Seated on the floor, and called Ashley's name. She looked up at me, a flicker of apprehension crossed her face, and I raised my hand for a high-five, a huge smile spreading across my face. relief filled her face and she returned the high-five, then I turned to my brother (who wanted one too) and Demanded to know what He said to her. He told me that Lyn had Called Ashley a Whore and he'd stood up for her, saying to Lyn's Face "Not like You are." Which set her off. He'd been cussing her out just like she had to him, but apparently it's OK for her to do it, and not anyone else. He stood up for his girlfriend, against his Ex-Girlfriend who was Clearly trying to get her hooks back into him. YES!!! Which is just amazing, because Ashley is just -so- sweet, and his last few girlfriends have been... Iffy. So I'm so glad he found one who is really cool. She has a ninja-turtles backpack. Awesome? I think so. XD We filled in everyone else as they arrived, everyone else is So sad they missed it, especially Shea, Chris (Who dated Lyn), and JD (Who liked her). None of which like her. I don't think she understands that really no one does after all the shit she started. we're just tired of her shit. All of us. Except Stephen and the line of guys lining up to date her. Which I really don't get, she dumps guys so fast you don't know he dated them, and is awful and needy, and it's so lame. =/ (Why can a girl like this get a million guys but I can't get one? Not fair. >< She's pretty, but bitchy and was prettier before she bleached her hair, now she looks sickly. >< I guess cuz she's easy. Jim's accusation wasn't wrong particularly, apparently she's had four pregnancy scares this summer. FOUR.) But yeah. Then I walked into my first period personal fitness class where I haven't normally got anyone to talk to, and Courtney (Who apparently is one of Jim's friends) shouts as I walk in "We have Victory!" and we spent most of the class talking about it. XD (Plus we didn't have to work out cuz of the rain! =D)
Chris and I, yesterday, had sortof an intervention for my brother. He was pinned against the wall by Lyn, and they -weren't- fighting. So Chris elbowed in between them and told Jim they needed to talk. He used a funny accent to make it silly, and used a funny analogy, but he was completely serious in his meaning. We were convinced we had to get him away from her. Especially since I like Ashley and she loves to give Lyn the Death Glare every time she talks to Jim. So... I guess it worked! Because I'm pretty damned sure that only a few days ago he wouldn't have stood up to her. He hasn't before when she was cussing him out. But today, not only did he stand up for his girlfriend, but for himself.
The only lame thing about this is, I was really proud of him, but I walked into choir the period after he has choir, and written on the board in clearly Jim handwriting was "Lyn, Go Die in a Hole. <3" and in what I think was Brandon's (one of Jim's best friends) writing was the symbol she draws on everything with a ( / ) over it and under it in little writing it said F*ck You! ><
So yeah. Other than that last bit... This morning?
Best. Morning. Ever.

thoughts? - Brianna

On Tuesday martin and i broke up.
i hated it,
i couldnt even look at him when i said "its over"
yes, i broke up with him.
but not by choice.
its complicated but yeah.
today, on Wednesday,
two guys asked me out.
i mean jesus !
when did i get so hot ?!
nd like i know this sounds like a joke,
but its not.
i had my first boyfriend, a little less than a year ago,
nd now ive got more than one guy asking me out in a month !
like thats crazyy !!!
the first guy wasnt really asking me out
but he thought we were gonna go out after my break up
it was my friend Isaac.
like he keeps calling me beautiful,
and sending me random texts say "ILY(:"
like its weirddd.
the second guyy,
is one of my ex boyfriends.
Jason.
so first he wanted me to cheat on martin with him
now he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Baby doll i dont work like thatt.
i mean jesus how badly do you want me ?!
see okay.. this brings me to a thoughtt.
ive got guys asking me out a day after we break up,
and telling me they like me while im going out with someone,
but i dont ever second guess my feelings for martin
or at least i didnt.
and i mean even still !!
i know that i love him and for a while, thats not gonna change.
so why is it that every time a girl tells martin that she likes him,
he automatically likes them too, and doesnt know who to choose ?
its not fair to me.
but first of all, why is she telling my boyfriend at the time, that she liked him
when she knew we were together ?!
and some how in this whole thingg...
i feel like its my fault !
i hate it soo much.
i know i did nothing wrong,
but theres this thing inside me,
that makes me think
i coulve done something about it to not
make him think he likes her.
or not make him wonder if lauren likes him or nott.
get it ?
well yeah.. it makes perfect sense to me.
i guess im just taking this whole break up badly.
like we were a week away from our one month
ive never stayed a whole month with the same guy !
i feel soo pathetic when i say that
but then im with martin
nd i feel like we can last a really long time...
and then we dont.
i hate it.
i find a guy worth my time
but im not worth his i guess.
as i type this im litereally about
two feet away from martin..
nd it kills me that im not his girlfriend