Soo- Brianna

So things are good and bad right now.
Not complaining,
just getting things off my chest.
So I dont know if i ever really liked Marcos,
just flattered a senior knew i existed,
if that makes sense.
Or maybe i did,
but it was definitely just a little crush.
Today he told me hes gonna ask this girl out.
Kinda bummed but not so much as i thought i would be.
So its a good ish thing.
Bad? I think im starting to fall for Oscar.
OSCAR!
Hes my best guy friend i cant start liking him.
We kissed.
it was just a kiss,
nothing more.
it ment nothing,
so why am i still hung up over it?
why was i expecting more from him last night when we saw each other?
Why?
The even better news? I get two and a half weeks away from everything.
No oscar, no marcos, and no isaac, and no drama, and nothing.
nothing but my real friends and family.
the best news of all? Sunday night, me and nilsa <3 together for the first time since October!
Tuesday? Lexi might come over,
Wednesday? Going to a resort with shelby for the day.
Friday? Christmas Eve.
Saturday? Christmas day <3
ive got loads to look forward to and these little bits that are bumming me out
wont last much longer.
I hope

Oh, My, Goodness. - Brianna

Life is great right now.
I mean theres tons i can complain about,
but id rather not.
Like, with all thats good thats hitting me right now,
its all worht putting up with a little bit of shit every now and then.
So Tomorrow is my last day as a burnette
On friday after my doctors appointment, im dying it,
then heading back to school to flash it(:
Just kidding,
but yeah im reaally excited, and scared at the same time
Like im excited for the new hair color,
but im scared its not gonna come out the way i want it too.
But i suppose itll all be worth it.
And besides:
LEARNING EXPERIANCE.
So On friday, im going to a middle school dance
it sounds a tad lame but i mean
i absolutely miss all of my New Eighth Graders,
and im reallly excited to see them.
PLUUUUUSSSS
I might FINALLY
get to see nilsa,
she might go with me, and then spend the night at my house.
i havent seen her since we crashed the last middle school dance(:
Oh me and my friends and our crashing of middle school dances(:
its pretty amazing.
Senior.
OHMYGOD
I think i die a little every time i see him starring at me,
or when he texts me at exactly 8 on mondays and thursdays because he knows i have practice til then,
or how in PE....
Oh god PE..
I just started smiling to myself(:
Yesterday was just great.
i loved it
Like i dont even wanna repeat what happened because if i do,
its gonna leave my memory.
This boy...
Like okay,
every morning i catch him looking at me,
and one day i asked him if he saw me do something and i saw him looking at me,
and he goes "no"
:D
Hes denying starring at me,
he pulls me in to give me hugs,
he puts his hands on my waist,
he gets this (-) close to holding my hand,
and im pretty sure if we were alone,
at least SOMETHING would happen
It excites me(:

Conflicted... - Lauren

So, the guy whom I liked is moving back. I'm really excited from a friend point of view, I missed him, but from another point of view I am entirely conflicted... I am not sure as of yet if I still like him, but I know I like him more than a good portion of my male friends. For a while a big thing in my mind against dating him was the whole religious thing, but we actually had a religious talk the other day, and his views aren't as weird as I thought they would be, and he was more okay with me being an atheist than I thought he would be. But... there still lies the one remaining hurdle that puts me off a little. Anytime I talk about my best friend he kind of clams up. My Lesbian best friend. And I talk about her an awful lot. I really don't know how to feel... but with the talks we've been having I hope that I can eventually get to the root and find out why, because maybe then it can be changed to where he can at least be vaguely comfortable with it. That, and he doesn't date anymore than I do, and I've been told why Montanna thinks that is, but I want to find out from him. I hope I can, because I do like him, and even if not for me, I'd like to be able to help him for the future...
But I suppose I want to help me too..? I just haven't figured out the best way to do that yet...

