So, I went to see Going the Distance with Dad today. Really good movie, but these romantic movies make me sad now. I feel sometimes like I grew up too fast, and while I was a kid and everything, I skipped normal teenage girl years full of obnoxious hormones and fights and dating and heartbreak and... Love. I feel like I skipped that. I mean, I know the important stuff comes later in life, but... I dunno.
I feel like I'm missing out.
I also feel like I've failed in some way because people like Lyn have a new date every week, and those people are awful to the people they're with, but it's not like Lyn dated Douche-bags who just wanted her body. She Dated Chris, my brother, Stephen... I mean, if she was dating ass-holes I'd understand. If she was dating people who only liked her because she was easy, I'd understand. But... Some of these people are real, genuine guys, and I don't understand what it is about her that draws even the nicest guys in. Yes, she's pretty. Yes, she's funny and sweet when she wants to be, but it's not like Chris didn't see the other side before they started dating. I just don't get it. I know I'm not gorgeous, I know I'm weird and loud (and then alternatively obnoxiously shy), I know Maybe the fact that I haven't dated and don't date put people off, but I just... Don't get it. It's not just the pretty girls who date. Why not me? I've had interest, but as far as I can tell, It's just that no one's been interested in me. I really feel like I've done something wrong.
I just wish I knew what it was.
Showing posts with label wrong. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wrong. Show all posts
Friday, September 3, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Conversations... With the wrong person? - Lauren
Sorry to make a second post. This only just got to me.
Sometimes... When I talk to people like Nilsa or Montanna... we get into these really deep, or really personal conversations, about who we like, or family, or friends, or just things going on in out lives. Which is awesome, I love having those conversations. I think it's really important that we do, because I might go crazy without talking about some of that stuff. but... Sometimes I can't help feeling as if I were talking to the wrong person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want to talk to them or have the conversations, but... Aren't these conversations you're supposed to have with your best friend? I haven't had one of these with her Except about our problems with eachother for over a year, and real ones, that weren't affected by whatever weirdness she's going through and her cell phone ringing for texts every 30 seconds (She answered too) for far longer. I miss her, as she used to be. I miss US as WE used to be. She avoids talking to me sometimes because she can't deal with the drama. It's like she forgot that I'm not all drama, that there is a huge part of me that hates drama, and would LOVE to talk about other things, and an even bigger part that just loves her and wants to talk about ANYTHING with her, even if it's the weather. She's my best friend and my sister, but sometimes I really wonder how close we are anymore, and it breaks my heart because I really... I don't know what I would do without her, who I would be... When I promised Best Friends Forever, I meant it. I wonder sometimes if she did. I love her, and I know she has a lot of problems, but she won't tell me ANYTHING. I understand it's not in her nature to share everything, but she's always said I was the exception, and I was until recently. She won't even tell me when she's got a new girlfriend, or a broken heart, or is sick, or in the hospital, and all of those things happen a lot. I love my best friend, I need her, but it's like she's moved on without me, leaving me begging for her to come back, and she just Won't. She says she's here and won't go anywhere, but even when she's Here she's distant and evasive. And it really doesn't help that It's been over a year since I saw her. I was rather down on the fourth because All I could think about was being with her last fourth of july and seeing fireworks, and getting our faces painted, my mother took us but we ignored her for the most part. I just.... I miss her so much, and sometimes I wonder if I even cross her mind at all when I'm not bothering her constantly...
Sometimes... When I talk to people like Nilsa or Montanna... we get into these really deep, or really personal conversations, about who we like, or family, or friends, or just things going on in out lives. Which is awesome, I love having those conversations. I think it's really important that we do, because I might go crazy without talking about some of that stuff. but... Sometimes I can't help feeling as if I were talking to the wrong person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want to talk to them or have the conversations, but... Aren't these conversations you're supposed to have with your best friend? I haven't had one of these with her Except about our problems with eachother for over a year, and real ones, that weren't affected by whatever weirdness she's going through and her cell phone ringing for texts every 30 seconds (She answered too) for far longer. I miss her, as she used to be. I miss US as WE used to be. She avoids talking to me sometimes because she can't deal with the drama. It's like she forgot that I'm not all drama, that there is a huge part of me that hates drama, and would LOVE to talk about other things, and an even bigger part that just loves her and wants to talk about ANYTHING with her, even if it's the weather. She's my best friend and my sister, but sometimes I really wonder how close we are anymore, and it breaks my heart because I really... I don't know what I would do without her, who I would be... When I promised Best Friends Forever, I meant it. I wonder sometimes if she did. I love her, and I know she has a lot of problems, but she won't tell me ANYTHING. I understand it's not in her nature to share everything, but she's always said I was the exception, and I was until recently. She won't even tell me when she's got a new girlfriend, or a broken heart, or is sick, or in the hospital, and all of those things happen a lot. I love my best friend, I need her, but it's like she's moved on without me, leaving me begging for her to come back, and she just Won't. She says she's here and won't go anywhere, but even when she's Here she's distant and evasive. And it really doesn't help that It's been over a year since I saw her. I was rather down on the fourth because All I could think about was being with her last fourth of july and seeing fireworks, and getting our faces painted, my mother took us but we ignored her for the most part. I just.... I miss her so much, and sometimes I wonder if I even cross her mind at all when I'm not bothering her constantly...
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