Errr....?

So. I'm a sophomore.
I've survived the first three weeks with all A's so we'll see how much longer that'll last.
I'm doing guard again this year, buy I've also joined cheer.
First practice is on Tuesday and I'm excited.
My goal is to graduate next year so my grades are being taken pretty serious.
My friend Emily and I have made t a weekly thong to have adventures on Saturday's, usually leading to Sunday's too.
Moms got a new friend named John. She says he's eger to meet us.
Honestly, I could care less.
My birthdays in 9 days.
Finally 15.
Friends? They're better than ever.
I've kept most from last year, plus gained back the ones from 8th grade.
Drama? None yet.
My years going pretty good I can't complain, but at the same time, I feel like something's missing.
Last night Emily and I watched Prom.
Yes the Disney one.
It felt weird thinking that if all goes as planned, in two years I'll be out at Penn state alone.
With no one else there for me.
The thought slightly terrifies me.
Especially now since I'm second guessing what I want to do with my life.
So asidefrom that, there's the love interest.
I have two boys catching my eye this year.
My ex boyfriend Chino and my friend Richie.
Chino and I went out over the summer, it didn't last long cause he annoyed me.
Pretty bad right?
Well this year when we're together it's crazy.
We don't have any classes together so it's not a lot of time.
I get butterflies and when he kisses my cheek it's like...
I don't know. Like if he's the first.
I get the same feeling I got with my first boyfriend and I haven't felt that since we broke up.
So it's a pretty big deal, but I don't "love" chino.
Then theres Richie.
He's a total cutie, and in band.
I've always wanted to date someone in band, like we'd spend so much time together.
Plus, we have a class together.
4th period, which is super easy and we always have spare time.
So I met him this year and I've heard good things about him.
He's super quiet but a total flirt.
"he has an amazing personality and he's a joker. He'd treat you right"
At the football game on Friday he kept blowing me kisses. And telling ne he loves me.
He's dumb(:
So there's that.
Guards okay. I don't like our instructor though.
Oscars quitting.
I'm upset, but at the same time, it's his life.
And I really shouldn't care.
Honestly, I really want to start distancing myself from him.
I kinda already have.
I don't text him back as much, I tell him what he wants to know and move on.
No real conversations.
I don't know, like I reread my story I wrote about him,
And I realized that I think about that day too much.
And every time I do, I cry and I hate him for the night.
Then morning cones and I forgive him. It's terrible.
The ending of my story ends with my character never talking to him again.
I wish that's how my real life was.
I wish I had the balls to just stop, just like he did back in March.
Blegh I'm gonna start venting about a dumb boy...
So I'm done for tonight. I'm getting upset.
I'll wrte about it some other time.
I'm gonna do my hair, and go to sleep.
Goodnight <3

I've always wanted to date someone in band

Worst chocies- Brianna

So lately i feel as if my mom has been making the worst choices ever.
Shes dating this guy Kenn.
Hes liek the dumbest thing ever.
Why? Cause I said so.
anyways so she goes to work all day right?
comes home and has to deal with us three kids,
then study and do homework.
then sleep.
Some how she manages time to go out with him,
and just never finds time to GO BUY FOOD FOR US.
Believe it or not, but food doesnt just appear on plates.
So since theres no food, i ask her if i can use some of my saved up money to order Dominos later today.
Well.. i go loko for my envelope and guess what?
No Money.
so i ask her where it is,
she said in her closet.
which means stay out of it.
then i find out that out of the 700 i had in June.
i only have one hundred left.
I've only bought my Ipod.
So then she tells me that I cant order it.
bullshit.
Shes leaving work early and getting groceries.
she'll be home at 1:30.
anyways a few days ago, i asked her if i could spend the night at my friends house so i could have a ride to a concert that ive had plans for for thee longest time.
she said no, and that its to short notice, and im gonna have to skip it this time.
same shit she told me for NY and Kansas.
Saammee fucking shit.
Im tired of missing shit because of her.
Like how often am i gonna get to see my close friends mom get married?
Not many.
How many times am i gonna get asked to go to NY for a week?
Not much.
How many times are FTSK gonna do a free concert here in Austin?
More than likely, never again.
I cant wait til i leave and i can make my oen decisions, and i can go where ever i want, whenever i want.
i can spend my money how ever i want.
I can stay up as late as i want
i make my own choices.