Catch up(:- Brianna

Dying my hair:
Its a go(:
my mom finally said it was up to my grandpa,
and my doctor.
I talked to my grandpa
since i brought it up to him,
he said hed let me do it.
My doctor: well hes gonna say everythings fine,
and ill be able to do it.
So im dying my hair :D
Light Intense Auburn R3
Google it(:
Im pretty excited :D
Marcos:
All i have to say is read this conversation:
Marcos:Do me.
Me:Thats not the correct way to ask a question sir :P
Marcos:fine.... fuck me? :P
Me:nope try agian
Marcos:let me put my d*** in your p****? i have more ways to phrase it
Me:well were gona have to go down that list til you get it right
Marcos: can i insert my penis into your vagina thus having sexual intercourse?
Me:try again
Marcos:damn....wanna have sex?
Me:once more
Marcos:what the correct way?!?
Me:i dont know just wanted you to beg me for it :P
Marcos:fuck me then :P
Me:no
Marcos:bout to make a rape case...O.o
Seniors. what do you do with them :P
Ahaha i love how we can joke about sexual things and not let it get werid
like yesterday in i go
"if its in your face you always have to eat it!"
And he goe s"ill remember that tonight"
its pretty amazing.
Two of our favorite words right now are Penis and Vagina,
its pretty great.
You always have to close a door to have another open right?
Well i think thats what i did with martin
got him out of my life,
and got an even better guy friend than he could ever be.
Its not like i dont talk to him any more,
but i know that Malanies his main priority right now,
its his mistake let him make it,
hes paying the consequences right now so its all good.
So speaking of Marcos,
with him i always have to see if hes making a perv joke or not,
right now he said
"you want it to much jeez"
and i go
"the movie or something else?"
with him you never know :P

Im Dying- Brianna

I'm seriously DYING
to dye my hair!!
But not a "normal" color
Brown: my natural color,
so bland and BORING!
Blonde: I cant see myself as a blonde
Black: I dont want a dark color
Red: <3
thats what i'm aiming for.
I wanna dye it tomorrow.
as in the day before we go back to school.
I wanna dye it.
for two reasons:
1 since i cant do colorguard to stand out any more *which i love to do*
Why not a different hair color?
2 i havent done anything spontaneous in sooo long.
since Homecomming i suppose.
and i mean im not resorting to that EVER AGAIN.
Besides ive changed sooo much in the past few months and i think that Monday
is gonna be llike starting new,
ive had time to think things through,
ive had time to let things go,
forgive and forget right?
So why not finish what i started and just do it?
I reeeally hope my mom lets me do it soon

Im Scarred- Brianna

So,
Im scarred.
Obviously.
The question is of what?
I honestly dont know.
like theres lots of things on my mind,
and bothering me,
but i dont know which one is making me sadder/ more scarred.
So this guy.
I kinda like him a lot.
I cant see myself going to school without seeing him in the halls,
getting excited when i see his Letterman jacket,
or having him flirt his ass off with me,
even though it means nothing to him.
I've gotten wayy to attachted to him this past month,
and its like i get that we still 6 months of school,
but six months is really short and goes by quickly
and i mean i dont even know if i like him like that
i think i just see him as a really good friend,
maybe even a brother,
but like I guess im just scarred after he leaves
i'm not gonna talk to him anymore.
Maybe im just being stupid but ugh.
I dont know.
So tomorrow,
i was supposed to hang out with oscar.
Plans canceled.
No big deal.
i mean i am kinda bummed,
but nothing to bad.
So i'm hoping i can spend the day with Lexi.
Or at least a few hours.
and if Nilsa doesnt have plans then i deffinetly wanna see her again!
ughh.. i found a song that kind of shows how i feel.
Just kidding.
I didnt find it.
Marcos sent it to me.
Its called Dont Want An Ending by Sam Tsui
"The days turn to hours
And it's just a movement before they go
I'm scared to say goodbye,
'cause what's after that?
I don't know."
Gahh,
I cannot that fer the first time in at least a month,
im crying over a guy.
Thankfully its not the same guy,
and for the same reason,
or anything close to it.
I suppose all i can do is just make the best of these next 6 months,
and enjoy having him around while i cann.

Why cant you just be happy?- Brianna

Seriously.
Youre never happy with anyone
like it just bothers me
that someone who literally has such a good life,
great friends who love you,
and a.. well not a good girlfriend..
but a fun toy to play with,
cant be happy.
It bothers me.
You think you have it so tough.
and that its sooo friggin hard.
No bitch get a wake up call,
then talk to me about tough okay?
Theres more than one reason why i dont talk to you anymore,
and this is one of them
Try having to fail yer classes cause you are forrbiden from doing the work,
try watching your family crumble little by little everyday
try seeing your friends drift farther apart every day
try watching everyone do what you love to do,
but you have to sit and watch.
Thats not even tough,
but i know damn well its a million times harder than your life,
so next time you wanna fucking complain,
stop and think to yourself,
the grass is always greener.