Oh Manor... Brianna

So already, two girls have quit guard and have/ have wanted to come back.
It pisses me off.
Personally i feel that once you make the decision to not come anymore,
stick to it.
And i mean these girls are sort of friends with me,
so im not gonna bitch at them and start drama before school even starts,
but seriously?
Like its not fair to us, the kids, who work our butts off (most of us at least)
cause then we get held back trying to teach them the stuff we spent forever learning, and they shouldve been there.
but no, instead, we drop everything we're doing to be at their aid.
How dumb...
blegh im just so annoyed by people wuiting and then realizing what a mistake they made, and then just taking it back like its nothing.

Im bored- Brianna

My boyfriend.
Hes so terrible.
I dont know.
Like we dont click.
Like at all.
we've been going out for three weeks and our conversations look like this:
Him: babe i love you(:
Me: Haha aww thanks dear.
Him: Dont you love me??
Me: Mhhm.
Him: But not more than me right??
Me: No(:
like at first, it was cute.
but now, three weeks later, i dont even want to talk to him!
we cant hold a friggin conversation!!
Like, i get the first week or so its that honey moon stage right?
I hate it so much.
Its the dumbest thing in the world.
I try to get over it ASAP.
Especially after Martin.
Like i want a boyfriend who can make me feel safe, and secure, and wanting more, with him, i want less.
I havent texted him in a few days cause my phone died a while ago, and sicne then i just havent texted him.
I dont want to.
Is that bad? thats bad.'
Like i wanna break up with him, but at the same time,
i wanna wait til school starts to see if it gets any better when we're actually together, you know?
Ughh idk he just bores me with his talk of nothingness
So enough about my boyfriend.
My mom has a "Friend" ask she calls him.
They go out on dates, hes been over once,
and i dont wanna meet him.
im trying to avoid doing it, but she seems to try harder the more i resist.
he might stop by later tonight.
Im honestly really scared that he could be my step dad one day.
Like i dont want one.
my mom can get married when i go to college you know?
Anyways, im gonna go get ready for band camp tomorrow.
IM SO TIRED.
Like my feet are killing meee.!!

Boundaries- Brianna

I have personal boundaries i set for myself.
Certain topics are off limits to certain people.
My "Sex life", as small as that topic is, i keep that personal,
I hardly ever kiss and tell, and so why would i talk about anything else on that topic?
two of my friends and i got onto that topic a few nights ago and i told them,
cause they told me, so it seemed only fair,
five days later one of them is still teasing me about it,
i told her to hop off, and she got totally pissed,
saying how its not fair that i wont tell her about a certain thing.
Personally, the way i see it,
is that now that its not "that night" i dont have to tell her shit,
correct?
and i havent brought up her sex life since then,
so if im not asking is it fair that she is?
Anddd, if i dont want to talk about something,
dont you think its fair that i can keep it to myself?
The other day when i was sick she texted me
and i told her i was sick and that wed talk later
she texted me asking me about this certain thing,
so i replied "im insanely sick and thats all you can think about?"
Her response?
"Yeah"
Insanely upsetting..
Anyways but its saturday,
i get my ipod today,
I go to San Antonio today,
I have fun.
You should do the same

Simply cause i can- Brianna

So this post can go one of two ways
itll either be really short,
or itll trail on forever :3
probably the second one, but we'll see :D
So i think i had the 24 hour bugg,
it hurt.
i threw up.
and i slept forever.
band camp tomorrow :3
saturday we're going to DCI in San Antonio :3
its gonna be crazy fun.
I remember like forever ago me and Oscar promised to be bus buddies for band and school
good times :3
I kinda had this dream that he sat next to me and said "i dont want to break another promise"
insane right?
So im officially dating Chino, and i have for almost two weeks now.
its going good, i still havent seen him since the movies though,
and that is why i dont date in the summer :3
anyways so i was talking to my mom about it,
and she goes
"oh boy, hes still around? wheres Oscar?"
i just laughed and told her that despite what he said we still dont talk.
she rolled her eyes.
I said
"you just want me to marry him"
She said
"Well Brianna, you're going to. Its predestined."
Maybe shes right
but im hoping shes wrong.
and even if we do, itll end up in a divorce cause he stops talking to me one day :P
Soo i really wanna get my ipod tomorrow after my moms work so i can have it for the tripp
buuuut i dunno if my mom will let me
she wants me to wait until the weekend of my birthday.
how whack yes?
yes.
well i just called her and asked about it
She said she'll take me early Saturday morning :3
Did i already say i got the 24 hour bug?
or food poisoning.
im not sure.
all i know is that i made chicken yesterday for myself and that night i puked,
and puked and puuukkkeeeddd.
i just started feeling better about an hour ago,
but not by muchh.
im eating Mangos :3
well im gonna go ahead and get off
and stretch
and do my ten minutes of crunches.
Yes.
TEN.
10.
non stop.
:D
True story brahh.